deepundergroundpoetry.com
.:se7en - post mortem:.
Once upon a time..
There was The Pitt-man
There was The Spacey-man and
The…Free-man
Being out of sorts they were kind of solemn
But.. Indeed they were good sports
Trading their philosophical retorts
Smug-like smiles; the questioning of styles
Just bantering about amongst themselves
Cryptic; while not at all too explicit
Sharing a litany of unreasonable reasons
They, together entered Pitt’s clogged ear
Human frailty went in as well
To perform by storm an unmasking of Hell
The Free-man, his raincoat…no worse for wear
He shouted out to re-route.. the latest found tear
“Don’t come in,
Don’t come in here;
California, tell your people to stay away.
Stay away now, don't…don't come in here.
Whatever you hear, stay away!
John Doe has the upper hand!”
That’s right, John Doe had the upper hand
That “No-man”, a Spacey-man.
Way out there in that No-where Land
So said The Free-Man; said before the Last Stand
Now The Pitt-man, him?
So prominent was to be his loss
Treacherously tragic; dastardly the cost
Trying to “not” BLAST! as fast as he can
No surprise upon Sir Prize…placement of The End
We've seen too much meanness in…too many a scene
Viewers become drunk as they sip from the spleen
I suppose some might if they think that they can
Forego all those sins.. raining down upon man.
...
Published 16th Mar 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 645
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
16th Mar 2012 9:20am
I love the... meter, i think? (Sorry, I'm unfamiliar with terminology.) It's great for reading aloud. It's harsh and definite, like the movie.
My favorite is the penultimate stanza (sorry again if that's not the correct term) , and the second and third lines in the final stanza. 'Sip from the spleen' is genius!
My favorite is the penultimate stanza (sorry again if that's not the correct term) , and the second and third lines in the final stanza. 'Sip from the spleen' is genius!
16th Mar 2012 2:09pm
.
this piece is still kinda under the knife; thanks for your feedback.. it's ok about the "official" terminology. it's something i haven't picked up on myself. don't really consider myself a poet. i just let the people say what they say while i write what i write.
just doing me; glad you got something out of it
.
.
this piece is still kinda under the knife; thanks for your feedback.. it's ok about the "official" terminology. it's something i haven't picked up on myself. don't really consider myself a poet. i just let the people say what they say while i write what i write.
just doing me; glad you got something out of it
.
.
19th Mar 2012 1:18pm
These kind of films - shows - come from the unconsciousness mind and make those who watch them unconsciousness also ... I like the last verse "Viewers become drunk etc." very true ... an excellent write about out times ... you have great incite into life ... Bruce
19th Mar 2012 6:01pm
.
.
Appreciate your thoughts Bruce; thanks again for chekin out and respondin to this drop. Don't know about the "great incite" tho Sometimes my clarity can just go to pieces....AND sometimes it can go to pieces. It is what it is Bruce.
Respect
.
.
Appreciate your thoughts Bruce; thanks again for chekin out and respondin to this drop. Don't know about the "great incite" tho Sometimes my clarity can just go to pieces....AND sometimes it can go to pieces. It is what it is Bruce.
Respect
.
