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Diary entry 10-01

I canít believe Iím saying this, but I want to die. Plain and simple. Just cease to exist. Forever silencing the voices in my head. Why is that soo hard? Iím going insane because of the unending screaming inside my mind. Nothing helps, drugs, therapy, talk, after talk, after talk, emdr, drama, art, interventions, mutilations, hospitalizations, failed suicide attempts. Where do I go from here? What else do I need to do? What else is left for me to try? Living? Caring? I tried those, didnít help allot. For a short time love and happiness did lift my spirits. But the world is bigger than that. My understanding of that world is bigger than that. But Iím just a spec, a dot, an ant. I try to make myself and my happiness smaller, so itís more easy to maintain. But the world isnít shrinking, only my world does. And I never want to be locked up again. Never ever! They wil never put me away again. I refuse to be an experiment of some so called expert. No more locked rooms, no more. It has to end.
Vortex32167
Written by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)
Published
Author's Note
Another diary entry. One from a bad day. A very bad bad day.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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