Rainbownado

Malicious duo on the search to form a Manifold to Manifest your sins to the innocent that you rob, because you are all out of cock until you find a fledging to clip.

You are too weak to pick on another alike or someone not as weak as you.

So, when you run out of simps you go for the kids and that is Child’s play for you

 

 

Every day of your life spent shooting from the hip, I got clipped so much I can’t remember, the order of 1st and last.  

Have no fear look here,

my 7 years of blissful retardation is your cover in the light of your dark as your benevolence is a farce.  

 

 

My 30th year is here and you’re still both in my head.

Daddy fucking dead, but the bitches alive to shit on his grave,  

He only their stepdad.

My blood dad and mom.

They couldn’t stand that shit, so they took it out on me.

Momma’s and Papi’s boy got too much love because the boy wasn’t looking for an easy way out, just love from his mom and dad.

 

 

The two bitches loved to take the boy out and make him watch as they get drunk. Caps of rum to watch my face in disgust as these bitches in their 20’s live it up. One had one kid right when mom died and the other followed in suit.  

They knew my dad couldn’t deal with two trifling hos alone.  

So, before he could kick them out, they left and found some baby daddies to take them along.  

When Marge felt guilty and she knew she missed me, should call my dad so I can stay.  

Stayed and watch her get abused by her baby daddy, only because she made him do it.  

I personally can't lay a hand on anything weaker than me in violence or harm.  

It's pathetic.  

Like taking advantage of a child.  

 

“Stayed and watch her get abused by her baby daddy, only because she made him do it.”

I know because she did it to me when I was a teenager. I said no, even called the police officers to help me breathe.  

You can’t bully a man, force him to stay, then try to make him hit you, even trying to barricade the door to stop me from leaving, only so you can hurl abusive rhetoric at me. TWAT I WASNT EVEN 18.

 

I thought the Infantry would help but those “Men” are driven by their vaginas even more than you.

I could have sworn you were a grunt with your psychotic mind games.  

My life is gaslights and people who need to hide behind rules.  

Now that I am free, I can’t find you guys.  

 

AS much as I hate to say it, I truly hate and love them.  

The family, that is.

Whatever I used to say I have.  

 

At the age of 10 or so I knew for certain that at 7 it wasn’t a fucking game.  

Understood was it was, but still didn’t know that that’s what they did to me.

Even so at 10 and even older I had no idea,  

 

 

It wasn’t until I was 21, ate my “1st” cooch.  

 

 

Then the memories were ever so clear.  

My love at the time wondered why I rushed to the bathroom,

Little did she know I had to soak in my pain and wipe away the tears.

I could believe how that worked.

Since then, the memories of a king-sized bed and ninja turtles still fuck me the most.

No one will ever know or ever see the truth because the world said YOU can do no wrong.

Its seemingly the predators who win, and the prey only maimed for life as they outlived their abusers use,

As a tool to a sex crazed demon who takes the cover of you.  

The fuck is a victim?  

I am a man. I must shut the fuck up or end it like you wanted.  

 

 

Molested by you and your friends as a child or hazed into the dirt as a man.  

Sisters and Brothers?

I trust absolutely no one.  

 I deserve that at this point.

 

 

ALL YOU PUSSY MOTHER FUCKERS DONT WANT TO SEE ME WHEN THERE IS NO ORDER AROUND.  

My sisters will always be safe even from me, but you other clowns.  

Shit.......

If I catch you in my realm with no ranks to hide behind,

Imagine a mold,  

Your skull,

My Crown.

 

 

I can look back on my life and say this shit is hard.

God won’t let me kill myself unless I commit to a gun or a jump.

Too much of a pussy though.  

Auto pilot is cool,

a slower more palatable self-harm.  

I don’t even need hard drugs anymore.

Last year I was dealing with a twat so reminiscent of you cunts, that I found myself downing a bottle of 1800 only to Run a very impromptu 6 miles (not even a lot), which had me pissing blood.

The mind games you bitches play is lunacy.  

Men(cocksuckers) do it too.

I’ve dealt with the worst of both.  

So far people disgust me and the only mass shootings I even feel anything for are the ones with children.  

The other ones I genuinely don’t care anymore.

I kind like when people just go away in mass.  

The beauty of it is there is a guy just as fucked by life as me if not worse I am 100000000000 percent sure, who will do what I have no interest in doing and that’s killing a bunch of innocent people (so I believe).  

 

What's even worse is there is a white boy somewhere who grew up the opposite of me and will still find a reason to kill you all. Especially my “nigger” ass.

 

“I don’t even need hard drugs anymore.”

The two eight balls of Fish, gram of tina, smiling faces, oxy, and steering wheel didn’t work.  

I was apparently made for large doses of dangerous drugs and reckless shit.

I wasn’t even addicted I was legit trying to die. Every time.

Only came close twice.  

Aside from bloody sheets, and the feeling of being a failure to such a degree even God, Satan, or Santa doesn’t want you.  

 

Victim???

I live my life to not be, yet I was born in it,

Fight like shit to be strong,  

Loneliness and your memory sear a poor image into my frame.

You both got your six kids, and my dad is dead, and you have his photography book.  

You robed me of a home.  

My past and tried to take my future.  

Even when a judge agreed you had no right to evict me you filed the most BS of protection orders after you LOST in court, on your younger brother by a decade and a half who you illegally evicted from a place that they lived in there 20 years longer than you, as soon as they came back home from the service.

 Then you made fun of me for being a homeless veteran. My birthday of all fucking days. Wet cold and raining.  

Told me my dad never did shit for you. (Left Us both on a lease so you could raise your multiple kids and I could have my room and attend college).

 I worked two shit paying jobs while homeless and attending school. Still so broke I couldn’t afford food.

It's sad that even as a failure I work harder than most of you. Even the ones reading this now.  

I’m good now.  

No one can say I never tried. Not what they wanted me to do because they were too lazy, and I did it anyway. NO ONE CAN SHIT ON MY WORK ETHIC.  

WHEN I AM ON, I AM ON.

 

No Matter how systemic the opposition,

Hell,

even the oppression is, I can say I did my best.  

 

The douches of the military are a lesson learned and outdated. (As long as they stay out of my realm), So I say. You can’t be someone to get into my head, you can’t wear a uniform to do it, talk to me, or if you are strong enough fight me. Don’t you dare weasel your way into some one's psyche while I am around let alone try it on me.  

 

I WILL FUCK YOU UP.

 

“Family”

I never had any designs of harm for any of you heathens.  

I can’t let any of it slide though. The abuse, the lies, you are a worthless sack of lying shit that anyone and everyone sees through. You are just a lazy woman. Veronica. I had the true misfortune of growing up with both of you trifling, lying bitches.  

You both take, and take,  

and continued to take while I was down, and I was out, for no good reason I too stubborn to break.

 

They passed me around like a ho,

 babysitter to friend, to friend.  

My dick has been fondled and used so many times by women older than me while I was FUCKING 7 Than my entire adult hood.  

I remember being able to suck on titties for no fucking milk.  

Lol.

I remember Bernadene, was it?  

Her tits were amazing. Even as a child I knew Loved her tits, and I had no idea what tits were.

 

That’s pathetic now that I think about it.  

I somehow maxed out on pussy early.

 

It wasn’t until my sisters left after mom died that my searing migraines as a child went away. I mean my migraines would kill me so much my dad would regularly take me to the hospital. As much as I can remember the abuse clearly as an adult.  

I can still remember the migraines. The day they went away.  

The days they stayed away.  

I have not had a migraine since 8. I haven't had a random headache since 8.

I put two and two together until I get Hell.

 Then I stop. That’s when I feel there are possibilities that even I am still too naive to expect.  

 

 

At least I didn’t get dicked down. (raped)  

I feel I would have remembered such a thing: (

 

Shovels and holes, still none of them with my name on it.

They tired.  

It's always the same. Try to get me to do it.

Welp remember what I said about the mass shotting shit.

I have my code.  

 

If I find that some random fed-up motherfucker did what I was too smart to do and you just so happen to be a “victim,” I am going to laugh, smile, cry truly little depending on how relatable I can make the visualization), then live.  

I can’t talk bad about my dad. He was older me. Just way more tolerable of women. (They would treat him like a simp type of guy)

Luckily for me and you I have an earned dislike for most people. Race, Gender, etc.  

I can honestly say I could sit back and watch most of you die and suffer.  

I can honestly say I would risk my life for some of you. (We aint even meet yet, or may never will)

At this point it may be your turn anyway.

 

 

People will use pride to hurt you if they can. Yours.  

My best to worst years in series, I have had pride in being a fine shield. To the people I thought I could trust.  

Only to learn that you keep your true gifts, graces,  

Characteristics that exemplify who you truly are as a person (when you are a decent human) to your damn self.

 

If only mass shooting retards only realized that no one is worth that chaos except yourself. Unless you can get the group of people who wrong you in a place to murder them. What's the point? Killing for no good reason is fucking stupid.  

 

I remember dudes used to place bets on me in the COF, I either go nuts or kill myself. Had to find out about this from another platoon. I was a damn good soldier it's not one of those “he deserved it” stories. SSgt Pena walked up to me and told me to kill myself Because I was 215 lbs. of muscle and didn’t pass my 2-mile run in the same amount of time was a soaked in oil 120lbs joe. I passed it though. LMA0.  

  I didn’t take steroids and had a godly build, still do. A lot of them did though. I was open about how I thought steroids were for people who never had real strength to begin with. I dated, no I fucked white women, the bumkins hated that. They were vocal on it. One even saying black men should not “BREED” with white women. I had him drive me to my white gf home because I still didn’t have a car and he was in disbelief, then I had seen the look on his face when he seen a cross fitting border patrol agent open the door. Ohhhhhhhhhh he didn’t like that. I got a car immediately after.  

 

I've been called “nigger, field nigger, field nigga, boy, “my nigga,” “my nigger” moon cricket, work horse, field slave, sea biscuit (Jawline was pronounced), dindu, Obama, etc. Everyday. For almost 3 years. Been mentally abused more than physical. I was a glutton for physicality and smoking me would make me hard. Fighting me would make me harder. They never wanted the hands. I have tried to ask them to stop, tried to fight them to stop, all you get is an NCO telling you if you defend your honor again, he will see to it you are dishonorably discharged. “You won't even be able to flip burgers at burger king.” Those three had me in the Woodline, and I wanted to fight everyone. They felt it. I only wanted spec Fraizer. “Let's fight,” “you can’t just run your mouth behind a rank”? I learned in the military almost exclusively white soldiers run their mouths off in a disturbing manner due to rank. I still don’t understand Pena, he was a race hating POS and he was Mexican. We had a black guy who hated blacks and a Mexican who hated Mexicans and blacks.

  All I did was ask if the POS hazing me wanted to fight? Lord knows if I would have swung, I would have gotten jumped by the entire platoon. That Woodline shit don’t work on a guy who wants you in the Woodline himself either.  

 So, no one wanted to fight, yet they wanted to harass me day in day out. I stayed stoic until SSgt Agular, and LT Boyle (I would fight have their back anytime and loved them both.)  left and then we had Pena, and the LT from Platoon the film.  

We had another black person in the platoon who flew a confederate flag and laid into me how much he thought I was a no-good Yankee, moon cricket, coon.

 

Only whites. I have to say this. Black people don’t do that shit in my VERY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.  

Black people don’t get whites to hate whites.  

White people do.  

 I got to ask what is it with you and negroes trying to live equally that you hate so much?  

I got an army achievement medal within two months of being a soldier. That truly showed me who hated me and why. If it wasn’t race which it was, it was that I was doing too much too fast and wasn’t even trying to be exceptional. The infantry is the only thing I truly had purpose doing. Even now I’m lost as fuck.

 It's not the army it was just my unlucky draw of platoon. TBH who knows.

 

When “innocent” people die I don’t care. Outside of school shootings (below high school age) The last time I cared was 9/11. Hell, even the attacks on Blacks and jews I cared a bit for only because we both get fucked with by ignorant whites to an extremely violent degree. It’s a self-preservation thing. even then I don’t know if I really care. Maybe I need a gun in my face?  

 If they aint poor, kids, or animals I don’t care. Kids and animals operate on instinct. Racism is not instinctual. To be real, I almost want a lot of you to die. Because in your death I can take a very new dark sense of pride knowing that I outlasted you and I get to love the little I have, and I do love it and you lose everything you "worked” so hard for.  

 

TBH you wouldn’t know real work if the likes of me slapped the shit out of you and told you to get to it. Unless you know actual hard work, blood(lots) sweat (even more) and tears(sometimes). You don’t have to be military for that. But slapping on a hard hat and saying you are the shit for having a job is quite dumb to me as well. How many proud people running around doing lack luster work? A lot. They are thriving too.

 Like when you are your job that’s a terrible thing depending on the job. I can listen to an astrophysicist talk about what they do for a while and still engage in a conversation that I would love to engage in because I can. Science and math truly can't discriminate I want to meet so and so, not so and the (insert your signal duty here). I could talk to a sailor for a minute, a police officer, fire fighter, but the typical “Meritorious” (my mommy and daddy paid for my business degree) gentrifying yuppy I can’t stand. You are the least interesting folk I have ever met because they only time you can talk about interesting things you have done is when you talk about your truly undeserved vacation. In some resort surrounded by a 3rd world hell I would imagine. Last girl I was with was a “sound engineer.”  

This cunt couldn't engineer a play phone with the dixie cups and string. She said she made beats, she didn’t make shit, she talked about the guys who made shit. She talked about the superficial shit that makes me sick. I don’t mean the basic stuff. (Which I to enjoy at times, i.e., “90-day fiancé” etc.,) This bitch had nothing interesting to say about herself. After enough time vetting this girl, I realized her rich ass white parents paid her entire way through a fly by night college, just so she can make 6 figures doing a job she is not qualified for. She is a sound engineer and will be a millionaire within the decade and she did absolutely nothing for it.  

 Bitch was made Vice president of a company that works with artist you listen to today, and she can’t even pick the notes on a piano. Let alone the bass she says she played, but never played for me when I asked. Same cunt had me pissing blood, and pieces of my soul. Guess what this cunt did to me when I told her she was too toxic. She gets on a chat site, gets on camera then smokes pot with a 16-year-old boy there at 2 am going into 3 am on a Saturday night. Now luckily for me she was being a dumb cunt and live streaming this, anyone who knows her knows her issue with coke. My god a few of us spotted her doing cocaine in the presence of this dumb ass 16-year-old black boy. Then they more than likely went upstairs and fucked.  

WE HAVE NOT SEEN OR HEARD FROM THE CUNT SINCE.

TBH I hope she OD’d and died.

 

2021 was a weird year. A bitch that I thought I could trust could not drive me to suicide because I am versed in cowards trying to get me to kill myself. So, she takes it to an astronomically ruinous level of malice that sealed the deal for me and most women. (I can’t trust any of you) The problem is that I am a wall of a man (I mean a dense being with a penis), with a vast amount of integrity (what truly matters). I can sit here and live with myself sober and prepared to reflect. AS I DO TO THIS DAY.  

I certainly don’t mean writing out my thoughts. I just had a bit of an overload today and needed to let these things out. I get tired of making the crisis line workers cry themselves. They don’t get this detailed yet still broken play by play.

 Marge has had her 1st aneurysm already (fingers crossed for the 2nd and I’ll start believing in God again) and Veronica is 36000 to 40000 dollars in debt to that landlord who remembered I was on that lease. When He’s done with that. I’m going to get my go at her but this time to see her locked up.  

Violence isn't justice. It just a means and for most things in this day and age an unnecessary one. (Even if it is the sobering part of my fantasies).  

 

 

 
*WE HAVE NOT SEEN OR HEARD FROM THE CUNT SINCE.

TBH I hope she OD’d and died. *

(Wasn’t meant to be repeated but neither me or the property owner have seen or heard from that cunt either. He was trying hard too.) That entire management team hates her.  

 

 Cowards like it easy I noticed. Not just easy, but easy with ALL THE PAYOFF. Just for them and that time being, no matter who they must hurt. Whether it be “family” or “Comrades”

The things I was denied for no good damn reason. You lose for no good damn reason. Vicariously by way of chaotic design Its I and people like me who must learn how to be fine with that never ending thought, who wins or loses.

 

For me last one to the finish line wins.  

My dad had a good race. Hung in longer than I expected tbh. At the same time, he left me too soon.  

 

If you are worth mine, then you even had me fooled then.

I'm afraid of integrating back into society tbh.  

I'm afraid that people are just going to be the same shit they were at home, and they were at work.  

 

Even though I can wipe them out no guns, no knives, no weapons I am afraid of cowardice and conformity together. Individually they are nothing but a part of life.  

When you get 2 or more cowards together you get the likes of pedophilia, you get rape, you get suicidal toxicity, you get cover ups, you get conspiracy, etc. you get an atmosphere where it's comforting to be below deplorable is my point.  

I'm doing it alone and have been for a while and would like a hand before a different one takes me where I know I don’t want to be regardless of how hard I fight it.

I’m still built and in better shape than when I was 21. I’m aging as well as a mentally shaken guy can.

Like hatred and vengeance was enough? Now that I'm getting older, at 30 this fuel is extremely corrosive, and I feel it eating me alive.  

 

The irritability of sobriety is sobering to me.  

Drug use does nothing but shut me up.  

You would all rather me shut up though?

Doped up to forget how shit people can be, and to forget the most important thing.  

That is abuse.  

To have a day where none of you are on my mind is only possible with weed. Too much weed. So much weed I can’t even anymore.  

 Me at my best is a cranky, cynical, foul mouthed, anti-liberal, pro black, feminist hating Son of an actual bitch (loved my mom) but she abused the living shit out of my dad. I personally watched this man cry to her. I watched her throw hot tea at this man for questioning her gambling habit. I watched her bring another man in our home so she could cheat on my dad while he was at work. In some cases, there.

 Guess How my mom died?????

Sisters lied and told me cancer. Never told me the type.

MY trusty at the time 96 or something year old Grandpa (probably dead too now). Fucker was 96 in 2016, I think. If he made 100 my god. The men in my family are blessed and cursed. Blessed to lose everything we love before the reaper takes us. Luckily for me I got nothing to lose. Just this life. I have never been averse to being an odd ball.

Anyway, he told me how she really died, and it made since as That person she was fucking never came back again either.  

Cancer?

That is just too damn wholesome.

You don’t have to be fucking batman, Ya know?

 

I have no reason at all to respect any woman. Personally. White, black, blood, you are mostly bad news from my experience. I only dated one terrible chick. (The pedophile bitch)

The only women I relate to are women who admitted to me that they were abused too. Them much worse than me. They were raped. I was molested had my Weiner jacked, sucked, I doubt I could fuck idk if I could get erect back then, I just remember having my face buried in vagina and it wasn’t how you think.  

Those girls were raped, by their dads. My three most sincere relationships with women who had it as bad as me.  

 

I take that trust thing back. I don’t trust most of you. Some of you I still have admiration for. Couple.

I hope there is a day where I can swoop in save your day and leave. You wouldn't even know.  Like the ghost I was meant to be.  

 

Instead of having a duty to a country that still has to decide if they tolerate me or not I rather have a duty to those I care for. I’m still a formidable enough shield.

Nothing to protect dear to me, well my beautiful dog.  

 

To be clear I don’t really like any of you. And could care less if you live or die.  

I’ll be at that stage where I only see you as objects, the moment I integrate.  

The moment I get back into the world will be the moment I give you a reason to actually hate me this time.  

  

I’m afraid because I know what it takes now. To have that success. I am more than capable of looking past the sack of shit you call flesh and making decisions that only affect me positively while you figure your own shit out.  

Lol

No, I’m not. Never have been that way natively and never will be. Unless you give me that concoction of drugs I used to try and off myself way back when.  

That was a version of me that would dump your body in a pit, and no one would find it. I would be too fucked to remember. Let alone care. I only need that guy out when needed and drugs isn't the way to summon him at 30. It wasn’t the  right way back then in the early 20’s. That Version of me would come over fuck your daughter, eat dinner, fuck her again and leave so I could forget that entire situation as I ghost for the rest of your lives.

That Version of me would fuck strippers in the VIP section of the club or just any section closed off enough for me to bust a nut and shortchange the ho. I fucked with a couple of strippers in my time. I liked them.

How many chicks believed I would stay?  

Jesus.  

I’m glad he is gone.

 

You bitches loved that dumpster fire of a dumpster fire of a man.

I absolutely hate drugs. They were my go-to suicide tool. My goal was always to die as easy as I could imagine ODing would feel like. Even now the weed hits too hard and takes me out of commission.  

Too pussy to shoot myself, to pussy to jump, to pussy to even line up the entire eight ball and bump.

I wasn’t trying to escape reality then, I was trying to die.  

Fast, preferably alone and either experiencing euphoria or was.

I remember being as high as a kite on everything I could find to watch a guy die on the highway from a truck crash. In my head I could only think “wow, I bet they was sober.”    

 

Anyway I’ve been writing this for too long.