Canary Row - part 5
I was leaning against the fence post and smoking rolled cabbage. Singing. "Don't set unner th' apple tree wif ennyone else but me ennyone else but me, ennyone else but me..." Lugosi was cleaning his toenails and applying lipstick. He was incognito.
"This hyar ain't Cognito. Its Tidbit. Arkansas. Yer as sharp as a bowlin' ball an' fo' fineness sakes remove them silly ass dentures. Ack refined an' suave like ah trained yo'.
"Vampire Chicken: (n) Marked by th' need t'ingist po'n an' avoid sunlight. 2. Prey on others fo' choomp change an' gain. 3. Trimenjus pain in th' ass."
"Jawja, Jawja. Th' whole day through. Jest an old, sweet song. Keeps Jawja on mah mind...Yo' ain't light in yer loafers is yo', o' a transjunder possum? Yo' hafta admit it's not ev'ry day thet yo' helter-skelter acrost a vampire chicken warin' a garter belt an' mesh stockin'. Pinky promise thet yer not funny?"
Emmylou Harris and her electric accordion, dobro band, were going to have a hoedown in front of the town's only walk-through critter wash.
Billy Bob Swaggart opened with a prayer. "I do not plan in any way to whitewash my sin. I do not call it a mistake, mendacity." He was warming up the crowd. Mares chow down on oats; duz chow down on oats; little lambs chow down on ivy; kids chow down on ivy too."
I was feeling it and my compunction made me reach for a Dr. Pepper. I felt as if I were sinning in my adult depends. I started speaking in a tongue. Wallowing on the ground, avoiding the horse apples. Drooling. Screaming. "Olyay acdonaldmay adhay ayay armfay, ee iyay eeyay iyay ohyay ! And onyay atthay armfay ehay adhay omesay ickenschay, ee iyay eeyay iyay ohyay! "
* "Old MacDonald had a farm, ee i ee i oh! And on that farm he had some chickens, ee i ee i oh!