deepundergroundpoetry.com
Smoke signals
Now that we’re back here again, I think I want to give up, I think I want to give in.
How can I love myself like I love you when my own feelings are such a sin?
I’m not even stable for myself, forget about loving someone else.
Midnight cluttered brain peeling off my skin, move onto something new before I leave it to sink in.
Screaming over my own thoughts with more reasons to hate myself, just so I’ll forget the ones that are true.
And just to know that despite everything, I know I annoy you.
That it was stupid of me to think I could drag myself through hell every night and wake up worshipped, like nothing ever changed.
One day I’ll have to learn that no one ever praises you for pain.
But things sink in slowly, thick viscous ink falling into my eyes merging my sight to grey so I can’t tell what’s changed and what’s stayed the same.
I want to be the person that I was, but I don’t even know who that is.
I’ve lost things I didn’t know I had and now this is the loneliest I’ve ever been.
Honey thoughts in my beehive mind, I’d do anything to be clean,
Seeing myself as nothing as what I used to see, starting a forest fire in the hopes of being seen.
How can I love myself like I love you when my own feelings are such a sin?
I’m not even stable for myself, forget about loving someone else.
Midnight cluttered brain peeling off my skin, move onto something new before I leave it to sink in.
Screaming over my own thoughts with more reasons to hate myself, just so I’ll forget the ones that are true.
And just to know that despite everything, I know I annoy you.
That it was stupid of me to think I could drag myself through hell every night and wake up worshipped, like nothing ever changed.
One day I’ll have to learn that no one ever praises you for pain.
But things sink in slowly, thick viscous ink falling into my eyes merging my sight to grey so I can’t tell what’s changed and what’s stayed the same.
I want to be the person that I was, but I don’t even know who that is.
I’ve lost things I didn’t know I had and now this is the loneliest I’ve ever been.
Honey thoughts in my beehive mind, I’d do anything to be clean,
Seeing myself as nothing as what I used to see, starting a forest fire in the hopes of being seen.
Published 28th Nov 2021
| Edited 29th Nov 2021
Author's Note
First one here!!! lol the themes might be a biT dramatic but I feel they where probably ones that fitted best. Anyway, hope anyone reading this is having a good day, and I look forward to hopefully posting some more.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
28th Nov 2021 1:09am
Hey WWW…….I’ve known these feelings most of my life……look at the mirror shinning in your soul……way down deep underneath the blackness…….there you will be…….very provoking ink…….purple luv & hugs xo :)
28th Nov 2021 1:24am
Heyo thank you so much!! Some of these feelings are quite new to me but some I feel I've had for so much of my life. Good luck for all your future writings!!
29th Nov 2021 11:09am
Hello there and welcome to the DUP.
Well,
This was quite the outpouring of complex emotions and I guess that’s the gift of writing, in that it allows us to process so much of what we think and feel within us.
I guess it’s important to allow whatever makes us feel alive.
There’s actually some cracking turns of phrase in here. The line “ it was stupid of me to think I could drag myself through hell every night and wake up worshipped” I thought was poignant.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
Well,
This was quite the outpouring of complex emotions and I guess that’s the gift of writing, in that it allows us to process so much of what we think and feel within us.
I guess it’s important to allow whatever makes us feel alive.
There’s actually some cracking turns of phrase in here. The line “ it was stupid of me to think I could drag myself through hell every night and wake up worshipped” I thought was poignant.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
3rd Dec 2021 8:24am
Hey, thanks a lot, I enjoy hearing feedback on my stuff :). I definitely do agree with what you're saying about how its important to allow ourselves to feel these strong uncontrollable emotions, even the negative ones that I suppose I more so portrayed in this piece, to assist us to feel alive and that we exist.
