Solutions [Solve for X]

 
I feel ashamed; I have no dignity.
I have no personal accountability.

I’m a pathetic desperate kind of person.
Seeking external approval and validation.

I wasn’t given the tools to build character.
I was handed neglect and abuse by many figures.

Now all I want is to hide in the dark and wither away.
Just want it all to end; what’s the point in staying.

Overwhelmed by perceived chronic deficiencies.
Mental illnesses that disfigure and disable me.

Traumas define every waking moment.
Crystallized time keeps me frozen.

I’m exhausted by this endless existence.
Futility fueled by my own resistance.

Holding onto life by a razor thin thread.
Every fiber of my being wants to see me dead.

Voices of abuse eternally battle in rumination.
Provoking justice through bloody finite ideations.

Releasing fractions of pressure via self-mutilation.
I see no solution to fulfill righteous vindication.

Twenty years of cutting away at the equation.
Only brings me closer to fatal transfiguration.