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Without sounding...How should I put this? I think you are addicted to
Cheetos. It became noticeable when I saw you and your grandpa blowing
orange dust up your noses. You said that you were having a snack break
while shining your Harley. Why didn't you put a shine on your mom's
Kawasaki?  

There is something in the orange coloring. It goes along with the urge to
castrate yourself. Don't you think it peculiar that you named fido, Barry
Manilow. Who told you that Cheetos were anatomically correct? The same
can be said for a can of sardines.    

Your mom worked overtime to put you through "carwash school" and this is
the respect you give her. She gave up her tattoos savings to get you a
Homer Simpson doll that wet its nappies.    

Oh, you did! Did it hurt? You ordered a Prosthesis cock from Walmart!
How are you going to make babies? Playdough doesn't work.

I never heard of Cheetos Anonymous. Sounds like a cult to me. What do you
mean, that it's a chat room on a porn site? Do you mean to tell me that it's
the food of the transgendered? Gluten free!

There is no nutritional value in stupid or listening to Snoop Dogg rap
backward. Your mom is so pissed that she slapped a picture of Elton  
John.