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un[speak]able


dust    
swirls,      
their specks    
reflectively float      
glistening amidst      
morning sunshine    
     
just like that day    
     
before    
these hands    
 joint-ached      
wrists and knees, too    
signs of an inevitable      
and supposedly    
of fall      
fastly approaching      
(or was it rain?)      
when certain aches      
warn    
with their predictions    
steeped of a particular pain    
reinforcing the passage of time    
i curse at the sheer audacity—      
of it's incessant march forward    
(without you)      
     
i think of laughter    
and small intimate moments    
unilateral, was despair    
(unknown to me then)      
as dense cracks    
seemed to fuse      
closing the depths      
in an appearance      
of repairing    
     
intense words written    
of exchanged ink      
admitting dark realities    
that bonded      
sometimes    
long conversations      
varying      
from harsh starkness      
to lightly hushed    
or intensely jovial    
as hysterical yowls echoed      
(even now, i randomly hear it)      
tears of laughter      
-o' those sounds of promise!-    
left streaming,      
streaming into      
 hurtful nothing      
vastness that forever aches      
and teams of guilt      
pressed into      
an abysmal unknown      
     
left behind      
     
echoes trapped within a horror      
of those bargaining aways      
intolerable regret    
as a mind    
asks over    
and over    
impatient for a reply      
a fucking    
definitive answer      
demanding forit      
still—    
years later      
     
silent pleas    
into the cosmos and beyond      
     
     
forgetting      
that ghosts,      
     
     
     
     
     
   
   
have no      
tales      
to tell.      
     
     
   
   
 
Bluevelvete
Written by Bluevelvete
Published | Edited 29th Oct 2021
Author's Note
My #Nopoo #290 from 10/15/21 slightly updated
©Blu2021

update: I guess my poem wasn't clear and ended up as somewhat ambiguous. However, after thinking about it I'm going to leaving it as is.
My #Nopoo #290 from 10/15/21 slightly updated
©Blu2021

update: I guess my poem wasn't clear and ended up as somewhat ambiguous. However, after thinking about it I'm going to leaving it as is.

But for clarification —These are thoughts, memories and honest experiences dealing with an intense multitude of feelings that one has after surviving the loss of someone due to self harm.... Both reflecting upon and buried within those particular enormous, emotional moments.

(thank you so much for reading)
🌹
x
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