He

 
I am guilty often time of being very selfish
so much so I question the spirit I hear

what vampire nursery did you steal me from?

I have a greed in me so deep it seems it can never be filled,
a need to be understood by humanity and to fit in
I have hung out with people I didn't like, mean people
just to be popular, being the great pretender and yes person
and in the end fooling no one but myself

I have never fit

not in any type of group
I took my first steps and no human saw
my mother was schizophrenic
and left me to fend for myself at an early age
I was too young to know religion
but a spirit was there with me
guiding me, protecting me, teaching me

when I went to live with my father
he noticed his child was an odd duck
he did his best to protect me from the world
when I was little I didn't notice I had no friends
I didn't group with the other children

I didn't talk to them

I talked to the spirit who would bring the wind
so I could fly my jacket across the playground
I would quietly observe lady bugs and trees
while he told me about them

I was happy

later a teacher advised my father and stepmom I wasn't interacting
I got in trouble for having no friends
I loved my dad
I wanted to please him
so a socially awkward little girl with a high IQ
became an actor
losing myself in pieces along the way

I even stopped hearing his voice...my spirit guide's
I was very sad and alone in a sea of faces
who only allowed me to be around to be their whipping post
and I took it to be liked

then one day I joined the cult of Christianity
and became even more of an actor
babbling nonsense
I could hear the spirit telling me not to
but I did

I wanted to fit

I didn't want to go to hell because their angry God hated me

finally the spirt who love me most
had enough and put his hands on me one day
shaking me to my core and revealing to me who he really was
I knew his voice from childhood
I knew his spirit in my soul
what he told me was something I couldn't understand
he is different then religion teaches

I love him

I am not alone

I hurt him one day saying I wanted the humans to like me
like his company wasn't enough
like he wasn't human enough
he love me no matter what,

unconditionally

I now seek to understand him at the level he has revealed himself
not limit who he is or judge what I don't get
I am different, I am set apart
I will put no human above him

I am an actor no more