Thistles

Hi there, AJ ;)
That first line cast out, hooked me instantly and immediately held me breathless, in lush abandon. Trembling beautifully of each and every shiver that ran through me, are the welcomed hammering affects of each line read thereafter. It's like I've been unknowingly holding my breath longing for a poem to elicit a specific moment or emotional impact and low and behold, here it was, miraculously being delivered... and then some.

I'm still whole body vibrating at that last line.

Just. wow.

There was nothing average about the scope of passion, lust and a gazillion more sensual superlatives that made their way to the surface.... nothing average... but completely exceptional.

Thank you for being here and sharing yourself with us.... To me, it's priceless.
🌹 - 💙
B

Lol, I'm better with feelings than poetry but I'm glad you still drop by to share a smile with me BB

Thank you 🌼🙃

To my eyes and ears, there are a few little things that could make this stronger, a bit more bold in the desire you're trying to capture. Your entire second line is past tense:

Touched, rubbed, groped, hair bound tight fisted --- Want, desire is insistent, present, so I suggest this:

Touch, rub, grope, hair bound tight-fisted

-----

Like the heat of a southern summer sun unleashed   ---  I think you're going for a nice metaphor here, but "like the" weakens this into a simile, whereas metaphor embodies the thing, so

heat of a southern summer sun unleashed  -- gets you right into the imagery, the feeling.  You could keep "the" and it's still works as metaphor, but starting this line at "heat" would better add the heat you're after

-----

Beneath my ravening, your eyes gleaming feral --- this is another spot where you can bring it more immediate by using "gleam"

-----

I'm selfish like that at my darkest  --- it might be worth considering if you need this line. You've indicated with the line above that this is a selfish desire, and I think you can trust your reader to understand that without stating it directly.  

Of the line above--To my wants. My needs. And the use I make of you---I don't think you need the "And." You can allow that phrase to continue the more immediate effect of "My needs." vs softening it with "And"

In the same vein, you could drop the "and" from this line as well:  Raw, most alive, and on fire for you

----

And last thing, I promise, is the last line: Because, some days, your darkness needs to be kissed --- I don't think "because" needs stating, and you could just start it with "some days"  OR it could just be "your darkness needs to be kissed"


Thank you for posting this, and I hope that my suggestions are food for thought, even if you find they don't work for you in your piece. :-)

Lol, so, did you like this part or run out of energy?

I want to kiss you in a world be damned embrace
Kiss you, gasping deep; body thrown and twisted
Hungering, tasting the wild in you, insistent
Moon deep in the full darkness of your desires
Eclipsed by mine, coexistent, yet receding, distant

🌼😉😁😂😂

I didn't dislike any of it. Wouldn't have spent the time if I did. You selected honest critique. I saw some things that I thought would give your piece more of the want/passion you're writing about. If you find that kind of response unwelcome, perhaps the friendly feedback option is the better choice for you.

I did select honest criticism and you gave it to me. I don't have any problem with that. I was just curious if there was anything you liked about.😉

Carry on 🌼

<<your darkness needs to be kissed>>

it so does!

😘🌼

Dear AJ,

Dang! All you had to do was call for heaven sake. 😉
There is nothing more beautiful than admitting romantic desires. Your expression, as such, can leave a gal breathless. You’ve written this with class and elegance. H🌷

I kept getting a busy signal! You need to cull that herd of guys following you so a fella can get a call in every blue.moon or so! 😉😁🌼

That’s why I got you your own phone line! If you’d only remember it.😏😘

I'm still looking for my tv remote 🙄😂😂

Wow, I love it when you unleash your carnal passion AJ. This definitely grabbed me in a world be damned embrace and held me there by the hair while you had your way with me fully immersed in the full darkness of my desires, and yours. What an incredible eclipse you have shared and I want to see this eclipse more often. I think we would make use of each other, a lot. :p Longing to share that darkness always, creatures of the night... You absolutely kissed my darkness and left me wanting more... so mean.

And all this time I thought only the mafia made offers a person couldn't refuse. You've got my attention. Whatcha gonna do with it?