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Tireless Mind, Restless Heart

The wonder drug since the electric paddles of life to comply
Prolonging your existence in the twinkling of an eye
Eyes closed no heartbeats pushing through
A night of opiates indulgence, a needle for me none for you
That ultimate high
Taking your mind to an illusion of the sky
Crashing while coming down
Another hit, mindful delusion going around and around
Nothing stirring or making a sound
Eyes closed, as Iím greeting my destination
Mental trepidation without any hesitation
The highest point I can reach of my imagination
If only you could see what I mean
Everything up here looks and feels so serene
Yeah, thou, I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
The veins of my salvation, God, Iíve already met
My Narcan Angel has saved me twice
For the sickness of not having my medication is a huge sacrifice
 
My kids are crying, I refuse to care, do their hair, or give them a fresh breath of air
My liquid gold dependence has placed them all in foster care
My veins have told my story, the pages of my life are on display
I have sold the soul of my character as I grind with a I stranger as I lay
Counseling, Drug Rehabilitation, once, and then I choose to decline
I cannot be held responsible if this feeling is too divine
I did not start my journey as all would think
I was once an Accountant living the illustrious American dream
So, it may have seemed
Back went out, surgery pursued
One pill, then two, the whole bottle just to get me through, the feeling overruled
 
Pain was excruciating as one would believe, prescribed medications just to appease
Oxycontin, Percocet, Vicodin was just a swallowing tease
Try this, it could be a hit or miss
As I took my first initial hit
My severe pain, gone
Sending my mind in space all alone
But wait, this isnít so bad
Iím too glad to even be mad
For sticking my vein in a hasten cure
And yes, Iím positively sure
 
This will be the last time I take this route
But it did knock the pain completely out
Back pain anymore, who me, it doesnít exist
Maybe it would not occur at all, if I just take one more hit
Plantation of veins, hum, which one do I pick
Collapsed veins over time, I must now slap to get
Ahh, there she is, my belt waiting to wrap
No judgments here, a downfall of a relapse
Tapping the throne not to get my twenty-dollar investment insertion wrong
Strange things to get it, I had to do all night long
 
Injecting glory of satisfaction into my arm
Body churning in anticipation, a raging internal storm
Pulling the bevel back pushing liquid comforts of warmth
Slumped forward waiting to greet
My mind heading beyond the clouds, made for my vein and me to meet
A new batch in desperation I just got from off the streets
Wait, this feeling is tearing up my insides
Head rolls back, white affixed eyes, I tell you no lies
Whatís happening, as I cry out from my world of darkness, where no one larks
I hear screaming voices, dogs barking, sirens, people talking over me making medical remarks
I cannot breathe, someone help me please
My mind, my body has been snatched away
I hope it wasnít a Fentanyl batch, known to take oneís life, I silently pray

What...,what, is this feeling that has hit my heart
Itís still not beating, itís too lazy to even jump start
Hit again, hey where is this jolt coming from
I cannot feel anything, my body is still numb
Seconds later, there that feeling goes again
Hospital staff patiently waiting for Narcan to sink in
I can finally catch a breath to live, presence accounted this time to win
Seeing Angels before, I came through
I must stop meeting this door, before my granted visits become overdue
And between me and you
 
I want my life back without the Opiate blues
Things I once enjoyed, to experience it anew
I have not seen my kids, is this what Iíve reduced myself too
With a shake of His head, a voice spoke out to me
As you lie still, you must live and learn to believe a need to be
Believe in me, as I give all another tomorrow
For your ignorance, you lay in your own thistles of sorrow
I have once again pitied a fool
I tell you all, I have been academically schooled
As I lay here I will make my promise to you
No more, Iíve seen the other dark side
I have better choices for my mind in life to decide
I will beat this nightmare, itís behind me once I stand
No one wants life or death decided under the wonder drug, Narcan
 
#CelebratingBlackHistoryMonth
1st Edition (Published 23rd Sep 2018-Narcan)
SweetKittyCat5
Written by SweetKittyCat5
Published | Edited 28th Feb 2022
Author's Note
This musing is dedicated in spirit to anyone who have befallen to the dynamics of becoming reliant on any type of opiate


SKC
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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