deepundergroundpoetry.com
Negativity is a recyclable
My mom was recently diagnosed with cancer,
I’m begging the heavens please God don’t take her.
I feel like a failure.
I need another chance to make her proud.
Please help me get up off the ground .
Maybe what I’m missing is the person she was.
I came across an old picture of us,
and it stopped me in my tracks.
I’d go back in time and be a better daughter.
Of course it would be easy to blame my biological father.
He didn’t give up because you can’t quit if you don’t even try.
Great now I’m gonna cry.
A relationship that was never built.
Remembering all the tears I spilt.
Why are negative emotions easier to recycle?
This trauma is a never ending cycle.
Around and around we go.
No matter how high I am,
I eventually feel low.
I know like the expression goes.
“You can’t have a rainbow without the rain.”
I just wish I could have happiness without the pain.
I’m begging the heavens please God don’t take her.
I feel like a failure.
I need another chance to make her proud.
Please help me get up off the ground .
Maybe what I’m missing is the person she was.
I came across an old picture of us,
and it stopped me in my tracks.
I’d go back in time and be a better daughter.
Of course it would be easy to blame my biological father.
He didn’t give up because you can’t quit if you don’t even try.
Great now I’m gonna cry.
A relationship that was never built.
Remembering all the tears I spilt.
Why are negative emotions easier to recycle?
This trauma is a never ending cycle.
Around and around we go.
No matter how high I am,
I eventually feel low.
I know like the expression goes.
“You can’t have a rainbow without the rain.”
I just wish I could have happiness without the pain.
Published 8th Aug 2022
Author's Note
I’ve been doing so much better at keeping a positive state of mind, but like I wrote in this piece the negative comes back every so often and reminds me of the trauma.
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9th Aug 2022 8:38am
I like this poem.
Like you, I'm a survivor.
The way I explained it in a poem was it's like a record player: a groove is cut in the surface, and the needle just falls into that groove and makes the cut sing. And sing.
And events in our life can kind of do that, too--the event, whatever it is, will just fall into the old groove.
Like you, I'm a survivor.
The way I explained it in a poem was it's like a record player: a groove is cut in the surface, and the needle just falls into that groove and makes the cut sing. And sing.
And events in our life can kind of do that, too--the event, whatever it is, will just fall into the old groove.
9th Aug 2022 9:44am
Your words seem effortlessly spilt into this write, flowing naturally. But your pen drips ink like poignant tears. This is striking, strips me raw - very relatable.
11th Aug 2022 6:11am
Dear M,
I relate to the sentiment of having happiness without the pain. For me, I’ve lived long enough to accept there isn’t one without the other so I cherish the happy stuff all the more because of what it took to get me there. I’m very sorry to read about your mother. My gut says she’s already proud of you and I know negativity, like grief, is cyclical I just wish it wasn’t. I also know I will always find everything you write touching, real and ever relatable. H🌷
I relate to the sentiment of having happiness without the pain. For me, I’ve lived long enough to accept there isn’t one without the other so I cherish the happy stuff all the more because of what it took to get me there. I’m very sorry to read about your mother. My gut says she’s already proud of you and I know negativity, like grief, is cyclical I just wish it wasn’t. I also know I will always find everything you write touching, real and ever relatable. H🌷
