deepundergroundpoetry.com

Imposter Syndrome

I just need to vent a minute,
Explain imposter syndrome I exhibit,
Afraid you'll see what I truly am,
An inexperienced, scared, li'l lamb.
I'm sorry to all the people I've hurt,
I've treated you like dirt,
I talked to you, then let you go
Without a word to let you know,
What I'm doing,
How we're doing,
How much I secretly still care,
That I miss you being there,
I've got a blockage to laying bare
My heart, my soul,
It's haunting me, taking it's toll.
I'm driving a freeway with no toll tag,
This is not my bag,
It's my thing,
But I don't like that it's my thing,
Like a lark, I want to sing,
But like a mineshaft canary, I sing,
Stuck in a cage,
Of not acting my age,
Wanting to fly free,
But only here, waiting to see,
If I die from the gas
That life will pass,
From chewing me up, and spitting me out,
With this card hand, it has dealt out.
I'm a pale, white bird, in a golden cage,
Full of self disappointment, self rage,
I must fly,
Or I will die.
I've been afraid to live,
Afraid of heartache massive,
Afraid to die,
Afraid to be free and fly,
What would I do with my freedom?
Just fall flat on my bottom!
I've hurt those I care about too,
By others seeing me afraid to start anew
With fun/interesting/worthwhile tasks,
In life's sun, everyone else basks.
I've told you that I care about you,
And yet I've only dragged you
Around and around, in circles,
Stabbed your heart like icicles,
Yanked your heart on a string,
Like you didn't mean a thing.
You're beautiful, sweet, and kind,
Intelligent, interesting, understanding, I find
Such joy when we do speak,
My knees it made weak.
How could I care so much,
Everytime I speak to you, blush,
Yet your heart, crush.
With everything I've said,
Every thought in my head,
I've tried my best to have grace and tact,
But I can no longer hide the fact,
That I treated you wrong,
Even if I said it kindly, and felt it strong,
The fact that I still care,
And miss you being there,
The fact that...dare I say it, I love you,
This is something true.
I've been a cold-hearted bitch,
On myself, I snitch,
"Snitches
Get stitches",
And so life may just leave me with them,
By breaking my heart, for what I've done to such a precious gem.
I implore you, please consider,
Please do not reward my bad behavior, bitter,
Please do not forgive me, I need to be punished,
Learn my lesson, not to hurt those cherished.
I get scared, think I can run, feel bad for a day,
Then block it all away,
As if it never happened,
But it did, and it saddened
Me, as I'm sure it did you,
I'm so sorry for doing this to you.
If I can take anything away from this,
You've helped me to learn this crisis,
You once said your toxic trait,
Is not realizing mental health issues until it's too late,
I've come to realize, I'm in the same boat,
And on that note,
This poem that I wrote
Is true in every sense,
But worded even better since
I got zooted on THC-0,
My work's not good, just thought you should know,
This may be a bit better,
But far from okay, just a grammatical error,
Even if I'm writing from a hurt heart, still tender.
Do not forgive me, unless you really want to,
I don't need you to come to my rescue,
But I still do miss you.
Your mental health issues, just so you know,
Play no role in what I last said, low,
I am trying to do better,
But that doesn't make things any better.
Orc_Pirate_68
Written by Orc_Pirate_68 (Sabrina Kirk-Caldwell)
Published
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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