clarity

 
sincerity of a feeling leaves me reeling
deserving of a love?
no, I'm selfish and can be self-serving
it causes me grief knowing, you're too beautiful a soul for me
I don't ever want to be separated from your affections
but my inability to share in giving causes a chasm between us

it's only in moments of clarity
that I can stop and really reflect
we didn't talk much today and my heart is sad
I think I might lose you utterly
and never again feel the love you offer so freely
I'm uncertain what is missing in me, I'm so self-centered
I hate this part of me

I don't believe in pretending what would be the point
I would know, I was a fake
I want to be honest and trustworthy
but honestly I don't trust me with your heart
I want to make you promises but I can't
I know better I've let me down enough

I see the beautiful people so kind and good
and I wonder from where did I form?
dear God if made in your image is there a part of you that's evil too?

a vessel fitted for destruction
did you create me as purely as a warning of what not to be?
I'm hurting tonight and it's hard to hide from my truths
I don't want to be this way the in the eternities