[ DUP ] Batter up!

          
When it came to faking          
his earthly demise on the Internets          
Dan Kozak milked that saucer          
until the pentagon shaped plate  
was licked clean of soured cream;          
him slowly dying to death            
a little bit each day          
   
---stray that he was          
dutifully reporting for scraps          
at the back door despite            
ongoing health hurdles            
       
dragging his mangy ass in tow          
and ducking all the while            
that stealthy Grim Reaper fucker          
was taking sick'le swings at him          
           
I admit to getting impatient            
Could you hurry this along, Fella ..?          
sometimes saying under my breath          
Heavens for sake, Leah's waitin for ya!          
           
And he'd cantankerously reply          
in what loose-leafed resembled poetry  
( especially when three sheets to the wind ),          
"Godammit!  I'm croaking as fast as I can!"          
           
What an sonof . . .          
           
Obituary was autobiographical;          
took years for him to author          
and remains the longest thing          
ever written in his story          
[ I'd swear it's a record          
in the Guiness Book ]          
           
And yet it feels like            
he still hasn't left the building          
            
Anyhoo, this was meant          
to be a cautionary tale          
for those of you who think          
you've got enough balls          
to liesurely walk the bases          
dragging out this game of Life          
       
---everyone eventually          
faces off with the Pitcher;          
you better hope it's          
Fernando Valenzuela          
during his Dodger years          
and your time at the plate          
is over quickly so everyone            
can properly say their goodbyes          
sincere or other wise asses          
like me will not be able to          
let you rest in peace          
       
because we don't really believe          
you are gone from our lives      
        
mostly due to the extra innings            
we suffered through          
while being held hostage          
without any proof of Life