Lonely

“Lonely”

I want to be nothing…nothing at all
To pace the walls of the nightfall
To be something less than a memory—
Nothing to cry about in harmony
With the choir of funerary cries—
I want to be more like the tears in my eyes:
Fleeting, and not so lonely
Like they’re falling only
For the things I could change someday
And I wish I could find a way
To say goodbye before I go—
There’s only one thing I want to know:
Did you ever say it to yourself?
The words you gave to someone else?
Did you whisper in your sleep
The promises I prayed you’d keep?
Did you—did you ever set it free—
The notion you might love me?

And I want you to know
I wish I could be nothing…nothing.
But before I go
I wish I could save something
Inside me that belongs to you
That feels something between us two.
You never seemed to feel me right.
I told you I’d hold you
If you were lonely tonight.
I can cry myself to sleep
If I want to
Because that way I can keep
My heart inside you.

I want to be nothing…nothing whatsoever,
For nothing is forever.
Eternity is a broad sea
That never ever cries.
I lose the tears in my eyes
When I drown in what might have been.
And I’m ready to dive again.

I wish I could be nothing…for I am nothing to you.
Now I’m begging, “What am I supposed to do?”
I wish you could make it all go away
But you never seem to stay.
You’re gone now, yet always here
In my every lonely, lonely tear.
If I could be nothing…I’d never feel a thing
If I could be nothing…perhaps I’d be strong enough
To hold my breath and sing
A song that would make you feel my love.

© 2022 Marten Hoyle