Empty VS. Full

There is this emptiness inside of me, that lives inside of my lungs and slithers its way down into my stomach.
I cannot seem to decide which I am afraid of more; being full or always being empty.
I cannot seem to remember a time when I wasn't both.

I remember being the only kid in class to bring jenny craig protein bars for snack,
I remember being so hungry at school that I became dizzy, and I remember my middle school diet of sugar free gum and gatorade.
I think maybe that the emptiness has always been inside of me; lying dormant.
Waiting to suck the life out of my bones, and to leave nothing behind but chewed up fingernails and upset laxative filled stomachs.

I remember being the only kid in school to ask santa for exercise booklets and a new body.
I remember counting out the number of carbs I could eat in one single lunch hour, or how empty I'd feel when everyone else was eating dinner in the living room.
I remember feeling so full when I drank water, because at least then I wasn't hollow.

I don't know if I've always been this way, so empty and yet so full.
And I don't know if I will spend every waking moment chasing those feelings,
But God; I hope not.