Alone

“Alone”

I remember laying the wreath
On the day I forgot how to breathe.
Petals fell with the rain on your skin.
Somewhere I heard a song begin
And it was if everyone and everything
In that moment waited for you to sing.

I think I’ll keep dying in ways you can’t tell,
Written on my lips, a poison farewell.
I do not want to say goodbye again,
But I can’t bear to miss you anymore.
That is just the way it has been:
Waiting for you on the far side of the door.
I’ve been lost in the morning as if in the dark
On seas where no ship dares to embark:
Seeking shores in the waste of glass
As the spectral heartbeats of yesterdays pass.

Cigarettes and strangers—none of these men
Mean a thing. I just need to feel something again.
And I’m crying as if you’ll watch me fall apart
And come to rescue what’s left of my heart.
I thought I’d finally laid the pain of you to rest
But each day, my resolve is put to the test.
I think I’ll try to pretend I’ve passed you and moved on
But this is a war that—try as I may—just cannot be won.
I thank the silence for making me see your silhouette
And I thank your voice for what I cannot forget.
But I am lost in so many ways I cannot feel a reason
To move on from this somber season.
And the love you never gave was a love that felt so beautiful.
My heart belongs to emptiness now, but you still hold my soul.
And I’m wasting my time, but as long as I am alone,
I’ll wait amid tears for you to come home.

© 2022 Marten Hoyle