A Sunny Moment in my Somewhat Dark BDSM Journey

i met him on one of those websites
my friends-or family- didn't know i was on  
a lot of creepy men there  
with names beginning with 'Lord'  
or 'Master'  
how many of them lived in their mom's basements?  
probably not a lot  
likely more than one or two  
  
some of them  loved the cover of BDSM  
now i get to be an angry selfish jerk    
and women will think it's hot!  
so Lord Timmy    
(or whomever) wrote things like  
"you will heed my every command or feel the lash of my whip"  
or  
"you will be kept naked in a cage and only taken out for hard use"  
gawd  
call the police on that last one  
seriously  
   
that had nothing to do with what i was looking for  
   
oh, you're thinking  
you just like to spice it up!  
you're one of those women  
who read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy  
and couldn't wait for the movie  
right?  
   
Um, no  
not exactly    
though i skimmed all three books  
and (mumbling) i did see the movie with a friend...  
   
i wanted a relationship  
with more thrills than most  
one that could not only accomodate  
but celebrate    
my unique wiring (i wasn't kinky, i was sexually gifted)  
i also wanted a realtionship with more freedom than most  
What kind of slave wants freedom?  
none  
   
but i wasn't a slave    
   
we'll get to that later  
let's do the good part first  
   
Justin was classically handsome  
tall and broad shouldered  
his pirate troupe  
pirate troupe! pirate! Yay!  
 performed at Renaissance faires  
several of his website pictures    
were of him in costume  
in character  
i was obsessed  
   
did i have a chance with him?  
   
i couldn't not know  
   
i carefully composed a message  
attached a picture of myself walking my beagle  
(if he wanted crotch shots he would have to look elsewhere)  
sent it off  
bargaining  
hoping  
gambling my soul  
   
Victory  
   
an answer in the morning  
normal pleasantries at first  
but at the end:  
"there's one way to know if we would be compatible"  
   
yeah? yeah?  
   
"I know everything i need to know the first time i kiss a woman"  
   
and then this:    
   
"Are you a good kisser?"  
   
If you told me  
i was going to be in a competition    
all i'd have to do to win  
 is give correct answers  
to multiplication facts  
with digits under ten  
i'd probably find a way to be nervous about it  
   
of course i know my multiplication facts  
of course i was a good kisser  
how many times had i been told that?  
but still...  
   
so much was at stake  
i couldn't turn back  
   
we met a few days later  
a weekday  
at the marina  
it was uncrowded  
a beautiful Spring day  
   
boats everywhere  
mountains in the background  
talking about normal stuff  
good  
red flag if they launched into kink right away  
but an hour into our date  
i wondered if the kiss would be at the end  
or even if it would happen at all  
   
it happened soon after that  
   
I turned my head from looking at the water  
to looking at Justin  
his face had become intense  
almost scary  
he grabbed my ponytail hard  
and bent back my head  
(I know it doesn't happen that way in rom coms, but maybe it should)  
his sensuous mouth  
melted effortlessly into mine  
a strong ray of sunlight  
shone into my eyes  
lasering out every bad thing    
that had ever happened to me  
my world was warmth  
Justin  
arousal  
   
Bliss  
   
it was a long kiss  
with no reason to end  
several times i heard myself moan  
it was that good  
   
when we finally came up for breath  
i heard a reverant    
"Damn, girl!"  
   
he stared at me for a moment  
"if you're not one of the best kissers i've ever known  
you're...  
   
we kissed again  
   
he knew  
i knew  
   
it was good for a while
great at times   
but he turned out to be kind of a doofus  
unable to depart from BDSM fundamentalism  
too many comments like  
"What kind of slave wants personal freedom?"  
"Me", I answered  
"because I'm not a slave"  
or  
You're never going to get a collar from me if you act like that"  
i informed him i wasn't a dog  
and had no need for a collar  
"What kind of slave touches her master without asking?"  
he said another time, all pissy and pouty  
"I'm not a fucking slave! Why can't you get that through your head? Are you retarded??"  
aaaand    
as you might imagine  
   
it ended there  
   
but that's okay  
that kiss lives on  
sometimes I replay it twice a year  
sometimes once a week  
maybe it will flash before my eyes when i die  
 
i hope it does