brideprice

Well I have been trying for a good while on here
 and at other online venues, to find a solemate
but it hasn't happened so I pulled out the stops, jumped out of the plane
 and pulled the parachute cord
and here I am.

I found the bride of my dreams on BRIDEPRICE.COM and
 bargained her down from $3000 plus $300 for packaging. to $1950 total.

Well, it wasn't actually the total, there still was finding a freight company
 to ship her to me but I had done shipping
 a couple times before so I went ahead and hit "accept offer"

So great, now I go and dig up my old information on
 shipping a crate, and then I discover they can't ship her which really hit me hard,
 I had been relying on my shipper, and they just totally abandoned me
 even though I talked (emailed them) nicely.

Little did I know, that they have some rule where
they wont ship a Central American Costa Rican girl to
 a location in North America unless I pay a $37,500.00 dollar surcharge,
payable in full, to BridePrice.com  
Evidently there is some archaic rule created who knows when for who knows what,
 that "No girl from Central America shall be shipped  to the United States,
without paying  $37500.00 in surcharges"

 I had already paid for my bride, and now I cannot get her to me.
 I thought the packing charge of $300 was entirely reasonable.
They fit her to a crate with air holes, and a
comfortable bedding of straw covered with cloth coverings
and give her a  five gallon jug  of quaxadrone which hydrates,
nourishes and sedates her during the 14 day expected ship time.

I haven't actually talked to her yet, but
 I checked the box that she will arrive trained to recognize my face,
and of course I know her face because I have picked her.
I have been practicing some cooking, and
on her arrival I was hoping to greet her with a hot plate of spaghetti.
But now I am have to call and cancel my bride order.
I call . After some delays,
 I learn that my refund will be paid in
monthly installments, in Costa Rican currency,
 spread out over thirty years, starting one year from the date of my
returns request.
With an inflation rate of
two hundred percent per year.

I call my old friend Paulo.  
Paulo patiently listens to me. He says I am in a pickle, and hangs up.

What to do...
In the morning my mind is on fire with a plan.
I am going to disassemble two bicycles and put them into a box,
and buy an airline ticket over to her. When I get there,
I will put the bikes back together, and we will ride together,
for the ninety days needed to get back to my room in Michigan.

 So I begin taking one of the bikes apart, and the bolt wont come loose,
 then it begins stripping threads.  I become very frustrated,
and end up stomping both bikes into oblivion.
 I am doing this in the garage, and a roommate comes out
to see if his bike is OK.   Of course it is OK.
I respect other people's property.

It has been a few days since the order,
 well, maybe like six months actually,
as I had to work extra to get more money
for the plane ticket.  When I get to San Jose, Costa Rica,
 I  am all alone, no bikes, no nothing.
 I get to the line of taxi's waiting to take people into town,
asking how much it will cost,
when a city bus bulls up and I race to the bus.
I  find a youth hostel for $1.90 for the night. Hospedaje Chepito.
Each room is filled with 6 to 12 beds, and I get one of them.

In the morning, I set out to the bride dealership to claim my bride.
When I arrive, I am told that my bride grew tired of waiting for me and has
 left to work at a small newsletter company.  I take a bus to it.

 I enter and meet her, and after a few greetings,
 she tells me I should not have come.
I make a scene in the office, begging her
why she does not love me anymore.

I go out and wait in the corner of the property.
 at the end of the day, she dashes from the building and onto the bus,
and I race also, to get on to her bus and sit near her.  
She ignores me as if I am nothing to her.

 I ride like this for about a half hour, I can't remember what I said to her,
but I decide it is over, so I stand up and get off the bus.
At the last minute, she flashes her loving eyes at me,
 but I got off anyways.

 It was my loss.