They Said Sobriety Would Fix Me

My shallow vanity has collapsed
Under the weight of all I've done.
I lie awake at night still
Reminiscing until the rising sun.

I wish to revisit my innocence
Just feel some things twice,
But the hole in my heart reminds me
With a tone cold as ice.

My body aches with longing,
And his scent no longer lingers.
I'm floating in a dissociative state
Making shadows with my fingers.

I feel blank and empty
So alone when I clock out for the day.
A work week full of grab and go smiles
Before I go my own way.

Again I'm reminded why I suffer
—Self destructive to the very core.
The high reminds me I'm still alive,
But fuck, I can't do this anymore.