Queen of the Haberdashery

Queen of the Haberdashery
 
“Sir, I see you are looking at our premier ties. Oh, but you really must try one on before making your decision. The one you are holding is part of our high-end collection. Here, let me try it on you. You don’t mind me wrapping it around your neck, do you? I know it feels a bit cozy but really my job is to make the customer feel pampered.”
   “All you’ve done is try a tie on me and I am already feeling very coddled.”
     “Here they call me the queen of the haberdashery. Though my duties are those of a courtier more than a monarch.”
     “Me thinks you stoop to conquer,” I reply.
     “A clichéd but apt truism. Do you mind that I not only put on but also straightened your future tie without permission?”
     “You seem to have a feel for color coordination as that tie matches my shirt seen in the mirror.”  
     She says, “I am a governess of male fashion. But a tie without the proper belt is like a wife without heels.” She takes the liberty to unbuckle my belt. “I’ll just slip this around your waist. There I have a good eye for sizing up men. It looks just great.”
     “I’ll put in a good word for your promotion to store manager.”
     “Please no, I feel right at home adjusting men’s wardrobe. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
     “You certainly know how to make a man fashionably in style.”  
     “Since you feel comfortable with me part your legs.”
     “I didn’t anticipate that move.”
     “Just to measure your inseam, I wouldn’t want you to come away from me with pants the wrong length.”
     “Your hauteur serves you well in your profession.”
     “Some say my mien fits me as a priestess of the haute couture.”
     I reply, “Surely you’d like me to put in a good word for you to get a raise.”
     “It seems only fair since I seem to have given you a raise.”