plastic wrap

 
I used to behave like a slut
sexy to men on the outside
but none of them ever moved me on the inside

I talked with my cunt
I was cold to touch
my looks were everything
I was vain

if anyone caught feelings for me
I saw them as weak
it's ugly to say but even uglier to feel
some days I'm not sure that was really me
I look back and wonder what counterfeit soul that was
maybe it wasn't a soul at all
just an empty, hollow doll walking around confusing men

I would fuck them
they could fuck but not touch
I was in it for the pain
their pain, I ate it

that woman died sometime in the year 2000
when my fake Christianity credentials were pulled by the real God
he hit me hard
first he didn't like my vanity
second my cult status

I heard his real voice for the first time since childhood
I heard him again
he didn't like the plastic personality I put on to fit in
he ripped it from me
and opened my eyes to the truth
they say God is gentle and he is
except when he isn't

he expects me to connect with humanity on a real level
he expects I understand him
to be a companion for him
he says I can find his truth in all writings
it is for me to listen to his instruction
to weed out the man made fiction

so I listen and I learn
what it is that makes a man hard
what it is that makes God hard