daddy

 
my dad was a crop dusting pilot
no pretenses there he was a good ole boy
he was a proud man and a shit kicker
cowboy boots and all

a real womanizer
he loved the ladies
he had a love of guns too
but his soft spot was reserved for his different little girl

I liked to read and had a high intellect
but I was odd
down deep I think my dad knew
I would never fit

he drew hard lines for me
and I never crossed them
until I did
what did my dad know he thought in simple terms
black and white

I was worldly I wanted culture and class
I thought the way he saw things was crass
I love him but we clash
one day I step out of his perimeter
just as he expected the wolves circle
but I was of an age he couldn't protect me with his fists anymore

bitter words were spat and we went our separate way
my dad went gray overnight knowing I was pregnant at fifteen
with a high IQ but no street smarts
my tough as nails dad wept
it crushed my spirit

he asked how I would support the child
I cringe as I say on the dole
it looked like I sucker punched him
he didn't believe in that
he fought so many wars for his little girl
but this one was bigger than him

daddy's girl out there on her own
struggling, missing my potential
breaking the man's heart
he got a stomach ulcer that bled
and became cancerous
I killed the man

I broke him in more pieces
than he could hold onto anymore
I love you dad
the original hard man
who taught me more about class
and clout than anyone ever did
his word was his bond

daddy I miss you
rooted in truth, bound by honor