Drowning Darkness, But, Now I Understand

loss curls in her stomach
a mass of raped hymen
and hatred
puking vitriol rammed down her throat
by her mother's slew of lovers
innocence plucked
discarded like diseased fruit
crushed beneath the heel of a man
at 8
 
soul squeezed
into a jar and buried
amidst the crumbling wreck
cracked
torn asunder
 
ripped shreds and vestiges of self
so far gone, changed her name
leaving parts
like severed limbs
trailing behind
 
she sits
staring into flaking shards of shattered dreams that flutter  
like dead autumn leaves
 
trying for closure
trying to heal
 
from the time
his mouth ran
like two slugs with spider's legs
 
whispers mumbled on carrion breath
"shhhh don't tell"
"it's our secret"
 
threats ground out through clenched teeth
 
"I'll get your sister next"
 
"they'll come and take you away"
 
raging silence sticks in her throat
as loud as dust scrabbling in the sun
a mute comedy
a mime on barbwire puppet strings
 
 
I would wake her some mornings
the stench of alcohol
ragged on poison-soaked breath
vomit still in her hair  
she would whisper
last nights bender staring from blank-eyes
 
"It'll be alright
son
Mommy is going to make it all
all'ight"
 
"go play
Mummy needs to sleep"
 
and now.....
now I understand