Bad diary day

Whenever I think about the future. I get really sad, depressed and dejected. When I think about the past. I feel regret, melancholy and suicidal. Everything I did wrong, everything that can go wrong. Is it worth all the pain? Is it? I can’t see a way out. There is no way out. Why would there be? This is just torture. My own personal purgatory until I finally take my last breath and decend into hell. Where the tormenting will continue eternaly. I’m not special, I’m not worthy of luck or pleasure. I don’t deserve it. Why would I deserve it. I did nothing to earn a great life. I did nothing to make anything worth while. I’m dead inside. A hollow piece of meat and bones. Cursed ro roam this planet until I can finally say goodbye to my son and daughter, knowing they can take care of themselves.