Ok Daddy I WiLL..

if i like this

i'm pretty sure i don't

This is sad. My heart bleed for anyone who gies thru this.

I think this is sad because... It really holds no emotion. So that makes me wonder "Why?" why did you write this? It holds no regret, anger, or sadness. It's just a sickening fictional tale of something very serious. Furthermore it's sad this is in erotica, like do you want some weirdo to jack off to something like this. Actually this isn't in erotica. The age warning confused me.

So what is someone to gain from this?

I suggest if you write about such a topic, actually no, just don't write about this topic again.

lol this would be really creepy if it WAS in erotica

Check this out .. First of all you dont have to read my shit. Second of all this happen to a lil girl i was in a shelter with theres nothing funny about it. and i labled it wrong. hell no i dont want no body to jack off to this.. for you to think that far it must be you masterbating to it you judgemnetal bitch. dont come back to my page talkin shit . im twice your age and have been writing since you were suckin your thumb.. dont blame me your momma never told you to stay out of grown peoples buisness..  

So since you're old you're automatically a better writer than me? Ma'am I suggest you take ten seats, one for now save the other nine for later. You'll need it. I just wanted to point out that if you measure how good you write by the age you are it's kind of silly. It's not a competition dear.

If this is the way grown people write and state their business, count me out. :)

Your so right its not a competition..  that would leave you leakin' oh i better look that up.. do you log in specificly to troll me.. i mean truly are you that bored child.. i got better things to do than listen to your nursery rhyme cries..

as someone who personally experienced this my heart when reading this poem

it was a very good poem though

There are things such as adult fantasy
Theres a very large industry, and scene based around it. You'd be surprised what two consenting adults can imagine, number one

and number two, the reality of it, is something else entirely, and this piece can be for them. This piece is relentless, as good art should be, imo

I think you need to go through and check your grammar, spelling and use of capitals. The language leaves little to be desired. I can understand the term "fantasy" and the application but this is far too far fetched in my opinion but I'm not discussing the topic. To be able to take on these topics you should invest in a decent spell-checker and re-read the words you have written. It's not all about write something, get it off your chest and post it for the rest of the world to find it in a mess-like state. These sites represent growth and it is to be embraced as somewhere safe to come to. Jumping on the defensive is not always necessary.

Your very right miss my spelling sucks ass.. and if you got to my profile it will  specificaly say i cant spell worth a shit... ill look in to a spell check though .. thanks for being a bitch and redaing my work. i wont be returning the favor.. i dont understand for the life of  me why it never fails people fuck with me. your not gonna run me off so bite ass and read someone else.. if you dont like me suck me.

'Jumping on the defensive is not always necessary.' I was being honest. If you don't want criticism don't say you want comments because the good comes with the bad. Saying you want comments when all you do is insult people who have taken time to read you work is a bit daft really, isn't it?

YOu know what your right and i am truly sorry for talkin to you that way... i was so angered by like 5 other comments and my new stalker that i didnt realize you werent being evil to me.. please forgive me.. and i appreciate your critique ..  your right it should and would normaly be written better but this was a story by a lil girl and the grammer and structure is exactly how it was told to me..  in raw form.. sorry again..

I don't care what anyone here says; The poem had a passion that is unknown to my writing style... I can only right about myself, but you can relate to anothers feelings and write about them... my feelings can not express the awe I feel for you as a writer

Thank you i appreciate the comment truly...

This is offensive not because of its subject matter but how it's presented. You give no insight into the mind of the monster, evoke no pity for his victim, but just convey in your ungrammatical fashion his abuse of her. To quote Roger Ebert's great essay "Evil in film: To what end?", which was a response to the makers of slasher film Chaos, "it is like a movie of a man falling to his death, which can have no developments except that he continues to fall, and no ending except that he dies." In short, what's the point? The girl has no hint of personality or character traits, so she just becomes an object, while the father dominates her in more ways than one. That's what's sick about this. All you seem interested in evoking is the father's voice as he rapes his daughter.
Great art can and probably should be made about matters such as incest and sexual abuse, but it requires sensitivity.

Oh heslop, I wondered when you'd get around here
 
You so obviously miss the point it's funny. It's supposed to be labelled as just that, a story,a real story,(Devilish mentions the reference in a few posts)but she leaves you to think about it.The poem doesn't display an approval or disapproval over any side, merely a disturbing account. The fact that we are discussing this I would think is an answer to "to what end".
 
Perhaps it disturbs you because (as you show in the second half of your response)you immediately run to the sex and not the person and once you do, you feel terrible about it. And (as you can see via the comments) your personal take on this is not universal.

Give me an example of the girl's personality as presented in the poem. She has none. The father doesn't have much of one, but at least he has a voice, which she doesn't, except to obey him at the end. You don't find that at all corrupt? I don't "run to the sex." The sex is all there is. What is there to think about when all Devilish provides is the father's dialogue? The fact we're discussing it doesn't give the poem worth. Simply presenting depravity isn't art, in the same way crime scene photographs aren't art. Art requires an attitude and a vision.  
In short, I'm sorry not everyone worships your girlfriend with the same religious fervor as you do, but such is life.

Perhaps expressing my voice in this poem was not the right thing to do, since it obviously berates me to a "follower boyfriend", which is both personally  presumptuous and a low pot shot that was not really necessary in the case of trying to prove a point.     
    
Again, you point out plainly that you cannot "worship w/ religious fever" (haha, that's funny cause I write about atheism, almost a choice piece of words used in order to create an emotional response, I could swear), that is FINE, I'm not trying to make you think the poem is awesome, but you claim it has no merit and I'm sorry but you don't win in that argument. Are you BLIND, there are other people in THIS comment section that have expressed a different opinion than you, and one of those people claims to have gone through a similar situation. Now, I can't comment more on that, but it at the very least presents the unmovable fact that, I'm sorry to tell you, people like you and Slag appear not to have the monopoly of opinion on this.And that's what, and all of what I've been trying to get across to you, that you are speaking from a point of view that does not allow others to disagree with you, but a few do. You can (damn, I've said this in three posts) dislike whatever you want, but to claim it is beyond artistic merit, when reality is presenting you (just read the other posts) w/ people who disagree with you I can't help but point it out to you.Nothing more.

"you immediately run to the sex and not the person and once you do, you feel terrible about it"  
 
You don't consider that "personally  presumptuous and a low pot shot that was not really necessary in the case of trying to prove a point"? I find it much, much more offensive than my "pot shot" at you.  
At no point have either me or Carla said that nobody else is entitled to their opinion. We're merely expressing ours. Why is that so wrong? Why do we deserve to be attacked for expressing an opinion you don't share? We don't claim to hold a monopoly, but it seems like you think you do, as you savage anyone who dares criticise the goddess Devilish.

Would you not feel terrible about it? The reality of it is what it is, what I was pointing out was that you seem to jump from the sex   to the fact that the poem doesn't have a "Incest is bad" disclaimer and therefore most promote the subject    
 
And I never said you said that you had a monopoly, but that  your approach does imply it. And no one has a monopoly, or should, I was simply displaying that fact that others, beyond me and Devilish, disagree on the opinion that the poem has no artistic merit or impact. (but don't personally drag them into this argument) I have also not attacked "everyone"

Are you really this stupid? You said: "I'm sorry to tell you, people like you and Slag appear not to have the monopoly of opinion on this." So no, you didn't say we had a monopoly, you implied that we think we have a monopoly. I can't believe you're so blatantly contradicting yourself.
Also, you said I "ran to the sex," which implies I went looking for it.
Yes, you have attacked me, and Carla. You think this garbage is art? Fine. I think it's garbage. You'll notice that, unlike you, I haven't replied to any of the people who like this poem, harrassing them for holding a different opinion to me. This will be my last comment, as there's no use arguing with someone either too stubborn or too unintelligent, or both, to not lie and contradict himself, rendering the debate pointless.

So I shouldn't have replied to your opinion, is that your answer? I can reply to who I want, theres a difference between "debating" and me attacking people. I never said you not agreeing was attacking, it was the way you expressed yourself that I take issue with.And I don't care if you did or did not reply to people, that part does not matter.  
 
I was insinuating yes that you thought your opinion is the right one,and that anything that disagrees with your fundamental opinion that the poem is garbage is wrong. In that mind set, it is either, it's garbage, or you are wrong, and I cannot subscribe to that. And I said "ran to the sex" because you seem to have viewed the sex as being the entire point of the poem. Look, I didn't want to clog up an entire page w/ this argument, but I won't just leave either.

Ok well first of all im not his girlfriend.. second the art is rape at its worse.. screw you and your vision of virtue and flowers. choke on em.. and had i read this comment before id a cussed you out already.. dick!

I swear I thought this was deep underground yet im still cumming across sunshine scribblers and dick heads.. ok first of all it is a real senerio .. told to me by a lil girl i was in a shelter with.. second my grammatical errors were blatent.. it was how it was told to me..So truly you can suck my ass and stop reading my work.. its not here for you to like or to get off on.. i got one that you could get off on though its called a family affair.. i can almost guess your comment.. thanks for stoppin by sensitive stanly..

I'm sure this little girl really wanted her story heard by the freaks on DUP. And you suck at grammar don't blame it on "oh it was told this way"


Doesn't this qualify as stealing?

SHE ASKED ME TOO SHARE THIS FOR PEOPLE TO BE AWARE...  I AM AND WAS HER VOICE YOU STUPID BITCH... SO FUCK YOU YOU SELF RIGHTEOUS FUCKIN BITCH!!!!

That poem was fantastic, no poem is a bad poem in my opinion. For me writing a poem is a personal writing of words put together with form and personality and should be respected for what it is. The said poet absolutely nailed it in my a opinion. Well done devilish

Thank you very much sir.. Much appreciated.. Truly.

Wow girl....such controversy you have stirred! You gotta love poetry!!! I can see where you are coming from though, I have spent most of my teenage life in and out of shelters and treatment centers and I had my moms nasty boyfriend do some fucked up shit to me after he shot me up with meth at 15, what people need to realize is that some of us use words to help heal us in life's events that may have happened to us in our life time, not everyone is going to read the same poem and feel the same way. This is a poem about a little girl being raped by her dad, and you want to hear her emotion....she is a little girl for god sakes. I have a degree in psychology, and let me tell you that when this happens in real life, the child thinks that this is normal behavior if they do not know anything else, so lets look at this in all differnt aspects before flying off the handle, most of us are adults here....rt? You know for those of you that have grown up in mass dysfunction, many children learn this to be ok and normal it is not until later in life do they realize that it was wrong!

Though I very much enjoyed this poem, as you've stated you aren't much of the grammar type, my attention became turned to these comments here. The author wanted 'Friendly Feedback' not a constant berating from fellow DUP members. Everyone had their own story, and if her friend wished to have it written in words then it indeed is not stealing, and giving the author this benefit of the doubt is what we all should do. It is put into the 'Dark' category and is deemed 'explicit'. So the fact you all seem to be 'offended' is ridiculous, for one, she did not do anything against Deep Underground, and two, remember this is the 'Harder Side of Poetry'. This site will indeed have things like this within it. So stop whining because you feel particularly irritable and drink some nice, hot tea. Devilish, I enjoyed the write, truly, I did.  

Oh fuck .. Thank you. very much. i got chills from your comment and truly appreciate it. you just made my day . i was like oh god another comment on ok daddy i will..lol. then i read it and exhaled relief.. "bows"

By causing such controversy and both defense and reproach does this not make this a true work of art that has inspired the extent of emotions and feelings, both openly and not so.

That is what art should do is it not.

If the outcry caused here is anything to go by...then you all just made Miss Devilish here famous, at least in the DU sense.

Opinions will be had, agreed with and debated because others believe they are wrong. You either like it, dislike it or take the middle ground and view it with indifference not because of the issues being raised but because of how the content is expressed.

But we are all about freedom of expression...right?

Please believe this is not how i wanted to be known or become famous over. i appreciate the comment truly. i can write on any level so it does effect me that it was this that brought views.. i only signed on to share and read thinkin that was the whole point in expression.  thank you though for your insight and not judging me.. that, i can love.. "bows"

Thank you ..

This was...sad, I have a friend who went through something quiet similar to this..
Finely written Devlish. Thank you for this fine read.

This poem is very sinister ...
it got me to think ALOT
and it quiet disgusted me.
That's why I love it xD
Great job love!!!
Keep up the good work ...
don't listen to the bullshit
just laugh at their stupidity.
You have a voice and it is heard through your amazing poetry ...
I can't wait to read more :)

This poem really hit me deep. Don't listen to what anyone else says, write what you want, this is DUP "the darker side of poetry" I'm only 15 and even I can see the message in this.

Devilish, I tried to read through the comments, but they seem for the most part to lack real reading skills in the first place that would allow them to get past their disgust.  What comes through here is the girl's reaction to her father.  I've met several women who have been raped by their dads, and one thing that keeps surfacing once we get through the horror of a broken childhood is that they have tremendous guilt over their having had some pleasure in the experience.  However horrible, it is still sex, and the feeling of shame over having enjoyed any part of it is somehow even more damaging than the rape itself.  The girl is emotionally complicit with her rapist here.

Sleep with the angels BaBy...

Ok DaDdy I WiLL...
]

The entire piece, IMHO, is about this singular moment when the girl is doing this to please her father, and there is a term to describe this, Stockholm Syndrome.  If she is not, and it seems this is not the first time, enjoying this sexually, then she is wanting to be pleasing to her father. In the middle of this hubbub about the father, the girl has been denied her emotional moment.  People are so grossed out that they would never be of any real assistance to her and would more likely shame her than help her.  The piece is raw because, as you pointed out, it was a raw story.  Any fool can check for spelling….it is not rocket science.  To point that out is to have missed the poem and to have become a dilettante.  You have a scratch on your Ferrari?  Please!

What I see here is a strobe photo graph of a girl, a real person, who is not in the moment trying to be displeasing to her abuser.  She is filled with emotion, and the father is a highly criminal abuser who has nevertheless been able to engender the girl's emotional support. This is not an unheard of idea, and there are other stories that pack this same punch.  That others are too busy with their moral outrage to actually be of emotional support to the girl says volumes about them.

Lastly, rather than my seeing you as someone fixated on your abuse, I see you as a public service announcement. This is the space your mind and your heart get to when things go off road.  Your insight is cutting, biting, and even eviscerating.  For those who have never been on the inside of these things, never been sexually abused, never faced sexual violence, these are disruptive concepts and horrible non-facts of life that should be locked up in a closet, and I say to them, that is exactly where they happen.  They have been of no use.  Once in a while you get someone who really does understand what the fuck you are talking about and that needs to make all the difference. To those locked in their ivory towers of social acceptance, there is no connection. But for those of us, and I am one, who have lived on the inside of hell and known the need to see more deeply and understand more clearly and to keep our eyes open even during the blood bath of having your childhood ripped out from your tender arms, we appreciate your strength and courage and audacity. I would say, Fuck them, but they obviously would have no idea what I am talking about.  I am glad for their innocence.  But for those of us who were there and live with it every goddamn fucking hideous day, you just keep writing your truth; we are listening. runningturtle87

yes, yes, yes... you dark fucker you haha... but i think ive outdone this... but youll have to dig through my archives... the rape series is good... necrophilia ones... bestiality ones. i think theres a series of pedophilia poetry... and if you have the patience for a short story i highly recommend hurting shiva i

I dont like it..
not because it was written badly, or because of anything else. it was actually very very good..
just hits a soft spot and hurts.

I understand this too much. I like how it holds no emotion, because afterwords I was usually numb. I wasn't mad, or sad because I didn't know how to feel.