The Art of Navigating Complexity

I was having a bad day, and everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Actually, it was more like a few complex & challenging days, clustered together. Flipping me from an angel to a devilish bitch that ran all his red lights, whilst poking him on the other side of heaven with a hot knife, like a devil.
  
I’ve no idea what came over me but it was too late as the damage had been done, I was nothing but radioactive & entirely reactive, triggered from the slightest hint of his uncertainty, and I should’ve been more me as opposed to flipping the script.    
    
He stood by and said nothing, unaware that my silence is usually the moment when he needs to calm me with his reassuring words as it’s evident that lightening is running through my veins, and I’m tempering the swirling emotions that come from overthinking when I hit the internal panic button, which usually leads to self destruction and we’re both doomed.
 
Sometimes, I wonder who the submissive one is because it’s hard to determine when he stands by like a innocent bystander, none the wiser, and entirely oblivious to the internal breakdown that’s unfolding within the depths of me.    
   
Aren’t you supposed to be attuned to such things ?! Hmm. Well. Maybe, not.    
   
During those moments, I need his guidance, inner calm and reassuring words as opposed to his uncertainty on how to navigate his way around my shifting tectonic plates as I’m fragile like a silent ticking time bomb, or hot lava slowly erupting from a volcano, if I’m not intercepted in a timely manner.    
   
A subtle but evident redirection is a sweet distraction, one that entails his hands threaded in mine, along with his playfulness and the weight of him upon me to pin me down whilst he watches me intently to hush me strategically as his crushing, and all consuming, gorgeous kisses draw me into him, and his gravity.  
 
Soon, we break out in laughter as he rubs his 3 day growth upon my soft face as his hands find their way underneath my shirt whilst tickling me until I beg him to stop as he whispers something inaudible to me, and I’m easily restrained; subdued & captured.    
   
It isn’t too long before I’m melting into his warm embrace, and I forget whatever it was that worked me up as my mind is fixated on unbuckling his jeans, and freeing his little monster so he can terrorise me, and I can kiss away the hurt I inflicted whilst lashing him with my tongue.

I know he won’t be gentle with me this time as the debt has been incurred, and he’ll make it hurt so good, and I’ll love him even more for understanding the complexities that trigger me as he learns to forgive me, and I learn to never make him wonder what for as he gives me what for.

Which borders upon violence until we both know where we stand with one another, in unity, within our togetherness.