deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dreams Of The Past
Drifting away into a mishmash of dreams:
meadows and orchards
abandoned farmhouses
chickens feeding on sawdust and maize by wired fencing
an August heatwave
petrol cans and parched grass
an old wooden barn in the centre of a field.
Then he is fifteen again
standing on top of the mound by the railway line during another heatwave
watching as one of the local boys stumbles, falling to the bottom of the slope
into the path of an speeding train.
meadows and orchards
abandoned farmhouses
chickens feeding on sawdust and maize by wired fencing
an August heatwave
petrol cans and parched grass
an old wooden barn in the centre of a field.
Then he is fifteen again
standing on top of the mound by the railway line during another heatwave
watching as one of the local boys stumbles, falling to the bottom of the slope
into the path of an speeding train.
Published 28th Oct 2021
Author's Note
A sample from a previous novel attempt converted to poetry (hopefully!)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 4
comments 12
reads 312
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Oct 2021 9:03pm
29th Oct 2021 10:33pm
28th Oct 2021 11:50pm
captivating.
the whole piece is engaging in its delivery and effect Lozzamus.
thank you.
the whole piece is engaging in its delivery and effect Lozzamus.
thank you.
Cold-fusion, thanks very much for commenting so positively and for your inclusion of the writing in your Reading List.
Best wishes,
Lawrence
Best wishes,
Lawrence
29th Oct 2021 11:44am
Nice picturesque imagery, establishing place,
and then connecting deeper and deeper.
Enjoyed.
and then connecting deeper and deeper.
Enjoyed.
29th Oct 2021 10:40pm
Thanks for the observation and inclusion on your RL, Cypher.
Regards,
Lawrence
Regards,
Lawrence
29th Oct 2021 12:40pm
It's really a very beautiful description of the countryside. Lovely fields very well described and full of active life for little animals and creatures. It can be a lovely place for solitude, where one can have a solitary time for deep meditation. But the last accident is a bit surprising in such a place. However, it is acceptable in dreams. I enjoyed reading it.
29th Oct 2021 10:45pm
That's great, Joseph. I'm pleased you liked the scene setting and felt strongly enough to include the poem in your RL.
29th Oct 2021 5:26pm
Oh ugh! Talk about macabre! This is both beautiful and yet shocking! Well done assault on the senses!
29th Oct 2021 10:48pm
1st Nov 2021 5:09pm
Dear L,
You got me. I was completely transfixed by the descriptions of scene setting in the first stanza only to be whipped out of that reverie by the ending! Well done.
Truly, I was thinking how calm and serene as the hero relives the surroundings of his youth…BAM!
Love it. H🌷
You got me. I was completely transfixed by the descriptions of scene setting in the first stanza only to be whipped out of that reverie by the ending! Well done.
Truly, I was thinking how calm and serene as the hero relives the surroundings of his youth…BAM!
Love it. H🌷
2nd Nov 2021 11:29pm
That's good, Honoria. I'm glad you found the writing evocative. Thanks for commenting and for including this in your RL.
