deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Glisten Gray
The glisten gray, the glide, the shuffling hiss
of mist and pelting rain has not for days released
its hold
upon the city’s towers and its spires,.
This sodden press continues to
collapse the bridges and the roundabouts,
the far horizons and familiar compass points,
into a murky hushing swirl,
a clammy chilling scold.
It sheens again funereally
this morning’s light,
and lacquers dank and dim
the dumb mouthed statues in the parks,
the aging brickwork of the pavement in the empty lanes,
the sullen taxi ranks,
the bow backed awnings and the dripping eaves
of waking shops,
the lorries and their drivers aimed,
now grumbling and grim
with sleep still creased within their eyes,
towards their soggy break of dawn deliveries,
the casements and the fogging window panes
of every structure Londoners take shelter in,
and every hunched
and huddled early work bound pilgrim's hatted head.
Oh rain oh rain please go away, or stay
but you, my love, come back to bed.
I'm cold
of mist and pelting rain has not for days released
its hold
upon the city’s towers and its spires,.
This sodden press continues to
collapse the bridges and the roundabouts,
the far horizons and familiar compass points,
into a murky hushing swirl,
a clammy chilling scold.
It sheens again funereally
this morning’s light,
and lacquers dank and dim
the dumb mouthed statues in the parks,
the aging brickwork of the pavement in the empty lanes,
the sullen taxi ranks,
the bow backed awnings and the dripping eaves
of waking shops,
the lorries and their drivers aimed,
now grumbling and grim
with sleep still creased within their eyes,
towards their soggy break of dawn deliveries,
the casements and the fogging window panes
of every structure Londoners take shelter in,
and every hunched
and huddled early work bound pilgrim's hatted head.
Oh rain oh rain please go away, or stay
but you, my love, come back to bed.
I'm cold
Published 27th Sep 2021
| Edited 30th Sep 2021
Author's Note
My inspiration for this was a memory of waking up with my love on a dreary morning in London.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 267
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Sep 2021 10:37pm
Dear Baldwin,
1-How can such powerful rain COLLAPSE bridges and keep the awnings and the dripping eaves of waking shops intact? Can you explain that, Baldwin?
2- lnviting your love to bed at the end of the poem is too cheap and can be used by school children when the write poetry. It seems like darning a blue pair of trousers with a red patch.
3- The word LANE at the end of the line should be followed by a comma.
4- What deep meaning can the reader take from such a great subject?
sorry Baldwin
1-How can such powerful rain COLLAPSE bridges and keep the awnings and the dripping eaves of waking shops intact? Can you explain that, Baldwin?
2- lnviting your love to bed at the end of the poem is too cheap and can be used by school children when the write poetry. It seems like darning a blue pair of trousers with a red patch.
3- The word LANE at the end of the line should be followed by a comma.
4- What deep meaning can the reader take from such a great subject?
sorry Baldwin
Sorry, but frankly speaking, there is not a single remark of yours about my submission that is worth responding to, especially since you overlooked what follows on from the word "collapse" and explains what the "collapse" I mention entails. This is just another example of how uncarefully you read things, seeing only what you want to see.
Moreover, in addition to a poet from this site giving my piece a "like", a number of Londoners and other Brits who have read this submission of mine have appreciated it and said I captured well what a rainy day is like in England's capitalcity. So, using your criterion of whether you have written well, my submission must be a good one.
And BTW, I notice that you've chickened out of meeting the challenge I issued to you in my "A Renewed Challenge to J-Z". Why is that? Surely, if you are the master of poetry that you claim you are, it should be easy for you to meet.
Moreover, in addition to a poet from this site giving my piece a "like", a number of Londoners and other Brits who have read this submission of mine have appreciated it and said I captured well what a rainy day is like in England's capitalcity. So, using your criterion of whether you have written well, my submission must be a good one.
And BTW, I notice that you've chickened out of meeting the challenge I issued to you in my "A Renewed Challenge to J-Z". Why is that? Surely, if you are the master of poetry that you claim you are, it should be easy for you to meet.
28th Sep 2021 11:28pm
In the first paragraph of your comment, you are exactly talking about yourself how you read my poetry and criticize it. Answer my comment if you can. You mean , "...the sodden press continue to ...collapse the bridges and the roundabouts," There is no collapse of bridges and roundabouts whether it is sodden of not.
You are neglecting the fact that the statement that what the sodden press consists of, namely, continuing rain and persistent mist, continues to do is to create the illusion that a number of ordinarily visually distinct things are compressed **into** a murky hushing swirl .
It is a description of the fact that the combination of a heavy mist and a non-stop heavy rain compresses and blurs features of the city into one gray and formless mass.
So the word "collapses" is apt.
Perhaps you are not able to understand what I was describing because, as your submissions show, you have no idea of how to use concrete images in your writings or use words that would conjure up in a reader's mind things that can be seen with his/her eyes shut.
It is a description of the fact that the combination of a heavy mist and a non-stop heavy rain compresses and blurs features of the city into one gray and formless mass.
So the word "collapses" is apt.
Perhaps you are not able to understand what I was describing because, as your submissions show, you have no idea of how to use concrete images in your writings or use words that would conjure up in a reader's mind things that can be seen with his/her eyes shut.
Please correct the wording of "In the first paragraph of your comment, you are exactly talking about yourself how you read my poetry and criticize it" so that it becomes comprehensible English.
And please don't misquote (or selectively quote) me, let alone ignore what the adjective "sodden" modifies and what the subject of "collapseS" is and the fact that what is noted here is that that subject "collapseS several ordinarily visually distinct and separate things INTO a certain blurry thing.
And please don't misquote (or selectively quote) me, let alone ignore what the adjective "sodden" modifies and what the subject of "collapseS" is and the fact that what is noted here is that that subject "collapseS several ordinarily visually distinct and separate things INTO a certain blurry thing.
29th Sep 2021 8:26am
1- Correct your first sentence:,"You are neglecting the fact the statement".
2-"This sodden press continue to
collapse the bridges and the roundabouts,
the far horizon... scold."
You are the writer of this meaning,, so it is clear to you, but not to the readers.
Collapse contradicts the rest of the sentence.
3-When the reader gives his time to read such a poem, he wants to get something worthwhile from it. What does he get?
4-What about inviting your love, isn't it a childish, inconvenient patch?
2-"This sodden press continue to
collapse the bridges and the roundabouts,
the far horizon... scold."
You are the writer of this meaning,, so it is clear to you, but not to the readers.
Collapse contradicts the rest of the sentence.
3-When the reader gives his time to read such a poem, he wants to get something worthwhile from it. What does he get?
4-What about inviting your love, isn't it a childish, inconvenient patch?
"1- Correct your first sentence:,"You are neglecting the fact the statement"."
I'll do that if you correct the punctuation you have employed incorrectly in your poorly written command to me. and if you acknowledge that, as it stands, your [question begging] statement that "[I am] the writer of this meaning,,[sic] so it is clear to you, but not to the readers " is also incorrectly punctuated and (more importantly) should have been written "you are the writer of this line. So its meaning is clear to you but not necessarily to those who read it" to actually convey what you thought you were saying.
One does not write "meanings". One writes things if one is attempting to communicate or convey a thought, in the hope that what one writes will be meaningful to a reader and that he /she will understand what one intended to say.
2-"This sodden press continue to
collapse the bridges and the roundabouts,
the far horizon... scold."
I wrote "this sodden press[i.e., the particular combination of heavy mist and rain that I speak of that I envisage thoroughly dampening London] continueS to collapse [ordinarily easily sighted and normally visually distinguishable things] INTO [a blur)."
So thanks for misquoting me AND for engaging in selective quotation -- something that shows that the one who does these things is one who thinks it is acceptable to stoop to underhanded and illegitimate tactics in order to score the points in an argument that he wants to score.
I'll do that if you correct the punctuation you have employed incorrectly in your poorly written command to me. and if you acknowledge that, as it stands, your [question begging] statement that "[I am] the writer of this meaning,,[sic] so it is clear to you, but not to the readers " is also incorrectly punctuated and (more importantly) should have been written "you are the writer of this line. So its meaning is clear to you but not necessarily to those who read it" to actually convey what you thought you were saying.
One does not write "meanings". One writes things if one is attempting to communicate or convey a thought, in the hope that what one writes will be meaningful to a reader and that he /she will understand what one intended to say.
2-"This sodden press continue to
collapse the bridges and the roundabouts,
the far horizon... scold."
I wrote "this sodden press[i.e., the particular combination of heavy mist and rain that I speak of that I envisage thoroughly dampening London] continueS to collapse [ordinarily easily sighted and normally visually distinguishable things] INTO [a blur)."
So thanks for misquoting me AND for engaging in selective quotation -- something that shows that the one who does these things is one who thinks it is acceptable to stoop to underhanded and illegitimate tactics in order to score the points in an argument that he wants to score.
