Soliloquy

        
     
     
       
a half burnt        
cigarette        
glaring at me;        
blowing snow rings        
into atmospheric-smog        
between word placement,        
punctuation, font, and form        
collecting        
crumpled metaphors        
origami basket balls        
landing on        
the floor        
       
I lied, tonight        
saying "I'll be alright"        
diluting reality's fears        
in ink-tears        
letting words form        
the script        
of rehabilitation        
       
subscribing to        
another        
breakdown;        
falling apart        
while        
that cigarette is        
instructing me to        
light another        
       
I'm not suicidal        
we've established      
death        
isn't strong enough        
to deal with 2022        
or my internal monologs        
and I've told you twice        
"I'll be alright"        
-needing to get this write out        
landing the page        
without a bump        
strip its ego        
to the moment        
human eyes        
find something        
that inspires        
       
blotches reminding me        
I entered the        
easter daily write        
as a sign of solidarity        
to a loved art form      
-now it's        
unified support        
of myself        
and survival        
       
the sun finally      
awakes        
stretching rays        
through cracks        
in curtains        
I ask the moon        
to stay        
she doesn't listen and        
goes to bed        
-lighting another cigarette        
I swear        
I'm hearing whispers        
as she fades      
   
       
"all that's on your head        
is a war between        
       
fucking        
       
or dying."        
       
       
.