An Absent God

Being raised forced catholic (now formerly), I can absolutely appreciate this prayer/plea out to a higher power, longing for the ability to understand that which can sometimes feel inextricably impossible to fathom.... Finding a reason or explanation for the amount of hurt one person can handle, that haunted ache, lessened by faith and belief is a soothing balm to many... I hope you're able to find renewal in that space within the days ahead, dear lady    
 
*I read this poem during NaPo and remember being moved by it's authenticity. I'm so glad you shared it with us, H🙏  
   
Excellently poeted.  
🌹 - 💙  
B

Dear BV,

Thank you. It’s been a very long road for I can’t even remember how long now, and I hope I’m seeing a sliver of light and not just another shadow.  Thank you for this lovely insight.  It’s always needed and appreciated beyond measure!  Xo
H 🌷

Nice to be able to believe. As that one poet said  'I believe I'll have a drink''.   PS:  nothing wrong with Beliefs or Spirituality......to a point.

PPS;  What is Napoetc.....?

Dear R,

Agreed. To everything you’ve suggested.  Some days are way more challenging than others...ho hum. A NaPoet is a bit of fun in identifying poets from the site who participated in the NaPo challenge.  For the month of April you submit a poem every day of no fewer than 50 words.  It’s a fun thing and perhaps you might consider joining in next year.???  We’ll talk more on this later :-)
Thank you so much for your read and comments. H 🌷

Longing. Seeking. Asking. Waiting.
All those thing we do when we look for God, beautifully expressed.

Dear J,

Thank you for your lovely comment.  It’s the waiting. That is what I think is the worst part.  I feel like Godot most days.  I really appreciate and dearly value your support and insight as always.
H 🌷

"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" which means, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matt. 27:46).

He who descended below all things, knows what it is to carry the weight of the world alone. We who would carry our cross and follow must expect our Gethsemanes and lonely hours. Lonely but never truly alone.

Dear AJ,

This will carry me through today, thank you!  That cross gets heavier every day though and you’re right our lonely hours and Gethsemane’s are to be expected.  I really appreciated this reference and thoughtful comment.  It truly offers pause to reflect on the good and I’m grateful to your for that. H  🌷

Well, I'm not a total heathen! 🌼

Excellent write... well penned H...

Dear L,

Thank you so much for your read and lovely compliment.  It’s always so welcomed and ever so cherished.  Thank you! H 🌷

Dear H,
What a beautiful psalm of lament... I don't have any answers for you, as I'm usually thinking the same thing. I guess continuing to live life every day is an act of trust in itself... Keep breathing; you're not alone.
❤️k

Dear K,

Dang!  I was so hoping your crazy 8 ball was still in play and working! But you’re right, all we can do is live life every day, hope we’re doing our best and trust in itself that it was good enough.  Extending hugs in reminding me I’m not alone. That in and of itself is the fuel for today that will keep me moving forward.  Thank you xo. H  🌷

This is a thinking poem and I welcome it.
I think we all struggle with these concepts of faith and believing and being a non-believer.
Some say God is inside all of us and not an external force.  
Who knows ?
It is also said that people get more religious as they age but I don't see that either particularly.
I was raised with a religion but never taught to obey it.  Maybe my parents thought it was a given but it wasn't......

Phenomenal writing H

BIG LIKE

Dear PS,

Do you think it possible as we age wisdom and experience play a role in how we view religion as opposed to it being force fed by family?  I tried going back to church.  I found sitting there in the quiet after mass more spiritual than listening to the holy slob pushing his religious agenda.  I guess it’s all in how it’s perceived.  None the less, thank you for these beautiful and thoughtful insights and your endless support to these musings of mine.  They are so precious. Xx H 🌷

He's busy.  
Stoking the fires of hell, waiting for you.  Sinner!  

Sorry.  Lol.  It's no secret by now, where I stand on this subject.  So...

As for your words, that's where I will reside right now.   No one can answer your pleas, which you know.   We all ask in unison as well.  

Just for the record, I'm definitely no God. But I will listen to you, any time.  See if He can beat that.  (Yes, I'm egging him on. Lol)

It's good to see some words from you.  I anticipate each next time.  

Dear S,

LOL, he is at that!  And I like a right balmy 72 degrees!  I wouldn’t mind watching a good old fashioned duel for the honor of my spiritual questions and personal religious salvation :-). And I totally accept that lovely invitation for a chat with you whenever you have a few minutes, I humbly thank you for that generous offer.  Thank you kindly for your “nudging” and lovely comments.  I am indebted to you.  H 🌷

That is the question, right.
Where are you? It's hard to justify believing without proof.
I think it's a choice. I'm an optimist. I've had a lot of terrible  
tragedies happen in my life and wonder why? Is there a lesson in this?
How could he be so cruel. And on the flip side I look at my two boys
who I choose to believe came from heaven. My deliveries were extremely hard.
I am small in frame so it took work and got scary. After the fact I looked at  
both of them and thought....my little angles:)  
Even though at times they drive me crazy!!!!

Awesome write lovely one:)

Dear A,

Exactly!  Through any trial there are these miracles that somehow ease some of the burden and pain of life.  I’m glad everything turned out so well with delivering your boys.  And it’s good to hear children still drive their parents mad because it will be delicious fun when they give you grandchildren and everything they did to annoy will come back to haunt them ;-)
Thank you very much for your lovely compliment and thoughtful reflections.  It is such a help to continue through each day. H 🌷

That is the question, right.
Where are you? It's hard to justify believing without proof.
I think it's a choice. I'm an optimist. I've had a lot of terrible
tragedies happen in my life and wonder why? Is there a lesson in this?
How could he be so cruel. And on the flip side I look at my two boys
who I choose to believe came from heaven. My deliveries were extremely hard.
I am small in frame so it took work and got scary. After the fact I looked at
both of them and though....my little angles:)
Even though at times they drive me crazy!!!!

Awesome write lovely one:)

Great poem! I think we draw closer to Him when we Lament, I do not find it easy though
When I go through this ,I keep reading scripture .Psalms are great poetry. Some of the verses questions have been divinely written:
Psalm 6:2–3 says, “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing. Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul is greatly troubled, but you, O Lord, how long?”
Psalm 13:1–2, “How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?”
Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord.”
then there is Psalm 40
blessings

Dear T,

Thank you so much for this insight and very helpful bible verses. I am unfamiliar with them and I don’t really find it easy to find solace in drawing closer to god in lamentation so finding something that feels right to pray is extremely useful. Thank you for your wonderful comment. I’m so grateful to you. H🌷

I hope you get light showing the end of the tunnel.  Nice write, H.

LJ

Dear LJ,

Thank you for your kind thoughts. They’re much appreciated. Thank you again. H🌷

This feeling of desperation and anxiety and that powerful need to keep faith. The feeling of hopelessness and abandonment causes such emptiness. Your writing is always magnificent. You are able to deeply convey such intensity. I have so many * hugs * for you. You are wonderful. <3

Dear K,

I am completely overwhelmed by this lovely comment and compliment. I think the word of god has just been spoken through this amazing response and I’m so grateful to you. This has been a wonderful boost to a tired traveler and I am indebted. Thank you. xo
H🌷

He is always around.

Dear A,

Thank you so much for read and comment. I really appreciate your visit. Thank you. H🌷

Sometimes He says Yes.  Sometimes He says No.  Sometimes He says Wait, and that is a very hard place to be in.  Sometimes He sends other people to be there for us.  Maybe some of us can be there for you if you need us right now.  I'm good at listening.  Also, have you read 'When Heaven is Silent?'  It's many, many years since I did, but it was a very helpful book at the time.

Dear E,

I really cherish your insight here. It’s so easy to get lost in the minutiae that we can easily overlook the gift given of others in our lives to assist. I haven’t heard “when Heaven is Silent” but you can bet your bottom dollar I will be checking it out now.
Thank you very much for your wonderful comments and lovely thoughts. I’m extremely indebted to you. H🌷

Dear H,
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through such a trying time.
I can really relate to your beautiful poem. I have had times when I felt just this exact way. My first thought would be to turn away and forget about God. It was tempting. Instead, with a cold heart I prayed that God would listen when I spoke of how difficult it was to pray in my condition but I still wanted to be heard. Then I would go and write about it.

I found a great book called, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" by Harold Kushner. It helped me a lot. You may of heard if it.
Please message me if you think I can help. Don't forget how much you are loved.

Faith

Dear F,

I’m sorry it’s been such a delay in responding. I can’t thank you enough for such an uplifting and generous comment. It’s been a rough go for a while but writing these snippets and receiving beautiful insights like yours has truly helped ease the burden. Xo
I haven’t heard of this book and will check it out. I appreciate the info about it. Thank you again. ❤️
H🌷

So while i am an agnostic and tend to believe in science. I do However believe in you H🌹 and know you will find that which you need because you will make it so ♥️
Hang in there sweet beautiful woman

Jackie 😘

Dear J,

You’re right. I know what I need to do. Now I just have to summon the courage to do it. Ugh! I am so grateful for your support and encouragement. Thank you for the reminder, I can do it. Xo
H🌷

Ah, yes the irony of faith is that it is just that, trusting the unknown, unseen, unfelt, and doing it endlessly without much confirmation. I can relate to it being a placebo that works, it has gotten me thus far.  This is such a written about subject, infinite.  I enjoyed your NaPo entries :)

Dear PR,

So true, there is such irony in faith. Funny, or maybe odd, how we tend to gravitate towards it especially in times of need, sadness, fear etc.
I’m very appreciative of your lovely comment and grateful for the perspective you’ve shared with me. It helps a lot. Thank you.  H🌷

It's a great write and I can really relate. Thanks for sharing, Honoria.

Dear L,

Thank you for your lovely comment.  I’m so glad you shared your own updates. It was a pure joy to learn of them. Thank you again for your response. I really appreciate it. H🌷

"They think faith is a big electric blanket when of course it is the cross. It is much harder to believe than not to believe. If you feel you can't believe you must at least do this: keep an open mind. Keep it open toward faith, keep wanting it, keep asking for it, and leave the rest to God."

Flannery O'Connor, from a book of her letters, The Habit of Being

Your poem reminded me of that, and a lot of "dark night of the soul"-esque poetry and writing that I've come across and vibed with down the years. Your poem has a very medieval feel in that sense. It feels like the plain and plaintive song of a servant. There's even an air of a psalm about it, going all the way back to the Bible, and the psalm of the believer writhing on his "couch" in spiritual agony.

Dear CR,

I’m so glad for your quote. I’ve not heard of this book and look forward to reading it. I enjoyed your response immensely. The plain and plaintive song of a servant made me feel honored really. I guess because I felt like one in a negative way but your thoughtful take has turned that around and I see it more as a thankful one. Thank you very much for your read and wonderfully thoughtful comments.  H🌷

Whoa that’s a lot of comments!

Sorry not sorry that I’m about to add one more for you…

Believe, don’t believe, it makes no difference at our most desperate we seek answers and help from somewhere anywhere,

As an adult when you’re expected to rely on yourself asking, begging seeking someone to just help you stand when you’ve been knocked down and kicked repeatedly is one of the most human experiences I think there is.

Wether we believe or don’t.

This poem hits like that

Thanks for the read

Dear N,

I appreciate your thoughtful comment. I agree with you, belief system in a deity or not, when we’re down we will seek solace from somewhere. It is a human response which sometimes I forget to remember. Thank you for your read and lovely response. H🌷

I can't tell you the amount of times I have thought this exact same thing. It's almost daily. Thank you for putting into words what I struggle to express. I needed it.

Dear MP,

Thank you for your read and very kind comment. It’s much appreciated and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Welcome to DUP!
H🌷

I really think a lot us identify when it comes to faith, when we're tested, lost, found and lost again. Some blame God, others, develop issues. No matter what though, we somehow find strength within, (sometimes with the help of others).

Hard times (or tragedies), are the outcomes of a complicated equation made up choices and paths taken, plus all the unknowns, life is never meant to be smooth sailing.

Hope everything is OK and that whatever your faith, creed or belief, things will work out.

Dear W,

You make a valid point on all accounts in your response in how we turn to or away from god, if we’re believers. More importantly I agree we do find strength from within from the dark or adverse times were dealt. That’s important to remember especially when we feel like we’re drowning. I really appreciate your lovely comment and RL add. Both were a wonderful boost today. Thank you. H🌷

Dear R,

Amen to that lovely comment. Just when you think humanity can’t sink any lower another trap door is at the ready. I really appreciate you stopping just when you did. This wonderful insight is just the hope needed to slug through today. Thank you for that and your generous RL add. I’m very grateful to you. H🌷

I am (shudder) not a Christian but consider myself an associate of the guy. I also believe that his core msg is more relevant than ever. Isaiah 61:1.

Parousia in Greek means the “presence” and is often translated as the “return.” Your poem echoes the “eloi, eloi, lamasebacthani (sp) there at Calvary. I can feel the presence of the Christ in your poem and in the remarkable connections you appear to have forged with so many of our fellow poets.

WWJD is for me the essential question. And the answer to that is to live in a manner which focuses on the most existential threats of climate change, a patriarchy gone utterly mad and the politics thereof, empowering children to be able to think critically, and clearly distinguish shite from shinola. The power of the vote. The importance of letting Jesus be Jesus rather than shoehorning him into some fairytale glass slipper of dogma that was appropriate for a world ruled by demonology.  

I am typing this thing out one-finger style, tearing up the keyboard. Getting late. I often wonder what our responsibility as poets (or in my case wannabe poet) is at this very late date in the inexorability of recent events.

Anyway I’m feeling stupid and don’t wish to disparage anyone’s faith, but one of the things I am most proud of is that even though I don’t believe in the literal virgin birth nor physical resurrection, I have found my way back to a relationship with him that works for me.

I was brought up with the fundamentalist church as the center of our social life with nightly Bible readings and prayer on my knees. Age 11 I stopped caring about heaven ( you mean I have to be bribed to love Jesus?) or hell, trusting that if god exists my judgment would be both appropriate and healing. Read the good and not-so-good book cover-to-cover…a bunch. Lived with a cult of street Christians in Honolulu for seven months and rejected their teachings but loved them as fantastically interesting children of that which is divine.

Sorry it took me so long to find you and your work. Your cross, as it were. I was here for one poem several years ago and returned a couple of months past.

Following, of course. Much agape, dear heart. You rock.

Dear M,

I really like the idea of being an “associate” of the big guy. That’s an awesome way to look at it. Wondering what Jesus would do with the state of the world makes me think he’d just stand there with his head in his hands in complete disappointment. And I agree letting Jesus  be himself and trying not to morph him into something we think he needs to be is exactly opposite to what I think he was trying to preach in the first place.
Critical thinking is the crux of a free and democratic society and public education has almost snuffed that right out of existence. These poor kids will never truly know the difference. “Shite from shinola” best analogy ever!
I’m wildly impressed you single finger typed this wonderful comment! I really enjoyed your insights, experience  and knowledge.  
Thank you so much for your lovely comment and RL add. I’m greatly indebted to you. H🌷