deepundergroundpoetry.com
I do not feel sadness; I just do not feel.
I do not feel sadness, I do not feel despair.
I just do not feel.
I do not feel angry, or anxious. I just do not feel.
I do not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, I do not feel like eating. I do not feel like brushing my teeth. I do not feel like going to work; I do not feel like interacting with people.
I do not feel tired; I do not feel like sleeping. I do not feel like I am a human being that is capable of feeling emotion.
I simply just do not feel.
Anything.
Then, at random, I just feel.
Everything.
A wave of sadness, a wave of despair.
No, not a wave. A tsunami. An overwhelming, colossal wave of painful emotions drowning me before I have the chance to realise what is going on.
It engulfs me. It throws me under its current; it holds me there. I can’t breathe, it hurts too much. I can’t swim up for air, the current is too strong. I am too tired. I am too weak. I just drown; slowly, painfully, helplessly.
After a slow, painful death, I feel nothing again.
I am flung between nothing and everything; that is my existence.
That is how depression feels. It feels like nothing, and, everything.
I just do not feel.
I do not feel angry, or anxious. I just do not feel.
I do not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, I do not feel like eating. I do not feel like brushing my teeth. I do not feel like going to work; I do not feel like interacting with people.
I do not feel tired; I do not feel like sleeping. I do not feel like I am a human being that is capable of feeling emotion.
I simply just do not feel.
Anything.
Then, at random, I just feel.
Everything.
A wave of sadness, a wave of despair.
No, not a wave. A tsunami. An overwhelming, colossal wave of painful emotions drowning me before I have the chance to realise what is going on.
It engulfs me. It throws me under its current; it holds me there. I can’t breathe, it hurts too much. I can’t swim up for air, the current is too strong. I am too tired. I am too weak. I just drown; slowly, painfully, helplessly.
After a slow, painful death, I feel nothing again.
I am flung between nothing and everything; that is my existence.
That is how depression feels. It feels like nothing, and, everything.
Published 5th Dec 2021
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reading list entries 6
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Anonymous
- Edited 6th Dec 2022 00:45am
5th Dec 2021 5:22pm
<< post removed >>
5th Dec 2021 5:31pm
Hello Justine sometimes tears will leak from my eyes
but I feel nothing blank and then like you feel everything strongly...
it's a very painful state of being I find writing helps a lot
sometimes I will write from way down deep
not knowing that thing was troubling me...
when I came here I had very bad anxiety
nearly crippling I had no choice but to write or explode internally...
you are doing something great writing out your feelings...
welcome to DU...
but I feel nothing blank and then like you feel everything strongly...
it's a very painful state of being I find writing helps a lot
sometimes I will write from way down deep
not knowing that thing was troubling me...
when I came here I had very bad anxiety
nearly crippling I had no choice but to write or explode internally...
you are doing something great writing out your feelings...
welcome to DU...
5th Dec 2021 5:51pm
Writing is sooo therapeutic, I hope it's been helping and that you're doing ok :) x
Anonymous
- Edited 6th Dec 2022 00:45am
5th Dec 2021 5:48pm
<< post removed >>
I've never personally known depression, Justine🌸
But, I've seen the effects of it on friends, and from the desperate effects of it on them I can fully empathize with that which is obviously the muse for your/this excellently rendered, vividly expressed work of poetic prose.
It's amazing how palpably impacting your soul-wilting metaphors struck my heart with compassion for what must be sooo deeply sorrowful for your spirit to engage and endure … who could listen to your darkest cares and not wish to embrace you 'til they subside into nothingness, making room for life's most enthralling blessings of blissful tenderness to rush-in, instead.
Though, the entirety of your luring poetic voice spoke to me, the following lines particularly grabbed-hold my senses:
"No, not a wave. A tsunami. An overwhelming, colossal wave of painful emotions drowning me before I have the chance to realise what is going on.
It engulfs me. It throws me under its current; it holds me there. I can’t breathe, it hurts too much. I can’t swim up for air, the current is too strong. I am too tired. I am too weak. I just drown; slowly, painfully, helplessly."
Whew! it is obvious this is not your first poetic rodeo, Poetess … give us more and show how varied your skills truly are – I can only imagine.
I bid thee my warmest welcome, Justine ⁓ Richard 🍃
But, I've seen the effects of it on friends, and from the desperate effects of it on them I can fully empathize with that which is obviously the muse for your/this excellently rendered, vividly expressed work of poetic prose.
It's amazing how palpably impacting your soul-wilting metaphors struck my heart with compassion for what must be sooo deeply sorrowful for your spirit to engage and endure … who could listen to your darkest cares and not wish to embrace you 'til they subside into nothingness, making room for life's most enthralling blessings of blissful tenderness to rush-in, instead.
Though, the entirety of your luring poetic voice spoke to me, the following lines particularly grabbed-hold my senses:
"No, not a wave. A tsunami. An overwhelming, colossal wave of painful emotions drowning me before I have the chance to realise what is going on.
It engulfs me. It throws me under its current; it holds me there. I can’t breathe, it hurts too much. I can’t swim up for air, the current is too strong. I am too tired. I am too weak. I just drown; slowly, painfully, helplessly."
Whew! it is obvious this is not your first poetic rodeo, Poetess … give us more and show how varied your skills truly are – I can only imagine.
I bid thee my warmest welcome, Justine ⁓ Richard 🍃
5th Dec 2021 9:06pm
Thoroughly profound and vivid in it's description. It's a relatable subject that hard to describe or even attempt for others to understand.
"I am flung between nothing and everything; that is my existence."
Being numb everyday seems like a life age, stuck inside a box paradox where time doesn't go forward while everything outside ages and still remains the same.
Outstanding write.
Welcome to DUP.
"I am flung between nothing and everything; that is my existence."
Being numb everyday seems like a life age, stuck inside a box paradox where time doesn't go forward while everything outside ages and still remains the same.
Outstanding write.
Welcome to DUP.
5th Dec 2021 9:17pm
6th Dec 2021 2:17am
Such a beautiful explanation of the aches and pinss of depression the roller coaster od emotions both on and off
Love and light
Ron xx
Love and light
Ron xx
6th Dec 2021 3:05am
Once I hit a wall. Huge. Burn-out AND depression all in one. Dropped out. Slept twelve hours all the time. For more than a year. Saw shrinks. I came back out of it.....but only partially because suicidal thoughts were ever present. Less so today. Seems like there might be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Keep on fighting. Regards, Robert.
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Apr 2022 5:45am
6th Dec 2021 7:46am
<< post removed >>
18th Dec 2021 2:33pm
Hello,
Dark time is such that numbs you. We loose interest, appetite, hope and audacity. But we can't let this evil over come us. Keep playing with words and you will find the light at the end to show you that chosen path.
Love,
KS
Dark time is such that numbs you. We loose interest, appetite, hope and audacity. But we can't let this evil over come us. Keep playing with words and you will find the light at the end to show you that chosen path.
Love,
KS
21st Dec 2021 5:24pm
Depression during this crazy time is real and hard. I just lost a college buddy to depression.
I enjoy the flow of your words and writing it down is the best place to start to somehow make sense of it all
I wish you all the best on your journey
I enjoy the flow of your words and writing it down is the best place to start to somehow make sense of it all
I wish you all the best on your journey
25th Dec 2021 7:09am
What an overwhelming write drowning the reader one moment and then leaving then in an arid dessert the next. Heart of Darkness brilliance.
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Dec 2022 10:45pm
28th Dec 2021 7:16pm
<< post removed >>
5th Jan 2022 4:15pm
13th Feb 2022 3:13pm
So relatable with me I felt the tsunami flow over me whilst reading this and to have someone write that what we go through every day is a battle between everything and nothing
I love this wirk
I love this wirk
8th Sep 2022 2:42am
Reading this the first time some time back it left me kind of stuck and stunned into silence.
Reading this again some time later, not much has changed.
It's still difficult to find the words because the struggle is real and too many people suffer but conceal their pain.
Emotions present themselves in all things bizarre and ugly from rage, abuse, drugs, alcohol, crime and dangerous behaviour to suicide.
There are so many different crises that can be linked to mental health because people are faking being "normal."
Reading this again some time later, not much has changed.
It's still difficult to find the words because the struggle is real and too many people suffer but conceal their pain.
Emotions present themselves in all things bizarre and ugly from rage, abuse, drugs, alcohol, crime and dangerous behaviour to suicide.
There are so many different crises that can be linked to mental health because people are faking being "normal."
