so far

so far
 
so far what i’ve gotten out of this so called twin flame relationship
is a bunch of shit,
should have listened to the three psychics i questioned,
the tarot card readings  
and my gut.  
i should have quit on the first lie  
and never looked back,
because who wants a relationship built on mistrust..
it’s like buying a tall building with a bad foundation
and choosing to live on the top floor  
in earthquake ridden territory.  
it’s stupid.  
but i didn’t quit you,
like i haven’t quit others
and i’m always the loser in the outcome.  
so let’s see what i’ve accumulated this time,
let’s see stress enough based on mounds of daily lies that kept adding up
enough to miscarry two babies.  
yes lies can kill.  
and a wall built between me and every member of my family,
every friend i have  
because they were witness to the shit you were pulling  
and how you literally were doing nothing but getting high in a closet, jacking off  
probably to videos of your former hoes
because when i asked if you had watched our video you said no.  
oh ok but you can watch videos of you and nasty bitch.  
gotcha.  
anyway they were there and even chiva who really likes you said you were doing fucking nothing.  
then i hear video and audio recordings of you talking shit about me,
screaming about how i’m a bitch and i’ll get what i get out of my stuff
which explains why none of it is here.  
and you just fucked my mom and left her with some loser piece of shit who stole from her already who i told you not to bring to my fucking house.  
now he is still lingering talking shit making my mom think i’m on drugs too.  
fuck you.  
so basically ruining relationships  
and if not ruined i hate how i feel because i have to lie everyday and it sucks.  
real love is supposed to be true and not have to do this shit  
but how can i be true after the way you did things.  
because honestly they are right  
why should i be with an asshole who would do me and my family that way.  
i shouldn’t.  
it’s fucking wrong.  
and i don’t want to do it anymore.  
then on top of that you can’t love me the way you did before because your heart is torn between me and dope.  
really.  
and you can’t quit like you said you would.  
oh no.  
you just can’t.  
but you could do it for lori  
and you even told me she would go back and use and you just wouldn’t so you could be sober to help her thru it.  
but you can’t quit for me,  your twin flame.  
whatever.  
and another thing,
i find out about this tumor and this t2/flair which could be a stroke etc etc  
you dig further and find out it’s indicative of alzheimer’s/dementia/cognitive decline
and i can’t tell you how many conversations we have had where i told you if i had it i wouldn’t want to know because it would just ruin your life wondering when it was going to start.  
and of course you told me anyway  
and now all i can do is think about it every second of every day.  
i hardly see that stopping.  
so yea life pretty fucking ruined.  
thanks.  
 
that’s what i’ve gotten so far.