religion

low lights    
too many pillows    
clothes on the floor    
pulled off in a rush    
hands smoothing the creases of my skin    
tracing the scars    
the tattoos    
the marks of a life well lived    
lips on my neck    
on my mouth    
on my tits    
and then he’s inside    
and for a moment it feels    
like he could fuck my self worth back into me    
like nothing else matters    
except this moment      
where I am everything      
I am beautiful      
sexy      
confident    
capable    
worthy    
I’m searching for my will to live    
in the crevices of him      
of her      
finding myself in the dark    
in their bed      
in mine    
in their throats, their mouths, their bodies    
this is my peace    
my purpose    
my religion    
for tonight    
just tonight    
and in the morning    
I will fade    
the feeling will fade    
everything will fade  
until night falls again  
and I return to worship  
until I find another bed  
to make my church  
to sacrifice myself in  
to the gods of loneliness and sensuality