Insomnia

Today is day three, of restless, sleepless nights


I’ve called out of work, can’t focus, called out twice


I’ve taken my pills, but they don’t help me sleep


I’m tossing in bed, now I’m starting to weep


I’m crying and shaking, I sit down outside


Can’t control my emotions, I’m empty inside


I feel like I’m lonely, feel sad and depressed


No sleep isn’t helping, it’s all ’cause of stress


But there’s nothing in life, that’s bothering me


I don’t care about me, hold my breath, count to three


I don’t care that you left, you are better off now


Episodes were too much, so I gave you your out


I do not resent you, I get why you left


You figured it out, all the lies that I kept


I gave up my writing, my hobbies, my chores


I gave up on showers, and all we lived for


I would not leave the house, we’d just order take-out


I pushed you away, when you tried to make out


With time and the meds, I became just a shell


A body, no soul, and I put you through hell


So here I’m alone, with no reason to breathe


I’m trying so hard, but I’m what made you leave


I turn to the left,  and you lie by my side


I sit up, wipe away all the tears that I cried


Your lips, they are moving, I don’t hear you speak


I start hearing voices, from the lack of sleep


I’m worthless, I’m useless, all things that I’m not


I didn’t deserve you, or all that I’ve got


I run to the bathroom and vomit and crawl


I ask them to stop, then shout as I fall


I cower myself in the corner. then wait


Relentless, they keep on, I sit and relate


As hours they pass, I give up and agree


I’m riddled by fear. , of where they’re taking me


I’m standing there, staring at the alcohol


They urge me some more, I have no will at all


The tears they come back, as I fill up the cup


Shouldn’t mix this with meds, but I don’t give a fuck


I take a deep breath, then I exhale out


They’ll leave if I sleep,  and of this I’ve no doubt


I jump in the shower, a sloppy, drunken mess


The tears, they blend in, I sit, cradle my chest


I lie in bed naked, pray my soul to keep


Then beg God to take me, beg him for sleep