deepundergroundpoetry.com

So far.

  In my case, what if you are perceived as indigent but happy? I am not rich or wealthy but used my wits to get exactly what I want. I sustain myself and look and feel amazing and still compelled to do well in this moving world. At my own pace. I make my own rule as much as I can. I look in the mirror and see a sexy thing from the poor teen I used to be…lol. That boy was hopeless. Then went to the army and seen true hopelessness. After my service I lost myself to heavy weed usage(abusive), thus turning me into the laziest nihilist I could imagine. Now that I use nothing, I can still see the things that I thought brought endless despair, as things THAT NEED TO CHANGE WITH EFFORT. I still see them, but I refuse to let them keep me down now. My mind is finally free. Now I am grateful, and blessed as few have this time and freedom, and if they do, they do not use it in a way to hopefully bring about change in their lives for the best, or even the best interest of those around them. My head buried in books now with no teacher to give me talks about failure rates that induced the anxiety to make me lite up a joint or 8 in a day to run from myself and the world. I am in control by way of life's design with my newfound freedom, my will power, and ability to not only ask why but how.  
 
     At nihilism I did not bother to ask why. I let the weed and alcohol take over me. When I was able to see who weed and alcohol were turning into by going into chat websites, I realized that I am not as broken as others (EXTREME PSYCOLOGICAL ABUSE). They are broken to the point where it is a community of people who only give into their darkest desires usually and lack any real enlightenment. Perfect place to study Dark Psychology (chat rooms). It is like Hedonism on demand if you can imagine. It gets beyond malicious. By analyzing the thing that kept me around such a community I concluded that sobriety was my salvation, and I was right. I still frequent one of these rooms as a tool for repurposing myself in a way. In that sense over a short amount of time sober and reading I find that the true me is a cynic of the Archaic sense.  
 
     I love my ego as it is earned and not given. I have been through a lot and a lot more to come. I am proud enough and will have even more pride as I fight to grow old in a world that tells me as a black man I lesser. I live in stride towards my goals despite what this world expects of me and go by my own way.  
 
     I am a cynical person. I do not trust the world that humanity has deemed sufficient as it is one truly based on greed, power, and superficial desire. The human I think is capable of great benevolence, but it is usually overpowered by malice and greed of others. I have faith in humanity but not the world humanity has built. Yet I have absolute faith in myself and others like me or even close. Cynics are not characterized, at least from what I can tell by a closed-minded nature as the nature of the cynic is based in like most philosophy the question, “why?.” We like many others know our own answer.
Jonny212
Written by Jonny212
Published
Author's Note
My thoughts on the idea of cynicism using myself as an example.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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