Letters from a Trashy Housewife #1

I never saw myself as a mother
I never saw myself having a family
I think of this often now that I am a mother
now that I have a family
I find it difficult to reconcile who I am
with who I was

I know they are the same person
I do
Itís just

she was fearlessly naive
she was a free spirit, without ties, without responsibility
she was broken and a mess and beautifully flawed
she was married to her work
she was having an affair with the party

I am terrified
I am woefully flawed,
what once made me interesting
is now a threat to my daughter, to my sanity
I am tied down, weighted to this spot
stuck in this time, in this place

sometimes, in moments of clarity
I see it
we are the same
Iím just looking at her from a different angle now
I have a new view of who I was
a view tainted by experience
by a change in perspective
because she never saw herself as a mother

she was brash and brutal and unsympathetic
she was unreliable, irresponsible and unscrupulous
she was was in a polyamorous relationship with the bottle, the powder and her job
she couldnít be trusted to keep a plant alive, let alone a child
she knew who she was
and I don't

I am finding it difficult to reconcile
who I was
with who I am
because if I am her
I have no business being a mother
I have no business having a family
Written by lookingformngick (Taitum)
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