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The Demon Emperor of Rome: Part One
- The Demon Emperor of Rome: Part One -
The city of Antium ought to have quaked... nay it would have... had it known what was coming. Upon my birth, I had been named in honor of the great Gaius Julius Caesar, for my parents had thought that it would be not merely an honor, but a hope in their hearts that I would go on to do great things. I was the youngest son of my parents, and I also had three sisters... in addition to my two older brothers. One of my earliest memories was of accompanying my father Germanicus on his various military campaigns in the north of Germania. The weather was dreadful up that far north! In the warmer seasons, I did not at all mind it really, but in the colder seasons when the snows fell and there was ice upon the tall pines of the dark forests, it could be difficult to bear for many grown men. Even worse for a child of only two or three years of age, or thereabouts. My father spared no expense to make me feel welcome! He had made for me to wear a miniature soldier's uniform, including armor, and called me his greatest soldier. It was a source of jesting among the actual soldiers themselves, who saw me in those perhaps silly boots that the uniform I wore had... and, seeing how seriously I took it, they called me by the nickname of “Little Boots”. Perhaps a rough translation, but that was the meaning. The name itself, was Caligula. I hated it, because they sought to use it against me, to ruin my self-image and turn pride into shame. It was likely the first time I realized that there was a darker underside to Rome than I had been taught to believe. It was cold in my father's camp, despite the warm fires that the soldiers lit and the furs and blankets that kept us from freezing during the nights. But the hearts of the men who mocked me, were colder. I had no wish to become that cold one day! I vowed that no matter what I had to become, it would not be so. My father was nothing like them! His always clean shaven face, his neatly trimmed hair, and his kind and polite manner were a mark of his nobility. The soldiers under him, were little better than a rabble.
My father was thirty three years old when he died at Antioch, in the province of Syria. He had, to my horror, been poisoned by an agent of the emperor, Tiberius, who had viewed Germanicus as a threat to his continued reign. Everyone knew that Tiberius was mad and delusional, drunk with power and of a cruel disposition. Even I hated him! Following my father's despicable murder, I lived with my mother. Her name was Agripinna the Elder, and she was the epitome of a classical noblewoman. She was very intelligent, highly resourceful, and savvy in the ways of the political intrigues of the Roman court. She was also... and rightly so... at odds with the emperor! Things went very badly between Tiberius and her, leaving me in somewhat of a dangerous position. My mother was forbidden by the emperor from ever remarrying, because in his paranoia he believed that any such husband of hers would only become the same sort of rival that he had thought my father to be. Both my mother, and my brother Nero, were thus banished into exile on false charges of treason. During my teenage years, I was sent away to live with my great grandmother Livia, a kindly enough woman to be sure, though not long for this world it would seem. When she died, as was expected given her age combined with her deteriorating health, I then had been sent to live with my grandmother, Antonia Minor. Sometime thereafter, further tragedy struck my family. Word was sent from the island of Ponza, the place of my brother Nero's exile, that he had died. My other brother Drusus yet lived, but he was still cruelly imprisoned. Naturally, his death was spun so as to seem the most natural of things, but I always felt in my heart that his end had so been orchestrated. And the man who had caused it was Tiberius himself! For he had a mind to adopt me, a notion that had come to him quite out of the blue. Or perhaps out of the low whispering of those who longed to see me replace the debauched fool one day soon. Adopted! It was hardly so polite a thing. I and my sisters, had become veritable prisoners of the state, watched perpetually by soldiers and denied contact with many in the world outside of the Imperial Palace. I had become a hostage in a political chess game, and each day I wondered if I was being set up to lose, as when a pawn is sacrificed on the chessboard. I was not allowed to remain a the palace for long... and, soon, was sent to the notorious pleasure island of Capri.
That was the heart of Tiberius' mad world, the very center of his indulgences, and the place to which he had decided to retreat from reality. I lived there with that madman for six long years, and I played in that time the part of a devoted servant of the emperor. I played that role so well, that Tiberius was often moved to tears by my loyalty... that being I believe, the only reason he did not kill me on a whim as he had most certainly killed my father. I was plotting for some time to murder Tiberius with a dagger that I was able to liberate from a guard while he was drunkenly passed out during one of Tiberius' revels. On that very evening, I crept into the emperor's private chambers, intent on plunging that blade into his vile throat, filled as it was with so many lies and slanders against my family. Yet, I had misjudged the fool's capacity for drunkenness himself, for he was more sober and less passed out himself than I had hoped would be the case. He gazed at me, trying to comprehend why I would wish to harm him at all, his poor wine addled brain never connecting my anger with his wicked deeds. I saw him then and there not as an emperor, but as a foolish and pathetic man who had wasted his life. A man who was intent on taking to the grave with him as many lost souls as was possible for him to victimize. He was weak, pathetic, and vile. I had not the heart to kill him, and so I threw the dagger on the floor, allowing its' clatter to fully bring the man to his senses. He saw my intent, and yet he allowed me to live. He told me later that I, of all his enemies, alone had the courage to stand before him with a dagger at the ready. “Most, prefer to slither like snakes behind my back!” he explained. He commended me for my courage, but stated that despite this: “You are still a viper! But one that I would prefer to nurse close to Rome's bosom. Better to have a viper we can use, than one that can be used against us.” The secret society that he was a part of, the Order of the Serpent, was very powerful in ancient Rome, and very hidden. Tiberius initiated me into its' mysteries, and they were dark, terrible, and cruel mysteries indeed. I saw much blood, terror, and madness during that time! In my anger, in the angst of those days in bondage, I allowed myself to become intoxicated by it. In public, Tiberius said that this was all to prove to the world that I was only capable of undoing myself, as all of the emperor's enemies did... at least in his belief. “Allowing you to be initiated into our secrets, is not a kindness.” he explained to me on the day of my initiation. “It is a test! For I personally believe that you will succeed only in bringing ruin upon yourself in life. Yet, my masters in the order feel that you could one day outshine even my brilliance! I see you as naught but a Phaethon, and in the end the world shall be the judge of the matter... not I.” I planned very much to so outshine him! Already I was his better. Sometime following my apprenticeship in the dark order, I was granted by Tiberius the rank of Quaestor. A boring title that merely meant I was an elected official who was expected to supervise the state treasury and conduct dull audits. It was as if the emperor sensed I had grander designs and saw fit to humble me before them. All he did, was frustrate me! I held that silly title until I eventually became emperor myself. Meanwhile, both my mother and my remaining brother Drusus died, still in exile and still imprisoned by the will of Tiberius. I was in the early twenties by the time Tiberius decided to arrange for a marriage between myself and a certain noble lady by the name of Junia Claudilla. A lady who was secretly a member of the Order of the Serpent. Tiberius felt that in the act of seeing to my marriage to Junia, he would be insuring that I would remain loyal to the same dark masters that he served. For if I faltered, if I wavered, she would see to it that they knew. The wedding ceremony was held at Antium, and Tiberius himself was in attendance. To refuse the marriage would have been an insult to the emperor and to the secret society he served. Death for me, on both counts! So I was agreeable to the match, and in the end she came to live with me at Capri while all around us there brew political intrigues of every sort. The year following our wedding night, Junia died in the throes of childbirth, our child... my first child... perishing along with her. After that, I tried to lose myself in the arms of a woman named Ennia Thrasylla. She too was a noblewoman, married to a prefect by the name of Quintus Naevius Cordus Sutorius Macro. A pompous name! I simply called him Macro, and came to regard him as a good friend. He would prove to be a useful ally as well, especially given my ambitions.
Macro was the one who had introduced me to his wife, and when she and I became lovers many had whispered that it was Macro who had seen to this, in order to court my favor. The lady, mutually, was of the thought that this arrangement would keep me well disposed towards her husband. Macro thus had a mind to speak fair of me to Tiberius, who often listened closely to all that the prefect had to say. Soon, the emperor trusted me above all others, and had a mind to name me his heir. Not sole heir mind you! For I was to share my position as heir to the empire with Tiberius' grandson, Tiberius Gemellus. I hated Gemellus, though not nearly as much as I hated Tiberius himself! I never let him realize how I actually felt, however, choosing to treat him with respect and to act kindly to him whenever so possible. One blissful Monday, the emperor breathed his last. Tiberius was finally no more! It was not a natural death, however. In the end, I had my revenge on the man after all. During his final moments, Tiberius was living in Misenum, and it was not many months before he was to turn seventy eight years of age. Too long a time, for such a tyrant! It was an auspicious place for the man to meet his end, for it was said that Misenum was named after Misenus, a companion of the great Trojan hero Hector, who would go on to become the trumpeter to the great Aeneas. Misenus was purported to have drowned near the place that would become named after him, after engaging in a trumpet competition with the sea god Triton. Tiberius also had drowned... not literally... but figuratively, in the waters of his own fell deeds. For he had made one enemy too many! He stopped breathing, they said. A natural death, at least at the first. I was at the villa there, being congratulated officially on my succession to the empire. For in the eyes of all, I was the most correct and logical choice to be the next emperor. Gemellus was not seen to be cut out for such a position, and did not have the peoples' favor as I did. But no sooner had I been so praised and honored, than a servant rushed forth to inform us that Tiberius had revived and regained his full faculties. For he had been quite insane at the end of his life, up until then! Everyone who gathered to honor me fled in haste, each man and woman fearful that the still-emperor would seek to do them no end of mischief for everyone believing him to be dead. Macro, seeking to prevent such an outcome, so ran into Tiberius bedchambers to confront him... and there, he smothered the man with his very own bedclothes. We had actually been poisoning Tiberius up until that point, who was refusing food near the end out of fear of being poisoned. Thus, he was going to die in any case, either through starvation or some other means. That starvation was helped along by my having intercepted the emperor's requests for food and telling the servants that he wished only for warmth instead. Macro had great difficulty in the act of the emperor's murder, and I could the struggle from outside the chambers. I ran in to see the emperor attempting to rise to his feet from the couch he was reclining upon previously. He fell down, being weak as he was, and then Macro and I were both upon him. I assisted, but Macro's strength saw to Tiberius' end. No one saw it as murder, for so hated was Tiberius that many upon learning he had perished could be seen in great mobs that filled the streets of Rome itself yelling: “To the Tiber with Tiberius!” for the bodies of criminals were often thrown into that river. He was cremated, however, if only to deny the angry mod its' justice. His ashes were then quietly laid to rest in the Mausoleum of the noble Augustus. Perhaps a better resting place than Tiberius deserved, for the cruel deeds he had done!
In this will, the emperor had left all of his power an authority jointly to myself and Gemellus, as I had expected. But since the people wished to see me alone become the new emperor, it was suggested to me that for my first act upon becoming named Princeps I could always void Tiberius' will entirely. I wasted no time in so doing... and thus the will of Tiberius was defied, even with his death. Macro backed me in this act of law, and still further... Gemellus was declared to be insane, for with Tiberius' death the man had taken leave of all his senses and begun to behave much had the former emperor himself had. There was now nothing left to be done, and I was proclaimed emperor by the Roman Senate that very March. I accepted the powers of the Principate with dignity and gratitude, and all the people cheered my name.
I was such a young man at the time! And the crowds that hailed me called me their baby, their star, their glory, their liberator. I had been the first emperor who was admired by everyone in the whole of the empire, not just within Rome itself. But all the known world at the time, from the rising sun to the setting sun, from east to west and all within. It was not my noble blood or parentage that made them so elated, but the fact that I was not the tyrant Tiberius. Over a thousand animals were sacrificed during the three months in which the people rejoiced, and I made certain to tour all of the temples in Rome in order to show the people that even the gods themselves approved of me. “Be mindful! Thou art only a mortal.” said one of the servants who toured the temples with me. I needed no reminder of that fact, for I saw in Tiberius the fate of all mortals in the end. It was only a question of the legacy one leaves prior to their passing, and I wished for mine to be grand and glorious when my own end came. People said that my early reign as emperor was blissful and a golden age for the empire as a whole. I was generous, yet smart enough to know that I was buying peoples' favor. I rewarded the military greatly, especially the elite soldiers of the Praetorian Guard, and both the troops stations in Rome and those abroad were likewise compensated for the years they had suffered under Tiberius. I made a grand spectacle in public of tearing apart Tiberius' treason papers that contained the lists of all those he has suspected of treason against him. I ended the treason trials that he had enacted, and which were continuing right up until the man's death, and gave a great speech declaring that they were now a thing of the past. Any who were in exile still, I recalled from that horrid fate, and any yet imprisoned by the former emperor I had set free. I gave money to those who could not afford to pay their taxes, had convicted rapists and all manner of sexual predators banished from Rome, and had various celebrations, parades, and other spectacles in every variety of pageantry, put on for the public's enjoyment. Even gladiatorial games, though I was far less fond of them than I was of chariot races. At the last, I led a large force consisting of various nobles and soldiers to the terrible place where my mother had died. We collected her remains with honor and bore them to the tomb of Augustus, where they were so interred with all great and befitting ceremony. That was how my reign began, innocently enough. That was, however... not the way it would continue!
It was October in the year 37 A.D. Since childhood, I had always had a terrible fear of thunderstorms. To this day, in this current life, I find them difficult to bear! But on that year, upon a certain fateful day in that very month... I was in a particularly dark state of mind made worse by having previously that day heard a poet reciting a poem that he had wrote called “Spirits on the Wind” which was a peculiar poem about demons being carried up from the underworld by means of a great storm with howling winds and bright forks of lightning. It was that sort of a storm, that night! None of the stars were to be seen, and I was suffering from horrific night terrors, which happened to me a lot back then, as now. I was foolish, and I ran outside, half in my sleep, only to end up soaked to the bone from the rain. I became very ill a bit after that, though my personal physician believed I had also been poisoned somehow. It appeared that my tonsils had swollen so much, that it was becoming difficult for me to either swallow or breathe. One black night, I had stopped breathing altogether... not for too long a time mind you, but only briefly. My favorite of all my sisters, Julia Drusilla, kept me company all through every moment of my illness, and she was at my side when I seemed to die. She screamed, I was told, and called my name multiple times. I was undergoing a terrible near death experience in which I descended first into the underworld, and then into Hell itself. I saw sights that are not for any mortal eyes, and I beheld things that are not fit for any sound mind to bear. I heard the whispers of the devils, and was informed by some of them that I myself was not mortal after all. That my spirit was of the fallen, the infernal. Of the dark powers of Hell itself! Tartaros, we had called that place. It was familiar to me, while also strange! I cannot say what all I experienced there. Only that when my breath and life returned to me, it had changed me! I had a very similar illness, in this current life, and a similar near death experience... with much the same meaning.
Drusilla was delighted to see me alive again, and I recovered within that week from the affliction that had affected my tonsils. My personal physician said it was a miracle sent by the gods! But I saw with a kind of new sight now, for my third eye, the eye of the spirit through which one may see the other side, that invisible eye that one's mortal physical eyes cannot behold, but through which one might behold much that is hidden... that same was more open than it had been in all the days of my life previously. It would never close, and so I would have to simply learn to deal with being able to actively see demons, angels, gods, goddesses, and spirits of every sort. When the ashes of my mother, following the burning of her remains, were placed within the tomb of our ancestors... I swear I could see her spirit standing at my side. I could feel her arm upon my shoulder. But now! Now, I could see so very much more. I had every intention of using my new sight in order to determine who my enemies might be, so that whoever it was that had poisoned me might be punished. I told Drusilla of all this, and she shuddered. To show her comfort, I kissed her upon her delicate lips and once I had fully recovered we made love... fiercely. “Is this proper, brother?” she asked, to which I replied: “We will make it proper, my love.” and so we did, much to the disgust of many who would come to see our incestuous behavior as quite scandalous. Yet, that was probably the very least shocking thing that I would do, during the months that followed.
Gemellus had been named my adopted son by law, though he was my cousin in fact. I met with him enough to know his traitorous heart, however, and so I thought it prudent to order his execution. And a most bloody and frightful death it was, that he was dealt! This outraged Antonia Minor greatly but I had no care for my grandmother's protestations regarding the matter. Protestations that extended to her, in the end, committing suicide. Some began to believe I had poisoned her, but if anyone had it was likely Macro who often did rather questionable acts, claiming to do such things in my name and for my own benefit. My father-in-law, from my marriage to Junia Claudilla... a rather odious man, named Marcus Junius Silanus... was the next to be executed. This time, in a more spectacular and public fashion! My reasoning for his death was that I was avenging my late wife's honor, since she had confided in me the fact that he had in the past beaten her, prior to her becoming my wife. Which led to her having a bit of a fixation on death, for as a child she always feared her father would kill her one day. I had no tolerance for such as would cause such fear in a child's heart! I remember saying upon the day of his execution: “Now on this day, my late wife may rest her spirit gently, knowing that one who hurt her is no more!”
On the tenth day of June, in the year 38, my beloved sister Drusilla had died from a fever that was at the time running rampant and mostly unchecked throughout the city of Rome. Since my wife's death, I had looked to her as my sole comfort, even above Ennia Thrasylla herself. In many ways, I came to see Drusilla as my own unofficial second wife, and was very public in my displays of affection towards her. I was never quite the same, following her passing. The following year caused me to realize I could no longer trust my two remaining sisters at all. Both of them, Agrippina and Livilla... along with the man who had been Drusilla's husband, Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, had been engaged in a plot to murder me. Worse still! At least one of the two women, if not both, had been having an adulterous affair with him. An act that dishonored the late Drusilla, whom I had by then come to regard as a highly as a goddess. The plot was known as the Plot of the Three Daggers... and, out of it, Lepidus planned to have himself named as the new emperor. I had all three of them arrested as soon as proof of the plot became known, and during the trial I denounced all three of them with equal anger. I was also able to produce the very source of this proof... letters written by both sisters, in their own hand, detailing everything. I ordered the two women exiled to a place befitting of their treachery, and saw to the execution of Lepidus at last. I sent three daggers to the Temple of Mars the Avenger to celebrate the man's death, and the Senate had passed a motion agreeing that Lepidus' remains should be cast away, for the wild animals to gnaw on.
The year 38 saw a return to form for me in many ways, as I focused on trying to create a much better system both politically in the public sense, for all of Rome. I strove for more transparency by allowing the accounts of public funds to be made public knowledge through publication. Something Tiberus, in his time as emperor, had sought to cover up rather than make public. I aided many who were suffering due to having lost their homes or their property during fires, and even abolished certain taxes that I so found to be excessive in nature. I personally appeared at gymnastics events to give out prizes, as well as to admire the physical beauty of the contestants. New members were even allowed into positions within the equestrian and senatorial orders. Fair elections were once more instituted, which came to irritate the ones who thought to control elections in order to sway the government towards their own agendas. For such corrupt individuals had their own ideas about what was fair and what was not. I dispensed, after a time, with trails in cases where guilt was evident, and oversaw such executions personally. Many were disturbed by that, and by the incident that led to me having Macro arrested. You see... I was given the rather damning written evidence myself, which revealed that while I was suffering during the illness in which I had my near death experience... Macro had secretly allied himself with Gemellus, whom he had planned to use as a pawn to further his own political ambitions. Having believed him to have been loyal to me, this came as a shock and as a kind of ultimate betrayal. The arrest itself, was done carefully and with discretion. I had him promised a full governorship in Egypt, and once he arrived at Ostia... along with Ennia... to embark upon the voyage thereto, I had him arrested and stripped of his office entirely. Then, I sent orders for both Macro and Ennia to take their own lives and failing that to expect painful deaths at the hands of the soldiers. It had come to my attention that Macro had put Ennia up to merely pretending to love me, and so this was a double betrayal of me in which both were complicit. All of my fair and fond memories of Ennia perished with that knowledge! And so were they made to perish. It is said that Macro was quite defiant at the end... and that both he and his treacherous wife uttered many blasphemous curses against myself as the emperor. His final act of feigned generosity was leaving just enough money to provide his home town of Alba Fucens with an amphitheater. So pompous to the last!
Within the year 39, many thought that my generosity and alleged extravagance had exhausted the very treasuries of the state itself. In order to compensate, I was instructed by my advisors to seize the estates of various people found guilty of crimes against the empire. However, those I left in charge of this had it in their heads to abuse the situation by falsely accusing various wealthy individuals of this or that. A great many were fined, though most were killed prior to all they had being confiscated. Hoping to find a better way to raise money, I made a series of public announcements asking any who were able to lend the money to the state. I also decided to place taxes upon lawsuits, weddings, and prostitution since a lot of the people engaged in those activities, I reasoned, could well afford the financial loss. And since the gladiators in many of the games were slated to die anyway, I decided to raise money by auctioning off some of their lives. For instance, if someone wished to see a certain gladiator die, and still another live... I arranged this, for a price. Items once intended to have been left to Tiberius, I had seized and instead ordered that they be given to me. Centurions who had come by wealth or property through the act of plunder during times of war, I required the same to turn over their spoils to the state, to thus be divided lawfully or seized in order to make money. Any people in commissioner positions, especially the ones who oversaw the roads, if they were found to be either guilty of incompetence or any sort of embezzlement, then they were forced to repay that money. Some claim that I had squandered roughly 2.7 sesterces that previously Tiberius had amassed like a miser. I saw it as further revenge against him. Distressingly, a terrible famine resulted when the soldiers zealously decided to seize several carriages that were engaged in the importing of grain, to take the grain merchants' money from them. Various grain boats were also seized, and ended up repurposed for various construction projects a bit later on.
In thinking only of the money I spent, historians often neglect the good I did with much of it. I had ordered improvements to various harbors that were in need of such, which in turn allowed for greater numbers of grain imports to enter Rome by way of Egypt. Thus was the famine alleviated quite nicely! The great Temple of Augustus was completed, as was the Theater of Pompey. A mighty amphitheater was begun in a place beside the Saepta, and the Imperial Palace was expanded and decorated afresh. An act that had been neglected by Tiberius when he abandoned the palace and retreated to his little island. Aqueducts were raised... and a new racetrack was built. I even had a grand obelisk brought all the way from Egypt in order that it might stand in the middle of the city of Rome itself. In several other cities, I had walls repaired, along with repairs to various temples. New roads were created, and new laws put into place to ensure that they would be kept in serviceable condition. I had planned even more, but in the end the greater plans would perish with me when my time came to die! A palace at Samos was to be rebuilt more grandly, a certain temple of Apollo at Ephesus was to be finished, and a city was planned to be settled at an ideal location high in the Alps. I even had a trusty chief centurion sent to the Isthmus of Corinth in Greece, in order to see if it might be possible to dig a canal through it. I had an eye for art!
A rather foolish soothsayer by the name of Thrasyllus of Mendes, who had served Tiberius, had said of me that I had no more a chance of becoming emperor than of riding a horse across the Bay of Baiae. Now Baiae was a bit of a pleasant resort community of sorts, and it lay across a great bay from the port of Puteoli. A good two miles or so of water thus stretched between. I myself, in that life, could not at all swim, and had to keep my ears above water in any case because I was prone to getting ear infections of a sort that, if too much water got into my ears, I could have serious problems. I may be able to swim in this current life, but my ears have the same issue even today. A holdover from back then. In order to at last get the final laugh over Thrasyllus, I ordered a temporary floating pontoon bridge to be constructed, and yes that is where those grain boats I mentioned earlier come into play. The ships were made all into makeshift pontoons, and the bridge that ran across them spanned the two miles from Baiae to Puteoli. I had my favorite of all my horses, the noble Incitatus, brought to the place where I planned to make my grand crossing. And from out of the darkest under-chambers and crypts that so lay beneath the Imperial Palace, I had personally retrieved from a certain treasure vault the very same breastplate that once had been worn by the legendary Alexander the Great. It still shone and sparkled in the sunlight, and I had chosen the perfect day for this display! Once Incitatus arrived, I mounted my steed and rode across the bridge I had overseen the creation of, crossing the Bay of Biae in the very manner that it was said I had no chance of ever doing. People gathered to cheer me on, and there was a grand celebration and a feast once this deed was accomplished. I would soon prove that there was nothing beyond me to accomplish! I was commended for my ingenuity, and Incitatus was praised for his bravery. It had been a good day.
Out of my entire navy, the two largest of all my ships were considered marvels of the ancient world. The larger of the two was a veritable palace complete with marble floors, tiles, and working plumbing. Whilst the smaller vessel was designed to be a floating temple dedicated to my patron goddess Diana, whom I also regarded as my spiritual sister under her name Diana Lucifera. Upon hearing of this, the early Christians of that era took it to be a sign that I was Lucifer, one of their names for the Devil. The Beast, some of them took to calling me, saying I was the opposite of all that Jesus Christ had been. If only they realized how right they were! But even I was only just beginning to realize the extent of all that I truly was. My human form was but a mask, a raiment I wore. Beneath it lay so much more than anyone could have possibly imagined, save in dreams or nightmares alone! The Senate was beginning to despise me by then, and my relations with it began to deteriorate like a corpse left in the streets for too long. The Senate being the corpse, only one that was too foolish to realize that it was in fact dead.
I saw them as adhering too much to the past, and lacking any true artistic vision regarding the future. They saw me as a hedonist, a renegade, a libertine and someone far too individualistic to be controlled like a puppet. Similar to my namesake, the great Julius Caesar, I intended to shake all of Rome to its' very core, to put an end to the stifling and stagnant order that had produced fools such as Tiberius. I was an artist, after all, and a poet. And back then, all of the known world was my canvas! Now was the time to paint my vision for all to see. Thus began the feud between myself and the Senate. For the kind of constructive chaos I sought to bring, was the very antithesis of the order they were sworn to uphold. An order that had already failed long before I was even born! The Senate was accustomed to ruling of its' own accord ever since Tiberius had departed for Capri and left the members of the Senate to their own devices. They did not like it that I intended to take a firmer hand than my predecessor had... for it undermined their sense of power and authority. As well as their greed! Looking for anything I could use against the Senate, I searched through old records including documents from Tiberius' treason trials. At last, I found the proof I was looking for! Certain of the members of the Senate were corrupt indeed, and could no longer be considered worthy of the public's trust. I ordered them all investigated, the men as well as their wives and relatives. Trials were conducted, and the consul had to be replaced due to his uncertain loyalties. Several senators were found guilty of plotting direct treason against me, and so they were put to death in front of their loved ones. Those of them who had any loved ones, that is. Others of the senators who were found guilty were made into my servants and forced to wait upon me hand and foot. Their wives washed my feet with their hair... and their daughters became my harlots, in order to spare their parents' lives. Some of the old men were made to run beside my chariot as I passed along the main roads through the city of Rome, in full view of all. It was while all of that was going on, that the events surrounding the Plot of the Three Daggers unfolded precisely as I detailed earlier. This was the backdrop for that dramatic event, and for others soon to unfold! As I left Rome and proceeded upon my way to Moguntiacum, the capital of Gemania Superior, accompanied by my sisters and by Lepidus, all three of them to be delivered to their fates for having acted against me... it came to my full attention, as we reached that capital, that the governor of Germania was actually plotting to assassinate me. Among various other acts of treason he was guilty of. Once we got there officially, he was one of many to be executed for his crimes. His popularity with his soldiers caused them to frown upon this greatly, but it was a necessary evil for the greater good of the empire. Lepidus, in the end, was executed by a loyal tribune as I looked on. Whilst my sisters Agrippina and Livilla were exiled to the Pontine Islands. Just prior to her exile, Agrippina was given the bones of the traitorous Lepidus in a large urn, and was told to carry them all the way back to Rome. Though the Senate had grown to hate me, the way I handled that whole affair was approved of by them... quite zealously. They were ever fans, of creative cruelties.
Throughout the times in which I was forced to deal with riots, conspiracies, and plots during the more easterly territories and lands of the empire, one of my greatest allies was a man named Herod Agrippa, who was greatly famed when he became the governor of Batanaea and Trachonitis not long after I had become emperor in the year 37. I never fully grasped the situation in the east! Whether it involved the spread of Greek culture, Roman law, or the rights of the Jewish people... it was never made quite plain to me. All I did know is that I never quite was able to trust the prefect of Egypt, Aulus Avilius Flaccus, mostly due to how staunchly loyal he had been to Tiberius, and how he had his own part to play in the conspiracies against my mother. To add insult to injury, he had deep connections to several separatist groups within Egypt itself, and this made the situation volatile there. I once sent Agrippa to the city of Alexandria in order to check up on the prefect unannounced, and so possibly discover the depths of the man's capacity for treachery. There was some contention regarding how the Greek people saw Agrippa, in relation to the Jewish people. As a result, riots, chaos, and disorder broke out all across the city itself.
This situation forced me to remove the prefect Flaccus from his position, and ordering his execution as reports were delivered unto me mentioning how extensively he had overreached himself with more treasonous ambitions. But Agrippa had problems of his own to deal with! His uncle Herod Antipas, the infamous Tetrarch of Galilee and Perea, a man known for having a taste for decadence to rival even my own, was discovered to be planning a full-scale rebellion against Rome with the help of the rival nation of Parthia. Naturally, Herod Antipas confessed to everything... he had little choice in that matter after all... and thus was he forced into exile. A fate perhaps preferable to him than death, but less dignified. As a reward for Agrippa's loyalty, I allowed him to take possession of all Antipas' lands and holdings. The year 39 had not been an easy one, to be sure, but in comparison the following year saw far darker times unfold when the animosity between the Greek and Jewish peoples reached a boiling point. For the Greeks accused the Jews of not honoring me as emperor, and disputes ran rampant over cities, towns, and territories. Altars dedicated to the gods seemed to anger the Jews greatly, and soon riots of far more violent sorts than had ever been seen before broke out... especially within Alexandria itself. I conferred with the Order of the Serpent, as well as with my most trusted advisors, who all said that I needed to send a message that would cement my place as the absolute authority in the east leaving no place for rebellious actions. That was when I commanded a great statue of myself be created and, as per the exact orders I was given by the Order of the Serpent, I had it raised in the great temple that was the very heart of the Jewish faith, in Jerusalem itself. The Christians took to calling that statue “The Abomination of Desolation”, and saw this as their final proof that I was indeed “The Beast” that they feared so greatly. This, to them, was evidence that the end of the current world order was at hand. That Rome was on the downward spiral to at last falling as a world power. I wish I could say that they were wrong, but in the end their prophecies regarding Rome's fate would prove to be correct. Jews and Christians alike rose up in even greater acts of rebellion and anger than before! Rather than bringing order, the statue I had been told to raise, and the compulsory worship of myself as emperor that came with it, drove the equivalent of hot nails into the coffin of peace in that region, ensuring that only chaos remained. I felt disgusted, angry, and embittered towards my advisors, and towards the dark order that I had felt long restricted me even as they tried to manipulate and control me. I began to consider ways in which they could be dealt with at long last. As it was, Publius Petronius, the governor of Syria at the time, was loathe to carry out the orders to raise that statue of me, in that place... of all places. He put it off for nearly the whole of the year, before Agrippa finally managed to talk him into going through with it. At first, neither man took the whole matter seriously and did not believe the temple in Jerusalem was going to be where the object was actually going to be placed after all. Only once my second order to do so was issued, did either man take it seriously and realize that this was indeed not a jest. In Rome itself, plans were under way to thus erect an even more colossal statue of myself, this one fashioned wholly of gilt brass... also for the very purpose of laying down the law in regard to who was actually in power. That statue would never, in the end, arrive within my lifetime. Who was in power, though? I felt like a prisoner, trapped well between the Senate that grew to hate me more and more, and the Order of the Serpent who wished to use me as a puppet for them to remain the true power behind the Imperial Throne. I knew myself to be divine, yet I was held back still by these mortal fools who were making of me an object of hate rather than love. In my heart, I sought to be loved above all others, and yet... all around me there was hatred, madness, and death. Along with the impending decline of the empire itself, at the hands of those who should have in fact known better. I was never going to live past my twenty eighth year of life, and I began to wonder if my death also was planned by these schemers he sought to hold me by a leash like a dog. My frustration began to mount increasingly, and by the year 40... I planned to act, to take matters into my own hands. My advisors could only advise... I did not have to listen to them any longer. The Senate, I could in time deal with reasonably, but the fell Order of the Serpent needed to go! Or at the least, be brought to heel.
The city of Antium ought to have quaked... nay it would have... had it known what was coming. Upon my birth, I had been named in honor of the great Gaius Julius Caesar, for my parents had thought that it would be not merely an honor, but a hope in their hearts that I would go on to do great things. I was the youngest son of my parents, and I also had three sisters... in addition to my two older brothers. One of my earliest memories was of accompanying my father Germanicus on his various military campaigns in the north of Germania. The weather was dreadful up that far north! In the warmer seasons, I did not at all mind it really, but in the colder seasons when the snows fell and there was ice upon the tall pines of the dark forests, it could be difficult to bear for many grown men. Even worse for a child of only two or three years of age, or thereabouts. My father spared no expense to make me feel welcome! He had made for me to wear a miniature soldier's uniform, including armor, and called me his greatest soldier. It was a source of jesting among the actual soldiers themselves, who saw me in those perhaps silly boots that the uniform I wore had... and, seeing how seriously I took it, they called me by the nickname of “Little Boots”. Perhaps a rough translation, but that was the meaning. The name itself, was Caligula. I hated it, because they sought to use it against me, to ruin my self-image and turn pride into shame. It was likely the first time I realized that there was a darker underside to Rome than I had been taught to believe. It was cold in my father's camp, despite the warm fires that the soldiers lit and the furs and blankets that kept us from freezing during the nights. But the hearts of the men who mocked me, were colder. I had no wish to become that cold one day! I vowed that no matter what I had to become, it would not be so. My father was nothing like them! His always clean shaven face, his neatly trimmed hair, and his kind and polite manner were a mark of his nobility. The soldiers under him, were little better than a rabble.
My father was thirty three years old when he died at Antioch, in the province of Syria. He had, to my horror, been poisoned by an agent of the emperor, Tiberius, who had viewed Germanicus as a threat to his continued reign. Everyone knew that Tiberius was mad and delusional, drunk with power and of a cruel disposition. Even I hated him! Following my father's despicable murder, I lived with my mother. Her name was Agripinna the Elder, and she was the epitome of a classical noblewoman. She was very intelligent, highly resourceful, and savvy in the ways of the political intrigues of the Roman court. She was also... and rightly so... at odds with the emperor! Things went very badly between Tiberius and her, leaving me in somewhat of a dangerous position. My mother was forbidden by the emperor from ever remarrying, because in his paranoia he believed that any such husband of hers would only become the same sort of rival that he had thought my father to be. Both my mother, and my brother Nero, were thus banished into exile on false charges of treason. During my teenage years, I was sent away to live with my great grandmother Livia, a kindly enough woman to be sure, though not long for this world it would seem. When she died, as was expected given her age combined with her deteriorating health, I then had been sent to live with my grandmother, Antonia Minor. Sometime thereafter, further tragedy struck my family. Word was sent from the island of Ponza, the place of my brother Nero's exile, that he had died. My other brother Drusus yet lived, but he was still cruelly imprisoned. Naturally, his death was spun so as to seem the most natural of things, but I always felt in my heart that his end had so been orchestrated. And the man who had caused it was Tiberius himself! For he had a mind to adopt me, a notion that had come to him quite out of the blue. Or perhaps out of the low whispering of those who longed to see me replace the debauched fool one day soon. Adopted! It was hardly so polite a thing. I and my sisters, had become veritable prisoners of the state, watched perpetually by soldiers and denied contact with many in the world outside of the Imperial Palace. I had become a hostage in a political chess game, and each day I wondered if I was being set up to lose, as when a pawn is sacrificed on the chessboard. I was not allowed to remain a the palace for long... and, soon, was sent to the notorious pleasure island of Capri.
That was the heart of Tiberius' mad world, the very center of his indulgences, and the place to which he had decided to retreat from reality. I lived there with that madman for six long years, and I played in that time the part of a devoted servant of the emperor. I played that role so well, that Tiberius was often moved to tears by my loyalty... that being I believe, the only reason he did not kill me on a whim as he had most certainly killed my father. I was plotting for some time to murder Tiberius with a dagger that I was able to liberate from a guard while he was drunkenly passed out during one of Tiberius' revels. On that very evening, I crept into the emperor's private chambers, intent on plunging that blade into his vile throat, filled as it was with so many lies and slanders against my family. Yet, I had misjudged the fool's capacity for drunkenness himself, for he was more sober and less passed out himself than I had hoped would be the case. He gazed at me, trying to comprehend why I would wish to harm him at all, his poor wine addled brain never connecting my anger with his wicked deeds. I saw him then and there not as an emperor, but as a foolish and pathetic man who had wasted his life. A man who was intent on taking to the grave with him as many lost souls as was possible for him to victimize. He was weak, pathetic, and vile. I had not the heart to kill him, and so I threw the dagger on the floor, allowing its' clatter to fully bring the man to his senses. He saw my intent, and yet he allowed me to live. He told me later that I, of all his enemies, alone had the courage to stand before him with a dagger at the ready. “Most, prefer to slither like snakes behind my back!” he explained. He commended me for my courage, but stated that despite this: “You are still a viper! But one that I would prefer to nurse close to Rome's bosom. Better to have a viper we can use, than one that can be used against us.” The secret society that he was a part of, the Order of the Serpent, was very powerful in ancient Rome, and very hidden. Tiberius initiated me into its' mysteries, and they were dark, terrible, and cruel mysteries indeed. I saw much blood, terror, and madness during that time! In my anger, in the angst of those days in bondage, I allowed myself to become intoxicated by it. In public, Tiberius said that this was all to prove to the world that I was only capable of undoing myself, as all of the emperor's enemies did... at least in his belief. “Allowing you to be initiated into our secrets, is not a kindness.” he explained to me on the day of my initiation. “It is a test! For I personally believe that you will succeed only in bringing ruin upon yourself in life. Yet, my masters in the order feel that you could one day outshine even my brilliance! I see you as naught but a Phaethon, and in the end the world shall be the judge of the matter... not I.” I planned very much to so outshine him! Already I was his better. Sometime following my apprenticeship in the dark order, I was granted by Tiberius the rank of Quaestor. A boring title that merely meant I was an elected official who was expected to supervise the state treasury and conduct dull audits. It was as if the emperor sensed I had grander designs and saw fit to humble me before them. All he did, was frustrate me! I held that silly title until I eventually became emperor myself. Meanwhile, both my mother and my remaining brother Drusus died, still in exile and still imprisoned by the will of Tiberius. I was in the early twenties by the time Tiberius decided to arrange for a marriage between myself and a certain noble lady by the name of Junia Claudilla. A lady who was secretly a member of the Order of the Serpent. Tiberius felt that in the act of seeing to my marriage to Junia, he would be insuring that I would remain loyal to the same dark masters that he served. For if I faltered, if I wavered, she would see to it that they knew. The wedding ceremony was held at Antium, and Tiberius himself was in attendance. To refuse the marriage would have been an insult to the emperor and to the secret society he served. Death for me, on both counts! So I was agreeable to the match, and in the end she came to live with me at Capri while all around us there brew political intrigues of every sort. The year following our wedding night, Junia died in the throes of childbirth, our child... my first child... perishing along with her. After that, I tried to lose myself in the arms of a woman named Ennia Thrasylla. She too was a noblewoman, married to a prefect by the name of Quintus Naevius Cordus Sutorius Macro. A pompous name! I simply called him Macro, and came to regard him as a good friend. He would prove to be a useful ally as well, especially given my ambitions.
Macro was the one who had introduced me to his wife, and when she and I became lovers many had whispered that it was Macro who had seen to this, in order to court my favor. The lady, mutually, was of the thought that this arrangement would keep me well disposed towards her husband. Macro thus had a mind to speak fair of me to Tiberius, who often listened closely to all that the prefect had to say. Soon, the emperor trusted me above all others, and had a mind to name me his heir. Not sole heir mind you! For I was to share my position as heir to the empire with Tiberius' grandson, Tiberius Gemellus. I hated Gemellus, though not nearly as much as I hated Tiberius himself! I never let him realize how I actually felt, however, choosing to treat him with respect and to act kindly to him whenever so possible. One blissful Monday, the emperor breathed his last. Tiberius was finally no more! It was not a natural death, however. In the end, I had my revenge on the man after all. During his final moments, Tiberius was living in Misenum, and it was not many months before he was to turn seventy eight years of age. Too long a time, for such a tyrant! It was an auspicious place for the man to meet his end, for it was said that Misenum was named after Misenus, a companion of the great Trojan hero Hector, who would go on to become the trumpeter to the great Aeneas. Misenus was purported to have drowned near the place that would become named after him, after engaging in a trumpet competition with the sea god Triton. Tiberius also had drowned... not literally... but figuratively, in the waters of his own fell deeds. For he had made one enemy too many! He stopped breathing, they said. A natural death, at least at the first. I was at the villa there, being congratulated officially on my succession to the empire. For in the eyes of all, I was the most correct and logical choice to be the next emperor. Gemellus was not seen to be cut out for such a position, and did not have the peoples' favor as I did. But no sooner had I been so praised and honored, than a servant rushed forth to inform us that Tiberius had revived and regained his full faculties. For he had been quite insane at the end of his life, up until then! Everyone who gathered to honor me fled in haste, each man and woman fearful that the still-emperor would seek to do them no end of mischief for everyone believing him to be dead. Macro, seeking to prevent such an outcome, so ran into Tiberius bedchambers to confront him... and there, he smothered the man with his very own bedclothes. We had actually been poisoning Tiberius up until that point, who was refusing food near the end out of fear of being poisoned. Thus, he was going to die in any case, either through starvation or some other means. That starvation was helped along by my having intercepted the emperor's requests for food and telling the servants that he wished only for warmth instead. Macro had great difficulty in the act of the emperor's murder, and I could the struggle from outside the chambers. I ran in to see the emperor attempting to rise to his feet from the couch he was reclining upon previously. He fell down, being weak as he was, and then Macro and I were both upon him. I assisted, but Macro's strength saw to Tiberius' end. No one saw it as murder, for so hated was Tiberius that many upon learning he had perished could be seen in great mobs that filled the streets of Rome itself yelling: “To the Tiber with Tiberius!” for the bodies of criminals were often thrown into that river. He was cremated, however, if only to deny the angry mod its' justice. His ashes were then quietly laid to rest in the Mausoleum of the noble Augustus. Perhaps a better resting place than Tiberius deserved, for the cruel deeds he had done!
In this will, the emperor had left all of his power an authority jointly to myself and Gemellus, as I had expected. But since the people wished to see me alone become the new emperor, it was suggested to me that for my first act upon becoming named Princeps I could always void Tiberius' will entirely. I wasted no time in so doing... and thus the will of Tiberius was defied, even with his death. Macro backed me in this act of law, and still further... Gemellus was declared to be insane, for with Tiberius' death the man had taken leave of all his senses and begun to behave much had the former emperor himself had. There was now nothing left to be done, and I was proclaimed emperor by the Roman Senate that very March. I accepted the powers of the Principate with dignity and gratitude, and all the people cheered my name.
I was such a young man at the time! And the crowds that hailed me called me their baby, their star, their glory, their liberator. I had been the first emperor who was admired by everyone in the whole of the empire, not just within Rome itself. But all the known world at the time, from the rising sun to the setting sun, from east to west and all within. It was not my noble blood or parentage that made them so elated, but the fact that I was not the tyrant Tiberius. Over a thousand animals were sacrificed during the three months in which the people rejoiced, and I made certain to tour all of the temples in Rome in order to show the people that even the gods themselves approved of me. “Be mindful! Thou art only a mortal.” said one of the servants who toured the temples with me. I needed no reminder of that fact, for I saw in Tiberius the fate of all mortals in the end. It was only a question of the legacy one leaves prior to their passing, and I wished for mine to be grand and glorious when my own end came. People said that my early reign as emperor was blissful and a golden age for the empire as a whole. I was generous, yet smart enough to know that I was buying peoples' favor. I rewarded the military greatly, especially the elite soldiers of the Praetorian Guard, and both the troops stations in Rome and those abroad were likewise compensated for the years they had suffered under Tiberius. I made a grand spectacle in public of tearing apart Tiberius' treason papers that contained the lists of all those he has suspected of treason against him. I ended the treason trials that he had enacted, and which were continuing right up until the man's death, and gave a great speech declaring that they were now a thing of the past. Any who were in exile still, I recalled from that horrid fate, and any yet imprisoned by the former emperor I had set free. I gave money to those who could not afford to pay their taxes, had convicted rapists and all manner of sexual predators banished from Rome, and had various celebrations, parades, and other spectacles in every variety of pageantry, put on for the public's enjoyment. Even gladiatorial games, though I was far less fond of them than I was of chariot races. At the last, I led a large force consisting of various nobles and soldiers to the terrible place where my mother had died. We collected her remains with honor and bore them to the tomb of Augustus, where they were so interred with all great and befitting ceremony. That was how my reign began, innocently enough. That was, however... not the way it would continue!
It was October in the year 37 A.D. Since childhood, I had always had a terrible fear of thunderstorms. To this day, in this current life, I find them difficult to bear! But on that year, upon a certain fateful day in that very month... I was in a particularly dark state of mind made worse by having previously that day heard a poet reciting a poem that he had wrote called “Spirits on the Wind” which was a peculiar poem about demons being carried up from the underworld by means of a great storm with howling winds and bright forks of lightning. It was that sort of a storm, that night! None of the stars were to be seen, and I was suffering from horrific night terrors, which happened to me a lot back then, as now. I was foolish, and I ran outside, half in my sleep, only to end up soaked to the bone from the rain. I became very ill a bit after that, though my personal physician believed I had also been poisoned somehow. It appeared that my tonsils had swollen so much, that it was becoming difficult for me to either swallow or breathe. One black night, I had stopped breathing altogether... not for too long a time mind you, but only briefly. My favorite of all my sisters, Julia Drusilla, kept me company all through every moment of my illness, and she was at my side when I seemed to die. She screamed, I was told, and called my name multiple times. I was undergoing a terrible near death experience in which I descended first into the underworld, and then into Hell itself. I saw sights that are not for any mortal eyes, and I beheld things that are not fit for any sound mind to bear. I heard the whispers of the devils, and was informed by some of them that I myself was not mortal after all. That my spirit was of the fallen, the infernal. Of the dark powers of Hell itself! Tartaros, we had called that place. It was familiar to me, while also strange! I cannot say what all I experienced there. Only that when my breath and life returned to me, it had changed me! I had a very similar illness, in this current life, and a similar near death experience... with much the same meaning.
Drusilla was delighted to see me alive again, and I recovered within that week from the affliction that had affected my tonsils. My personal physician said it was a miracle sent by the gods! But I saw with a kind of new sight now, for my third eye, the eye of the spirit through which one may see the other side, that invisible eye that one's mortal physical eyes cannot behold, but through which one might behold much that is hidden... that same was more open than it had been in all the days of my life previously. It would never close, and so I would have to simply learn to deal with being able to actively see demons, angels, gods, goddesses, and spirits of every sort. When the ashes of my mother, following the burning of her remains, were placed within the tomb of our ancestors... I swear I could see her spirit standing at my side. I could feel her arm upon my shoulder. But now! Now, I could see so very much more. I had every intention of using my new sight in order to determine who my enemies might be, so that whoever it was that had poisoned me might be punished. I told Drusilla of all this, and she shuddered. To show her comfort, I kissed her upon her delicate lips and once I had fully recovered we made love... fiercely. “Is this proper, brother?” she asked, to which I replied: “We will make it proper, my love.” and so we did, much to the disgust of many who would come to see our incestuous behavior as quite scandalous. Yet, that was probably the very least shocking thing that I would do, during the months that followed.
Gemellus had been named my adopted son by law, though he was my cousin in fact. I met with him enough to know his traitorous heart, however, and so I thought it prudent to order his execution. And a most bloody and frightful death it was, that he was dealt! This outraged Antonia Minor greatly but I had no care for my grandmother's protestations regarding the matter. Protestations that extended to her, in the end, committing suicide. Some began to believe I had poisoned her, but if anyone had it was likely Macro who often did rather questionable acts, claiming to do such things in my name and for my own benefit. My father-in-law, from my marriage to Junia Claudilla... a rather odious man, named Marcus Junius Silanus... was the next to be executed. This time, in a more spectacular and public fashion! My reasoning for his death was that I was avenging my late wife's honor, since she had confided in me the fact that he had in the past beaten her, prior to her becoming my wife. Which led to her having a bit of a fixation on death, for as a child she always feared her father would kill her one day. I had no tolerance for such as would cause such fear in a child's heart! I remember saying upon the day of his execution: “Now on this day, my late wife may rest her spirit gently, knowing that one who hurt her is no more!”
On the tenth day of June, in the year 38, my beloved sister Drusilla had died from a fever that was at the time running rampant and mostly unchecked throughout the city of Rome. Since my wife's death, I had looked to her as my sole comfort, even above Ennia Thrasylla herself. In many ways, I came to see Drusilla as my own unofficial second wife, and was very public in my displays of affection towards her. I was never quite the same, following her passing. The following year caused me to realize I could no longer trust my two remaining sisters at all. Both of them, Agrippina and Livilla... along with the man who had been Drusilla's husband, Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, had been engaged in a plot to murder me. Worse still! At least one of the two women, if not both, had been having an adulterous affair with him. An act that dishonored the late Drusilla, whom I had by then come to regard as a highly as a goddess. The plot was known as the Plot of the Three Daggers... and, out of it, Lepidus planned to have himself named as the new emperor. I had all three of them arrested as soon as proof of the plot became known, and during the trial I denounced all three of them with equal anger. I was also able to produce the very source of this proof... letters written by both sisters, in their own hand, detailing everything. I ordered the two women exiled to a place befitting of their treachery, and saw to the execution of Lepidus at last. I sent three daggers to the Temple of Mars the Avenger to celebrate the man's death, and the Senate had passed a motion agreeing that Lepidus' remains should be cast away, for the wild animals to gnaw on.
The year 38 saw a return to form for me in many ways, as I focused on trying to create a much better system both politically in the public sense, for all of Rome. I strove for more transparency by allowing the accounts of public funds to be made public knowledge through publication. Something Tiberus, in his time as emperor, had sought to cover up rather than make public. I aided many who were suffering due to having lost their homes or their property during fires, and even abolished certain taxes that I so found to be excessive in nature. I personally appeared at gymnastics events to give out prizes, as well as to admire the physical beauty of the contestants. New members were even allowed into positions within the equestrian and senatorial orders. Fair elections were once more instituted, which came to irritate the ones who thought to control elections in order to sway the government towards their own agendas. For such corrupt individuals had their own ideas about what was fair and what was not. I dispensed, after a time, with trails in cases where guilt was evident, and oversaw such executions personally. Many were disturbed by that, and by the incident that led to me having Macro arrested. You see... I was given the rather damning written evidence myself, which revealed that while I was suffering during the illness in which I had my near death experience... Macro had secretly allied himself with Gemellus, whom he had planned to use as a pawn to further his own political ambitions. Having believed him to have been loyal to me, this came as a shock and as a kind of ultimate betrayal. The arrest itself, was done carefully and with discretion. I had him promised a full governorship in Egypt, and once he arrived at Ostia... along with Ennia... to embark upon the voyage thereto, I had him arrested and stripped of his office entirely. Then, I sent orders for both Macro and Ennia to take their own lives and failing that to expect painful deaths at the hands of the soldiers. It had come to my attention that Macro had put Ennia up to merely pretending to love me, and so this was a double betrayal of me in which both were complicit. All of my fair and fond memories of Ennia perished with that knowledge! And so were they made to perish. It is said that Macro was quite defiant at the end... and that both he and his treacherous wife uttered many blasphemous curses against myself as the emperor. His final act of feigned generosity was leaving just enough money to provide his home town of Alba Fucens with an amphitheater. So pompous to the last!
Within the year 39, many thought that my generosity and alleged extravagance had exhausted the very treasuries of the state itself. In order to compensate, I was instructed by my advisors to seize the estates of various people found guilty of crimes against the empire. However, those I left in charge of this had it in their heads to abuse the situation by falsely accusing various wealthy individuals of this or that. A great many were fined, though most were killed prior to all they had being confiscated. Hoping to find a better way to raise money, I made a series of public announcements asking any who were able to lend the money to the state. I also decided to place taxes upon lawsuits, weddings, and prostitution since a lot of the people engaged in those activities, I reasoned, could well afford the financial loss. And since the gladiators in many of the games were slated to die anyway, I decided to raise money by auctioning off some of their lives. For instance, if someone wished to see a certain gladiator die, and still another live... I arranged this, for a price. Items once intended to have been left to Tiberius, I had seized and instead ordered that they be given to me. Centurions who had come by wealth or property through the act of plunder during times of war, I required the same to turn over their spoils to the state, to thus be divided lawfully or seized in order to make money. Any people in commissioner positions, especially the ones who oversaw the roads, if they were found to be either guilty of incompetence or any sort of embezzlement, then they were forced to repay that money. Some claim that I had squandered roughly 2.7 sesterces that previously Tiberius had amassed like a miser. I saw it as further revenge against him. Distressingly, a terrible famine resulted when the soldiers zealously decided to seize several carriages that were engaged in the importing of grain, to take the grain merchants' money from them. Various grain boats were also seized, and ended up repurposed for various construction projects a bit later on.
In thinking only of the money I spent, historians often neglect the good I did with much of it. I had ordered improvements to various harbors that were in need of such, which in turn allowed for greater numbers of grain imports to enter Rome by way of Egypt. Thus was the famine alleviated quite nicely! The great Temple of Augustus was completed, as was the Theater of Pompey. A mighty amphitheater was begun in a place beside the Saepta, and the Imperial Palace was expanded and decorated afresh. An act that had been neglected by Tiberius when he abandoned the palace and retreated to his little island. Aqueducts were raised... and a new racetrack was built. I even had a grand obelisk brought all the way from Egypt in order that it might stand in the middle of the city of Rome itself. In several other cities, I had walls repaired, along with repairs to various temples. New roads were created, and new laws put into place to ensure that they would be kept in serviceable condition. I had planned even more, but in the end the greater plans would perish with me when my time came to die! A palace at Samos was to be rebuilt more grandly, a certain temple of Apollo at Ephesus was to be finished, and a city was planned to be settled at an ideal location high in the Alps. I even had a trusty chief centurion sent to the Isthmus of Corinth in Greece, in order to see if it might be possible to dig a canal through it. I had an eye for art!
A rather foolish soothsayer by the name of Thrasyllus of Mendes, who had served Tiberius, had said of me that I had no more a chance of becoming emperor than of riding a horse across the Bay of Baiae. Now Baiae was a bit of a pleasant resort community of sorts, and it lay across a great bay from the port of Puteoli. A good two miles or so of water thus stretched between. I myself, in that life, could not at all swim, and had to keep my ears above water in any case because I was prone to getting ear infections of a sort that, if too much water got into my ears, I could have serious problems. I may be able to swim in this current life, but my ears have the same issue even today. A holdover from back then. In order to at last get the final laugh over Thrasyllus, I ordered a temporary floating pontoon bridge to be constructed, and yes that is where those grain boats I mentioned earlier come into play. The ships were made all into makeshift pontoons, and the bridge that ran across them spanned the two miles from Baiae to Puteoli. I had my favorite of all my horses, the noble Incitatus, brought to the place where I planned to make my grand crossing. And from out of the darkest under-chambers and crypts that so lay beneath the Imperial Palace, I had personally retrieved from a certain treasure vault the very same breastplate that once had been worn by the legendary Alexander the Great. It still shone and sparkled in the sunlight, and I had chosen the perfect day for this display! Once Incitatus arrived, I mounted my steed and rode across the bridge I had overseen the creation of, crossing the Bay of Biae in the very manner that it was said I had no chance of ever doing. People gathered to cheer me on, and there was a grand celebration and a feast once this deed was accomplished. I would soon prove that there was nothing beyond me to accomplish! I was commended for my ingenuity, and Incitatus was praised for his bravery. It had been a good day.
Out of my entire navy, the two largest of all my ships were considered marvels of the ancient world. The larger of the two was a veritable palace complete with marble floors, tiles, and working plumbing. Whilst the smaller vessel was designed to be a floating temple dedicated to my patron goddess Diana, whom I also regarded as my spiritual sister under her name Diana Lucifera. Upon hearing of this, the early Christians of that era took it to be a sign that I was Lucifer, one of their names for the Devil. The Beast, some of them took to calling me, saying I was the opposite of all that Jesus Christ had been. If only they realized how right they were! But even I was only just beginning to realize the extent of all that I truly was. My human form was but a mask, a raiment I wore. Beneath it lay so much more than anyone could have possibly imagined, save in dreams or nightmares alone! The Senate was beginning to despise me by then, and my relations with it began to deteriorate like a corpse left in the streets for too long. The Senate being the corpse, only one that was too foolish to realize that it was in fact dead.
I saw them as adhering too much to the past, and lacking any true artistic vision regarding the future. They saw me as a hedonist, a renegade, a libertine and someone far too individualistic to be controlled like a puppet. Similar to my namesake, the great Julius Caesar, I intended to shake all of Rome to its' very core, to put an end to the stifling and stagnant order that had produced fools such as Tiberius. I was an artist, after all, and a poet. And back then, all of the known world was my canvas! Now was the time to paint my vision for all to see. Thus began the feud between myself and the Senate. For the kind of constructive chaos I sought to bring, was the very antithesis of the order they were sworn to uphold. An order that had already failed long before I was even born! The Senate was accustomed to ruling of its' own accord ever since Tiberius had departed for Capri and left the members of the Senate to their own devices. They did not like it that I intended to take a firmer hand than my predecessor had... for it undermined their sense of power and authority. As well as their greed! Looking for anything I could use against the Senate, I searched through old records including documents from Tiberius' treason trials. At last, I found the proof I was looking for! Certain of the members of the Senate were corrupt indeed, and could no longer be considered worthy of the public's trust. I ordered them all investigated, the men as well as their wives and relatives. Trials were conducted, and the consul had to be replaced due to his uncertain loyalties. Several senators were found guilty of plotting direct treason against me, and so they were put to death in front of their loved ones. Those of them who had any loved ones, that is. Others of the senators who were found guilty were made into my servants and forced to wait upon me hand and foot. Their wives washed my feet with their hair... and their daughters became my harlots, in order to spare their parents' lives. Some of the old men were made to run beside my chariot as I passed along the main roads through the city of Rome, in full view of all. It was while all of that was going on, that the events surrounding the Plot of the Three Daggers unfolded precisely as I detailed earlier. This was the backdrop for that dramatic event, and for others soon to unfold! As I left Rome and proceeded upon my way to Moguntiacum, the capital of Gemania Superior, accompanied by my sisters and by Lepidus, all three of them to be delivered to their fates for having acted against me... it came to my full attention, as we reached that capital, that the governor of Germania was actually plotting to assassinate me. Among various other acts of treason he was guilty of. Once we got there officially, he was one of many to be executed for his crimes. His popularity with his soldiers caused them to frown upon this greatly, but it was a necessary evil for the greater good of the empire. Lepidus, in the end, was executed by a loyal tribune as I looked on. Whilst my sisters Agrippina and Livilla were exiled to the Pontine Islands. Just prior to her exile, Agrippina was given the bones of the traitorous Lepidus in a large urn, and was told to carry them all the way back to Rome. Though the Senate had grown to hate me, the way I handled that whole affair was approved of by them... quite zealously. They were ever fans, of creative cruelties.
Throughout the times in which I was forced to deal with riots, conspiracies, and plots during the more easterly territories and lands of the empire, one of my greatest allies was a man named Herod Agrippa, who was greatly famed when he became the governor of Batanaea and Trachonitis not long after I had become emperor in the year 37. I never fully grasped the situation in the east! Whether it involved the spread of Greek culture, Roman law, or the rights of the Jewish people... it was never made quite plain to me. All I did know is that I never quite was able to trust the prefect of Egypt, Aulus Avilius Flaccus, mostly due to how staunchly loyal he had been to Tiberius, and how he had his own part to play in the conspiracies against my mother. To add insult to injury, he had deep connections to several separatist groups within Egypt itself, and this made the situation volatile there. I once sent Agrippa to the city of Alexandria in order to check up on the prefect unannounced, and so possibly discover the depths of the man's capacity for treachery. There was some contention regarding how the Greek people saw Agrippa, in relation to the Jewish people. As a result, riots, chaos, and disorder broke out all across the city itself.
This situation forced me to remove the prefect Flaccus from his position, and ordering his execution as reports were delivered unto me mentioning how extensively he had overreached himself with more treasonous ambitions. But Agrippa had problems of his own to deal with! His uncle Herod Antipas, the infamous Tetrarch of Galilee and Perea, a man known for having a taste for decadence to rival even my own, was discovered to be planning a full-scale rebellion against Rome with the help of the rival nation of Parthia. Naturally, Herod Antipas confessed to everything... he had little choice in that matter after all... and thus was he forced into exile. A fate perhaps preferable to him than death, but less dignified. As a reward for Agrippa's loyalty, I allowed him to take possession of all Antipas' lands and holdings. The year 39 had not been an easy one, to be sure, but in comparison the following year saw far darker times unfold when the animosity between the Greek and Jewish peoples reached a boiling point. For the Greeks accused the Jews of not honoring me as emperor, and disputes ran rampant over cities, towns, and territories. Altars dedicated to the gods seemed to anger the Jews greatly, and soon riots of far more violent sorts than had ever been seen before broke out... especially within Alexandria itself. I conferred with the Order of the Serpent, as well as with my most trusted advisors, who all said that I needed to send a message that would cement my place as the absolute authority in the east leaving no place for rebellious actions. That was when I commanded a great statue of myself be created and, as per the exact orders I was given by the Order of the Serpent, I had it raised in the great temple that was the very heart of the Jewish faith, in Jerusalem itself. The Christians took to calling that statue “The Abomination of Desolation”, and saw this as their final proof that I was indeed “The Beast” that they feared so greatly. This, to them, was evidence that the end of the current world order was at hand. That Rome was on the downward spiral to at last falling as a world power. I wish I could say that they were wrong, but in the end their prophecies regarding Rome's fate would prove to be correct. Jews and Christians alike rose up in even greater acts of rebellion and anger than before! Rather than bringing order, the statue I had been told to raise, and the compulsory worship of myself as emperor that came with it, drove the equivalent of hot nails into the coffin of peace in that region, ensuring that only chaos remained. I felt disgusted, angry, and embittered towards my advisors, and towards the dark order that I had felt long restricted me even as they tried to manipulate and control me. I began to consider ways in which they could be dealt with at long last. As it was, Publius Petronius, the governor of Syria at the time, was loathe to carry out the orders to raise that statue of me, in that place... of all places. He put it off for nearly the whole of the year, before Agrippa finally managed to talk him into going through with it. At first, neither man took the whole matter seriously and did not believe the temple in Jerusalem was going to be where the object was actually going to be placed after all. Only once my second order to do so was issued, did either man take it seriously and realize that this was indeed not a jest. In Rome itself, plans were under way to thus erect an even more colossal statue of myself, this one fashioned wholly of gilt brass... also for the very purpose of laying down the law in regard to who was actually in power. That statue would never, in the end, arrive within my lifetime. Who was in power, though? I felt like a prisoner, trapped well between the Senate that grew to hate me more and more, and the Order of the Serpent who wished to use me as a puppet for them to remain the true power behind the Imperial Throne. I knew myself to be divine, yet I was held back still by these mortal fools who were making of me an object of hate rather than love. In my heart, I sought to be loved above all others, and yet... all around me there was hatred, madness, and death. Along with the impending decline of the empire itself, at the hands of those who should have in fact known better. I was never going to live past my twenty eighth year of life, and I began to wonder if my death also was planned by these schemers he sought to hold me by a leash like a dog. My frustration began to mount increasingly, and by the year 40... I planned to act, to take matters into my own hands. My advisors could only advise... I did not have to listen to them any longer. The Senate, I could in time deal with reasonably, but the fell Order of the Serpent needed to go! Or at the least, be brought to heel.
Published 29th Jun 2022
Author's Note
This two-part work is based upon some of my past-life memories.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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12th Jul 2022 10:44pm
I love these glimpses into your past lives and previous incarnations, my Kara! To me reading them is like gazing into your soul and learning what your eyes have seen down through the many centuries. This was a fascinating one to read, to be sure, too. I must admit that I never studied a whole lot of ancient Roman history, although I watched many movies that took place in old Roman days. I always felt like I must have lived back then too, there was always a connection to that era for me... though unlike you, I do not have such specific memories from then. But I had a bit of amazement when reading this! You tell of historical things here, with very accurate dates which is great (I looked some of them up just out of curiosity), and I like how you mention things that history does not talk about, but which you remember. It draws me into your remembering here and makes me see everything vivid! I have heard of Caligula... mostly from seeing the infamous movie by that same name... and I have to say you bring so much rationale to the madness they say you had in that life. It makes it able to understand why you did the things you did, even the craziest of things (crazy by the judging of common people who do not understand a true artist like you). The incest did not shock me at all, it was common enough in ancient times especially Egypt and other countries. Actually, that movie did not shock me either, though people tell me it should have! But I like the strange and the surreal. And so, I love this work, just as I love you! If I was living at that time back then, when you were Caligula, I surely was one of your lovers and adorers for a certainty. Some things never change! Thank you for this glimpse, and for giving us your side of these events. Like with your works about your life as Dracula, it opens the eyes a lot!
13th Jul 2022 5:16am
Hello there, beautiful Cami, my dearest loving heart! I am pleased you enjoyed coming along with me on this journey back in time to my life in ancient Rome. I too saw that movie many years ago and kept pointing out all its' inaccuracies to the person I watched it with. Lol! But I tend to do that a lot when I am watching a movie that is attempting to portray one of my past lives. If it gets things right, I am delighted, but when it gets a lot of things wrong it will always be noticeable to me. In this case, it was very, very noticeable! It was an interesting movie regardless though, as far as being a surreal fever dream of a film goes! But like you, I do have a certain fondness for all things strange, surreal, and unusual. Movies included. I like to think that in every life (including the present) there is a method to all my madness, even if not everyone might understand it. All the same, there is a kind of logic firmly in place! You are correct about how prevalent incest was in ancient times... love sometimes cares not for boundaries, and blooms most oft wherever it will, in all kinds and manners of forms and varieties. The more passionate the love, the more intense those varieties can be! I am certain I knew you back during my life as Caligula, although I honestly had so many lovers, paramours, and devotees that it could be literally impossible to determine which of them all you may have been. Though surely, I was intensely fond of you! As you wisely noted, some things never change. I am glad you enjoyed the glimpse this work offered you of this previous life of mine! Your comment was thoughtful, smart, and filled with excellent observations. Many kisses for you, my beloved! :D
25th Jul 2022 3:53am
I did indeed enjoy this work, my love! As always, your writings reveal aspects of your being that show me more and more of the jewel that you are, with each life you have lived down through the ages being in each one a single facet of that jewel... with all the facets making up the sum of who and what you are. That being, someone I admire, adore, and am deeply in love with beyond all others in existence! A sea of kisses would be too little, and so I offer you a universe of them.
