Exercise Diary Entries

1. Every time I go to the bathroom
I see that damned scale on the floor
and am tempted to weigh myself.
And every time it hits 190 pounds
I hear the doctor's voice in my head,
Have you ever tried just walking?

2. Every crunch,
every salad,
every peanut butter sandwich,
every juice cleanse,
every single thing I do
doesn't make me lose
any more weight.
So, why should I have to choose
between being obsessively healthy
and the less consistent snacks I love?

3. Every curve that hits a bone
in a perpendicular fashion
makes me want to try liposuction.
That black slip dress is supposed
to make me look thinner,
as it's my little black dress,
but all I see is a whale
suffocating in clothing
too tight for her rolls.

4. I've hated myself more
and I think it contributes
to my disorderly eating.
I think it contributes to me
throwing up my meals.
I think it will kill me one day.

5. There's nothing wrong with my body.
Maybe it's just the medicine I take
to keep my mental health stable,
and honestly I would take being fat
over killing myself any day.
Maybe it's PCOS.
I would take being fat over having no ass
or tits
or rolls to jiggle when I twerk on that dick.

6. I hated my body so much,
I considered drinking straight lemonade
for an entire day, and not eating.
Just so I could see if I lost a pound or two.
But nothing comes off, I just keep gaining,
or I stay the same.
I'm as healthy as I could be,
just no exercise.

7. You look like you gained weight.
I don't fit into mediums like I used to,
are all that run around my head.
I don't need and excuse as to why I'm a fourteen.
I don't need people to comment on my body
either.
So, fuck you
and your societal standards.
I love my ass and my hentai titties
and my boyfriend loves them too.

RCF