Hidden Lover

I have never shown you this.
I never will, you couldn’t take it.
You, who are supposed to love me
Could never understand this.

If I told you of his love
What would you say?
Words of hate and misunderstanding?
Or would you think for a moment?
Realize that he makes me happy?

With him I am safe.
My fragility can be free
When he is there to protect me.
The one person
Who makes me feel safe.

I can never show you this
Hidden lover.
He is mine, I will not let you take him away.
I will protect what we have with my life.
My soul’s existence
Is due to his tender love and care.

You would never understand.
You did not see the others
Who threw me away.
You did not see him cry for me
Cry for my pain.
Take me into his arms
And promise me better days.
You have not seen him try to protect me
From lies, deceit, fear.

You see me standing here
But you do not see why.
You did not see the knives under my pillow.
Will I ever stop dreaming of bloody knives?
So pretty, so pretty.
I want to try.
It never hurt before….
But he was always there to save me from the dreams.
Do you ever hear it?
When he calls at midnight
To be sure I am still alive.
To comfort me,
To cry with me.

You cannot understand what we have been through
You would choose not to. Wouldn’t even try.
We, who have persevered, who have waited out the storm.
The pain and fear licks at us still
But we are strong together.

I do not have to bear the brunt of my pain
When he is there to help me.
You have always made it worse,
He makes it better.

The heaviness of my pain
Is less so when he is here.
I can smile
I can sing!

….Have you ever heard me sing Mother?
Or you Father?
Not along to the radio, sing my own song.
My twisting melody, showing at one moment pain
At the next pleasure.

I have found my soulmate.
Why can you not accept him?
Does age affect us so?
Does love mean nothing
In the heart of a teenager?