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A HUMBLE POSTMAN
A HUMBLE POSTMAN
Clouds, you seem so high and distant,
looking from your heights quite proudly
at the people and their river
that are asking for your water.
I'd intend to climb the mountain
and await a cloud much humbler.
It proceeds at lower level.
I can reach and write a letter.
I'll complain that we are thirsty,
and the fields are dry and crying
without tears that wet the flowers
but with sobs that grieve their petals.
Will that little cloud have pity
and convey my tiny message?
Will the proudly flying vapour
heed my plea and fly much lower?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
.
Clouds, you seem so high and distant,
looking from your heights quite proudly
at the people and their river
that are asking for your water.
I'd intend to climb the mountain
and await a cloud much humbler.
It proceeds at lower level.
I can reach and write a letter.
I'll complain that we are thirsty,
and the fields are dry and crying
without tears that wet the flowers
but with sobs that grieve their petals.
Will that little cloud have pity
and convey my tiny message?
Will the proudly flying vapour
heed my plea and fly much lower?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
There are numerous narrative and grammatical problems in this rather twee piece.
First
"Clouds, you seem so high and distant,
looking from your heights quite proudly"
In saying that they "seem" distant, you are noting that they might not actually be distant. And clouds don't look at anything in any manner.
"at the people and their river
that are asking for your water."
You are assuming that high-flying clouds contain rainwater. Do they?
And if it's people asking for a cloud's rain, then your phrase should be "WHO are asking".
"I'd intend to climb the mountain"
Leaving aside the fact that you've engaged in deixis here, your phrasing makes you say what you would consider doing under certain circumstances, but not that you are now going to climb "the" mountain to do something.
Better would be: "I'm intent to climb a nearby mountain ..."
"and await a cloud much humbler.
It proceeds at lower level."
This should be "and await a cloud much humbler that proceeds at lower levels." Or better "and await a cloud that's moving at a lower level ..."
And just because a cloud travels at a lower level, is it really humble?
"I can reach and write a letter."
You can reach what?
"and await a cloud
that's moving at a lower level
that I can give a letter to".
or
I'll await a lower cloud
that I can give a letter to.
"I'll complain [therein] that we are thirsty,
and the fields are dry and crying
without tears that wet the flowers"
Do fields cry tears? Do they produce the water that flowers (not crops?) need to thrive?
"Will that little cloud have pity"
So now it's a "little" cloud?
"and convey my tiny message?"
Is your message really tiny? And can a cloud transport a letter?
And you haven't said who or what it is that you hope this cloud will convey it to.
"Will the proudly flying vapour
heed my plea and fly much lower"
Even assuming that a cloud can read, its flying lower does not mean that it will give rain.
Besides that, isn't your plea that this cloud will give rain, not fly lower?
Sorry, but your submission (about how, during a drought, you'd write a letter to be transported by a little cloud to a big one pleading the big cloud to give rain) is hardly an important subject, let alone something that is written well or has any power to interest a reader.
First
"Clouds, you seem so high and distant,
looking from your heights quite proudly"
In saying that they "seem" distant, you are noting that they might not actually be distant. And clouds don't look at anything in any manner.
"at the people and their river
that are asking for your water."
You are assuming that high-flying clouds contain rainwater. Do they?
And if it's people asking for a cloud's rain, then your phrase should be "WHO are asking".
"I'd intend to climb the mountain"
Leaving aside the fact that you've engaged in deixis here, your phrasing makes you say what you would consider doing under certain circumstances, but not that you are now going to climb "the" mountain to do something.
Better would be: "I'm intent to climb a nearby mountain ..."
"and await a cloud much humbler.
It proceeds at lower level."
This should be "and await a cloud much humbler that proceeds at lower levels." Or better "and await a cloud that's moving at a lower level ..."
And just because a cloud travels at a lower level, is it really humble?
"I can reach and write a letter."
You can reach what?
"and await a cloud
that's moving at a lower level
that I can give a letter to".
or
I'll await a lower cloud
that I can give a letter to.
"I'll complain [therein] that we are thirsty,
and the fields are dry and crying
without tears that wet the flowers"
Do fields cry tears? Do they produce the water that flowers (not crops?) need to thrive?
"Will that little cloud have pity"
So now it's a "little" cloud?
"and convey my tiny message?"
Is your message really tiny? And can a cloud transport a letter?
And you haven't said who or what it is that you hope this cloud will convey it to.
"Will the proudly flying vapour
heed my plea and fly much lower"
Even assuming that a cloud can read, its flying lower does not mean that it will give rain.
Besides that, isn't your plea that this cloud will give rain, not fly lower?
Sorry, but your submission (about how, during a drought, you'd write a letter to be transported by a little cloud to a big one pleading the big cloud to give rain) is hardly an important subject, let alone something that is written well or has any power to interest a reader.
1
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 3:33pm
Dear Baldwin,
I am really surprised. How can you write such...?
If you want me to answer you, ask about one point in each message. When we finish a point, we move to another.
.
I am really surprised. How can you write such...?
If you want me to answer you, ask about one point in each message. When we finish a point, we move to another.
.
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
The real question is how can YOU write such ...
And what reason do I have to follow your instructions? You never answer directly even when I ask about one point.
But let's see if you will. Are the clouds you speak of actually distant, or do they only seem to be? If they are actually distant, why did you say they seem to be?
And what reason do I have to follow your instructions? You never answer directly even when I ask about one point.
But let's see if you will. Are the clouds you speak of actually distant, or do they only seem to be? If they are actually distant, why did you say they seem to be?
0
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 4:39pm
You seem so high and distant to me. l'm trying to reach you in a way, which is climbing a high mountain. Perhaps, l'll reach a low one of you. I say they seem to be distant and high because l'll climb a high mountain and l'm not sure if l can reach them.
I'll deal with you in the same way when l write about your poems.
I'll deal with you in the same way when l write about your poems.
Re: Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
Seeming to be distant is not the same as actually being distant. And you actually say that the way to reach the rain cloud is via a message sent via a lower cloud into reaches that you are nowhere near even when you are on a mountain top. So even from a mountain top -- which, according to you, you only intend to climb someday, the cloud that you say contains rain is still distant from you. Make up your mind. Is it only an illusion that the proud cloud (questionably) containing rain is far away or is the cloud that contains rain really distant from you?
And you do not say "Perhaps, I'll reach a low one of you.". You say not only that you will definitely reach a low cloud, but a cloud that is different from the one you want to communicate with.
And you do not say "Perhaps, I'll reach a low one of you.". You say not only that you will definitely reach a low cloud, but a cloud that is different from the one you want to communicate with.
0
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 7:26pm
I did not say that l intend some day. No, we need water now. Therefore, the clouds seem high and distant to me.
Re: Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 8:18pm
You say you would intend -- which means that your climbing "the" mountain is conditional and not a thing that you are going to do now.
And you do not indicate that it is because the cloud is not giving you rain that it seems far off. It's far off because it is far off.
And you do not indicate that it is because the cloud is not giving you rain that it seems far off. It's far off because it is far off.
0
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 8:37pm
It's conditional because it is hard, and a great desire for me to achieve. It is quite clear in the poem because we are all thirsty even the land is.
It is a sort of equivocation. I mean the clouds are too high and proud to pity us and send us rain.
It is a sort of equivocation. I mean the clouds are too high and proud to pity us and send us rain.
Re: Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 8:46pm
Clouds, being water vapor, have no ability to have pity on anything.
You can pray to them all you want, but to expect them to answer your prayers is to engage in an absurd misunderstanding of what they are and what they are capable of.
And because of this, the narration of your submission shows that he is out of touch with reality.
You can pray to them all you want, but to expect them to answer your prayers is to engage in an absurd misunderstanding of what they are and what they are capable of.
And because of this, the narration of your submission shows that he is out of touch with reality.
0
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
I’d like to ask
a scudding cloud
to take a message to
his rain filled mate
to open up
his water gates
and bring relief
to my land’s drought.
But clouds are things
that I should know
are hardly sentient,
let alone
compassionate.
So I, unless I’m dumb,
should realize
that pleading with them’s
utter foolishness
and shows
that I, to think
that clouds will understand
my woes
and answer any of my pleas
to assuage them,
have inexplicably
so little sense
of how indifferent
towards men
is nature’s bent.
So if I then persist
in claiming otherwise,
I show the world
that I am far from sane
or wise.
a scudding cloud
to take a message to
his rain filled mate
to open up
his water gates
and bring relief
to my land’s drought.
But clouds are things
that I should know
are hardly sentient,
let alone
compassionate.
So I, unless I’m dumb,
should realize
that pleading with them’s
utter foolishness
and shows
that I, to think
that clouds will understand
my woes
and answer any of my pleas
to assuage them,
have inexplicably
so little sense
of how indifferent
towards men
is nature’s bent.
So if I then persist
in claiming otherwise,
I show the world
that I am far from sane
or wise.
1
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
31st Jul 2022 9:54pm
I'm quiet astonished how some men
think that they know what verse can be.
They think it is their private news
which makes the people full of glee.
They forget that a poem is
a kind of very refined art.
They tell the boring thoughts of theirs
and say they depend on sheer facts.
A poem is a rhythmic song
sung by a bard on dreamy land.
It makes the people live his tune
and share the image that he finds.
They want to chain the poet with
what is prosaic and quite void
of images and rhythmic sounds
and leave the readers quite annoyed.
think that they know what verse can be.
They think it is their private news
which makes the people full of glee.
They forget that a poem is
a kind of very refined art.
They tell the boring thoughts of theirs
and say they depend on sheer facts.
A poem is a rhythmic song
sung by a bard on dreamy land.
It makes the people live his tune
and share the image that he finds.
They want to chain the poet with
what is prosaic and quite void
of images and rhythmic sounds
and leave the readers quite annoyed.
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
"A poem is a rhythmic song
sung by a bard on dreamy land.
It makes the people live his tune
and share the image that he finds."
Leaving aside the fact that your last line needs to say where the bard finds his image to make sense, and that your third contains deixis, please tell me not only which of your pieces are rhythmic tunes that, despite their being imageless and filled with grammar gaffes, solecisms, misunderstood words, a limited vocabulary, and awkward phrasings, display a very refined art, but that has made "the" people live what you have "sung".
BTW, was the place where Homer (or his rhapsodes) sang the Iliad and the Odyssey (which he did in dactylic hexameter) a dreamy land? According to you, if he did not, then the Iliad and the Odyssey are not poems.
sung by a bard on dreamy land.
It makes the people live his tune
and share the image that he finds."
Leaving aside the fact that your last line needs to say where the bard finds his image to make sense, and that your third contains deixis, please tell me not only which of your pieces are rhythmic tunes that, despite their being imageless and filled with grammar gaffes, solecisms, misunderstood words, a limited vocabulary, and awkward phrasings, display a very refined art, but that has made "the" people live what you have "sung".
BTW, was the place where Homer (or his rhapsodes) sang the Iliad and the Odyssey (which he did in dactylic hexameter) a dreamy land? According to you, if he did not, then the Iliad and the Odyssey are not poems.
0
Re. A HUMBLE POSTMAN
I have some questions about these claims:
"I'm quiet astonished how some men "
So your astonishment is a silent one?
"think that they know what verse can be."
Why would you be astonished at that? Some men do know what verse can be.
Can be or should be?
"They think it is their private news
which makes the people full of glee."
Who has posted their private news as verse? And if they posted it, is it any longer private? And which people are "the" people. Deixis is poor writing.
"They forget that a poem is
a kind of very refined art.
They tell the boring thoughts of theirs
and say they depend on sheer facts."
What are "sheer" facts? How do they differ from other types of facts? And what's wrong with noting that what a person writes is based in reality, not absurdity or misinformation?
"They want to chain the poet with
what is prosaic and quite void
of images"
Who in particular does this? And more importantly, isn't this a description of what you post here? Your lines are prosaic in that they are declarative sentences devoid of metaphors and similes. And being all tell and no show, they lack images and concrete appeals to the senses.
"and leave the readers quite annoyed."
Please back up your claim by providing evidence that "these men" (among whom I presume you include me) have left anyone apart from you annoyed at what they post.
"I'm quiet astonished how some men "
So your astonishment is a silent one?
"think that they know what verse can be."
Why would you be astonished at that? Some men do know what verse can be.
Can be or should be?
"They think it is their private news
which makes the people full of glee."
Who has posted their private news as verse? And if they posted it, is it any longer private? And which people are "the" people. Deixis is poor writing.
"They forget that a poem is
a kind of very refined art.
They tell the boring thoughts of theirs
and say they depend on sheer facts."
What are "sheer" facts? How do they differ from other types of facts? And what's wrong with noting that what a person writes is based in reality, not absurdity or misinformation?
"They want to chain the poet with
what is prosaic and quite void
of images"
Who in particular does this? And more importantly, isn't this a description of what you post here? Your lines are prosaic in that they are declarative sentences devoid of metaphors and similes. And being all tell and no show, they lack images and concrete appeals to the senses.
"and leave the readers quite annoyed."
Please back up your claim by providing evidence that "these men" (among whom I presume you include me) have left anyone apart from you annoyed at what they post.
0