deepundergroundpoetry.com

God's Jeans

I am sad.
I dont know Who to be today.  
I broke all my promises to myself about "trying" and "letting go" and "being happy and healing."
I want to escape but its fucking pointless.
I feel hopeless.
I see how in the past Ive thrown all my power away.  
I didn't even know what it was.
Didn't even.
That is how I got hurt in the first place.
But I am still Innocent.
I am still Forgiven.
Its just that I am also-
A lost and afraid little girl who doesn't believe anyone could ever-
Love me.
I keep wanting to abandon me
I keep wanting to throw my life away
I keep wishing I could avoid
Anyone ever seeing me
Because no one sees anyone anymore or anyways
Besides they can't see the parts of me
That are splitting apart all over the floor
Splitting and joining  
Crashing and colliding
Infinite potential of chaos and destruction
(Peace and eternal lovin')  
 
And yet I want a safe place to show you
Where I create my miracles
Where I am tender and I am loving.

Its just...  
No one will ever...
Yet I am lovely  
Sprawled out on the floor  
Screaming out between the seams
It seems
Creation is a river
Bleeding straight through  
These jeans
Jeans that they say
I'd destroy the world  
With this ass
As if it wasn't just skin
Holding me still, within
 
I feel crazy  
I just wanna be free
And have fun babe
Maybe go out and drink
And get fucked up
And end up on someone's couch
Date rape drugged  
And raped  
And I was dreaming that I came.
And that I didn't know my name  
And that I had a reason to speak
Or a person to blame
But its just me babe
Its really me-
 
Not only just me-
Quietly still, its been mostly the One
Unnameable One who sees Through me  
And this part I get to play
Just as real as anything
The realest ion
The realest of things
Like how
At least once a month or so I get to bleed  
Living life through God's jeans  
See?
stevenyprince
Written by stevenyprince (alysha)
Published | Edited 27th Jan 2022
Author's Note
Going through some dark night of the soul.
Sorting out all this garbage. I think Someone found me useful after all. Now I see its only pointless to struggle to see or think straight or think i...
Going through some dark night of the soul.
Sorting out all this garbage. I think Someone found me useful after all. Now I see its only pointless to struggle to see or think straight or think i know when it isn't the eyes that I need to be Witness... I can only trust with my heart.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3 reading list entries 1
comments 7 reads 270
JohnnyBlaze
Commenting Preference: 
The author encourages honest critique.

Latest Forum Discussions
SPEAKEASY
Today 7:40am by Northern_Soul
POETRY
Today 5:08am by Skyblue2
COMPETITIONS
Today 3:34am by Kou_Indigo
COMPETITIONS
Today 3:11am by allyfaye
SPEAKEASY
Today 1:45am by Phantom2426
SPEAKEASY
22nd May 2022 00:11am by MadameLavender