deepundergroundpoetry.com
PULL THE SHADE AND DIE
i could feel it
and wondered
how i'd become
so ordinary
when all of what
i was
was yours
and wasn't that
enough?
and you said
no
and packed
while i watched
and i carried
your bag
to the car
and the night
was thick
as mud
and how I begged
it to swallow me
but goddamn
if the sun didn't rise
anyway
and wondered
how i'd become
so ordinary
when all of what
i was
was yours
and wasn't that
enough?
and you said
no
and packed
while i watched
and i carried
your bag
to the car
and the night
was thick
as mud
and how I begged
it to swallow me
but goddamn
if the sun didn't rise
anyway
Published 10th May 2022
Author's Note
The Heartbreak comp.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 2
comments 8
reads 309
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th May 2022 1:32pm
Well this just knocked the wind right out of me. Fuck. You said just enough... nothing wasted. So good, it hurts.
Good luck in the comp.
❤️k
Good luck in the comp.
❤️k
10th May 2022 2:18pm
Ah, the memories!
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, k. It did turn out to be a kind of minimalist effort.
As always, your comments are much appreciated.
J.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, k. It did turn out to be a kind of minimalist effort.
As always, your comments are much appreciated.
J.
13th May 2022 4:58pm
I really felt this one. your approach with the structure and choice of brevity over wordy feelings was effective, and created that breathless feeling the narrator would have felt. Much enjoyed, thanks for sharing
13th May 2022 7:29pm
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Jestalessa.
So happy the poem touched you.
Much appreciated.
J.
So happy the poem touched you.
Much appreciated.
J.
19th May 2022 11:12am
19th May 2022 3:32pm
23rd May 2022 5:36pm
Wow, such a strong expression of heartbreak and the imagery I get from the title alone is profound. When you give your all and someone wants to take everything you are, your entire being, but it is never enough it is very difficult. And moving on can be a shock regardless the circumstances and whoever decides it must end. It may take time for the sun to rise again and I hope the sun always shines for you javalini. Best of luck in the competition.
24th May 2022 12:49pm
Thank you, Kristina.
We are resilient creatures and so often need to be.
Much appreciated.
J.
We are resilient creatures and so often need to be.
Much appreciated.
J.
