deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tainted Lust
This lust I once had
For u no longer exist
U scarred it with your lies of u
And I together ah bliss
Why and how could u
Just treat me this way
Ah beautiful am I this luv
U made someone else's pleasure day
Nutrisweet are his kisses
Boy u know together up we grew
U also know my longing was
To behold and have only u
I'm no longer asking u why....how
Could treat me this way
Because our spark never was
Another be the balance of my day
For u no longer exist
U scarred it with your lies of u
And I together ah bliss
Why and how could u
Just treat me this way
Ah beautiful am I this luv
U made someone else's pleasure day
Nutrisweet are his kisses
Boy u know together up we grew
U also know my longing was
To behold and have only u
I'm no longer asking u why....how
Could treat me this way
Because our spark never was
Another be the balance of my day
Published 29th Jun 2022
Author's Note
This is total fiction create something to provide as written material.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 185
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
29th Jun 2022 8:01am
Hey there Birchel,
I like the shorter stanzas here, they work well to help the flow and the attempts at rhyme. Good decision! I sort of get lost with all the 'U' usage instead of "you" I feel like it might help bring the poem together better if you consider that change and use 'you' instead.... just my own thoughts and opinions!!
I can already see an improvement in your work from the time you started, until now. I know you've been working hard at it!!
Great job, there.
Keep at it!!
🌹 - 💙-B
I like the shorter stanzas here, they work well to help the flow and the attempts at rhyme. Good decision! I sort of get lost with all the 'U' usage instead of "you" I feel like it might help bring the poem together better if you consider that change and use 'you' instead.... just my own thoughts and opinions!!
I can already see an improvement in your work from the time you started, until now. I know you've been working hard at it!!
Great job, there.
Keep at it!!
🌹 - 💙-B
29th Jun 2022 8:34am
I'll do that for u. I usually use u, because, it causes more wording within each line. That's no problem and thank u for your enjoyment Velvety.
Anonymous
29th Jun 2022 10:01am
It's only my opinion.... u do u!! I think when it comes down to it, that's all you can do....
lol....) thanks for taking my thoughts and opinions to heart, they were only options because I appreciate your work and only felt like you were wanting the honest feedback you selected.... but like I said... it's only my opinion
No offense meant only helpfulness.
Be well, my friend...
🌹 - B
lol....) thanks for taking my thoughts and opinions to heart, they were only options because I appreciate your work and only felt like you were wanting the honest feedback you selected.... but like I said... it's only my opinion
No offense meant only helpfulness.
Be well, my friend...
🌹 - B
29th Jun 2022 4:21pm
U didn't offend me Blue. U alright buddy. And, thank u again for thy kindness of eyes to my work and appreciated.
