you can't have it both ways

I'll never understand
how you can go back
to a man that beats you
that hit you while holding
your newborn child

We only met
because you ran
to save yourself from him
and yet when everything
got too hard you ran back
to that familiar pain

I want to believe
you don't really love him
and that your inner addict
is addicted to the highs and lows
that make your life feel more exciting
than it would be without
that beautiful misery
you say you want to escape
but aren't ready to let go of

And I love you
but I can't watch you
fuck up your life
between the bottom of a bottle
a crack pipe
and a man who would destroy
everything beautiful
you've worked so hard for

While child protective services
hover around you
and you feed them lies
that won't serve you in the end
when they take your kids
all because you want a man
who wants to own you
but doesn't know how to love you
and tries to kill your spirit
with every blow

© Indie Adams 2022