By the Pricking of my Thumbs

 
I don't enjoy  
getting my panties in a twist
because at my time of life
I know I'll wet myself
before you can say: 'Don't panic'
but between you and me  
I've a feeling that nasty chap from Hell  
and all his fiendish friends
are bound to show up at any moment
The weather's wild
the planet's poisoned
we've had the plague  
and a merry war  
is pissing in our faces every day
Sod's law  
that when his shit rumbles up  
from the drains of Hades
we'll be besieged by gang bang rapists
bent on multiple violation
Now I don't know about you
but having your cheeks
spread out on the kitchen table
while Lucifer's henchmen  
conjure tornadoes in your back garden
after a ten thousand year sabbatical  
is not my idea of a Bank Holiday treat
I would write  
to my Member of Parliament
but apparently he's too busy
watching porn