deepundergroundpoetry.com

Don't Mess With Longhorns

I'm always trying to be rather terse,
Polished, mannerly, but I'm still fierce,
And trying to be quick to the point when I speak,  
As well as kind, when I speak.  
Y'all took me at my word,  
Listened to every kind, and every pained word,  
All about the almost ten years of subtle gaslighting from my "step-dad",  
About the social anxiety you knew I had  
(And still do)  
And about how my crushes are usually much older, too,  
So this is undoubtedly true,  
Though you didn't see my day-to-day character,  
You knew I had a good heart that didn't seem to falter.  
So why then did you berate and belittle me,  
When I said that I had a crush on a co-worker's beauty?  
When all I said was that I thought he had beautiful eyes and a nice smile?  
That I wished I could squeeze him in a hug, and tell him he's doing great, with a smile,  
Why were y'all so hostile?  
Was it because he's seventeen, and I'm twenty-five?  
I don't feel like I'm mid-twenties, I don't feel twenty-five,  
And he's a grown man, and he's of age in my state,  
But y'all also know I'm greysexual, I did clearly state,  
Y'all probably remember that every single time there,  
During the time I was there,  
I would kindly ask that sexual things,  
Of which you knew I had embarrassed, grossed out, and uncomfortable feelings,  
Be moved to the appropriate channels,  
None of us are/were perfect angels,  
But there also were no quarrels,  
No anger, no fights, and everyone was nice about it,  
But now you throw a fit.  
Is it because I didn't have the same response that you would?  
Because I didn't think the way you would?  
I know that was a sapphic server,  
But it was also touted as a bi-friendly server,  
I know many of you have been hurt by men,  
And so preferred the friendship and support of women,  
No shame, I've had in my life, both good and bad men,  
But is that why you made fun of men's rights, before?  
Is that why I then had to endure,  
You calling him a kid, and telling me y'all won't forget what I said,  
It briefly got in my head,  
But I realized,  
Your hands are tied,  
You said I was "defending having a relationship with a kid",  
He's a grown man, the situation's a bit more complicated,  
He looks much older,  
And I look much younger than I am, even though I'm older  
(Although by only eight years,  
But that didn't seem to negate y'all's fears),  
And I never stated I wanted a relationship,  
Y'all are just mad he's a man, I'm bi leaning towards men, and y'all are without a relationship.  
You previously laughed at virgins, which stung my heart,  
You are all cowards, and each a braggart,  
Laughed at those who use hemp instead of weed,  
Was there really any need?  
You said we were either scammed, or trying to  
Scam people we touted hemp benefits to.  
You have hurt and pushed away others,  
Formed a clique, shunning others.  
Your hands are tied,  
Your thoughts are misaligned,  
You've pushed away others,  
Who dared to have thoughts, you thought of as bothers,  
We dared to break the mold,  
So you gave us the shoulder, cold,  
And kicked us from the server,  
Hoping we would flounder, and falter,  
Well, all those people you have thrown away,  
We have gone and found our places, far away  
From all of you,  
None of us need any of you.  
If you thought I'd back down,  
You will one day be thrown down  
Off of your high horse,  
And into the "mud" you saw "tarnishing" everyone else's discourse,  
If you thought I'd go into depressions,  
You've got coming, a lot of therapy sessions,  
For wrecking peoples lives,  
And we're going to live to the fullest, our lives,  
Without your dark clouds  
Trying to hide our true selves in shrouds.  
If you thought this longhorn would back down,  
You'll receive horns, like you've never known,  
I have a wonderful support system in my life,  
I'm not full of nearly as much strife,  
As y'all have imposed upon yourselves,  
Gatekeeping the server to yourselves.  
I'll tell you this,  
You are quite amiss,  
Because the two of us, we're both of good character,  
We both feel anxiety at our jobs, but never falter,  
He's kind, goofy, and cute,  
No dispute  
(Also, I'm an artist, so I can recognize well put together molecules),  
The heart knows no rhyme, reason, expectations, or rules,  
When I crush on someone,  
I just want to be nice to them, be their cushion,  
Their safe place, where they can tell me about their day,  
Where I can listen, or they can ask for advice, and can say  
Whatever they're feeling, without judgment,  
Where I can give them encouragement, and comfort,  
Just be in each other's presence, more effort  
Than anything y'all've ever done.  
I don't plan on saying anything to him,  
But if I accidentally look away from him  
When he catches my gaze,  
And he happens to see the blush on my face,  
And figures out that I probably have a crush on him,  
Then so be it, I won't try to make this more than a daydream,  
But if he says anything,  
I'll be honest about everything,  
And if we do become a thing,  
I know our parents wouldn't be worried about a thing.  
My mind has value,  
So I will no longer allow any of you  
To continue to live rent-free in my head,  
To no longer keep seeing red,  
I kick you all out,  
And if any of you come back, look out,  
Because I'll make you pay your rent,  
Every single cent.
Orc_Pirate_68
Written by Orc_Pirate_68 (Sabrina Kirk-Caldwell)
Published | Edited 7th Oct 2022
Author's Note
Cyber bullying's a b!tch. This poem may not be of the best structure, but I wrote it in a moment of anger, hurt, disappointment (in their behavior), and a determination to live my best life to spite...
Cyber bullying's a b!tch. This poem may not be of the best structure, but I wrote it in a moment of anger, hurt, disappointment (in their behavior), and a determination to live my best life to spite them. (The only edits that I made, was to add the fifth line from the bottom, because I realized the line above didn't have a rhyme, and adding my explanations to the notes.)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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