rain on the window

There's beauty in the raindrops  
running down the window pane
but I don't own a camera  
sophisticated enough to capture  
the subtle rivulets of water on glass
and the neighbours might get paranoid
at my lens pointed their way
if they're even at home  
and looking out their kitchen window
at the exact moment I fail
to capture the rain falling  
 
There's little beauty in being  
trapped inside today  
getting shark attacked  
by my toddler  
until I'm a purple and yellow mess
of small mouth bruises
that doesn't know  
how to vent frustration
any other way  
 
I want to punch walls  
and feel plaster crack  
I want to scream into my own silence
and feel it rip through everything
I bury just to get through the day
 
The walls bury me  
and the deluge ouside  
washes away the evidence
of my voiceless screams  
that say this day is both  
too much and not enough  
 
I don't know how to exist
in these in between spaces
of bruised skin  
and endless time
that seems as frozen  
as a photograph
without the context  
of every moment before
and every moment yet to come  
 
There's beauty in the raindrops  
running down the window pane
 
© Indie Adams 2022