How to be an Eavesdropper

"It's the quiet ones you have to watch!"  
I've heard said before  
and there's a kernel of truth there.  
Though shy and inhibited,  
I treat life as one long lesson  
and have picked up an unexpected skill:  
Eavesdropping! I'm very good at it.  
 
A reserved personality helps,  
but is not essential.  
To really succeed,  
a book or newspaper makes a great prop.  
You can pretend to read avidly;  
even move your eyes  
and turn pages periodically,  
while straining your ears  
to pick up every word.  
 
Ideal locations include trains and restaurants,  
where the speaker has a captive audience,  
although shops and playgrounds work well too.  
I struggle to comprehend  
the personality type  
that shouts about their business in public  
for all to hear.  
Not everybody shouts,  
but I hear them all the same.  
 
This quiet red-haired bookworm in the corner  
has been privy to arguments, slanging matches,  
pregnancy announcements,  
threats of divorce  
and reunions between estranged relatives;  
the business of strangers largely inconsequential  
as our paths never cross again.  
 
Most memorable are the announcements  
ranging from absurd to hilarious:  
the threats of litigation  
due to a TV dismantled into pieces on a shop floor  
which had a whole train coach laughing.  
Tears of laughter streamed down my cheeks,  
coat sleeve stuffed in mouth to stifle the giggles  
as the protagonist shouted down his cellphone,  
becoming more and more irate.  
 
Then there was the young man  
who earnestly declared his undying love for a town  
and his desire to "get a tattoo of it"  
after living there for two months.  
I have it on good authority  
that the town's weed  
is supplied by white guys,  
because the black guys are all clean.  
And if you ask after the health of a neighbour  
you will be treated to gossip  
about the neighbour's neighbour,  
and her nephew,  
and her grandad,  
and his dog.  
 
Part of the appeal  
is in doing something that seems wrong  
while behaving as though I'm not.  
Is it wrong?  
I'm not sure...  
I've always said  
that if people share this stuff in public,  
they shouldn't be surprised  
to be overheard.  
It just so happens that I'm a writer  
and they unwittingly just provided  
fodder for my art!